I am not the best husband. I freely admit that. I have faults and problems.
This is NOT a veiled attempt at fishing for compliments. I am fallible. I do not excuse myself for my weaknesses and issues. I am what I am. Mostly that's OK, but I know I have areas in which I can improve.
There are some things I have learned, though, in the course of my "husband-ness" that I have come to understand as being important:
First off, a husband must cherish his wife. This seems like a no-brainer, but it makes everything else easy. In the Old Testament, according to the law of Moses, newly married men were given time off from other obligations - at least a year - to "cheer up" their wives. And one of the best examples of this kind of love is Jacob and Rachel, where the scripture tells us that Jacob served 7 years for Rachel but that it seemed a few days because of the love he had for her.
Paul, in the New Testament, cited the need for husbands to love their wives - as Christ loved the Church and gave His life for it. I've written before that I believe this kind of love does not mean dying for the other, but living each day and abandoning selfish desires in the name of this love. If a husband loved his wife in this way, she would be the queen and companion and help-meet he needs her to be.
Which leads me to my next point. I think that there are some guys in the world who think they deserve their wives. Or that they are better than their wives. I have no idea what logical fallacy leads a man to believe that. Personally, I cannot fathom ever being worthy of such a claim. It is clear to me that women are the precious daughters of God, and that I must live every day as best I can to be worthy of such a divine influence in my life. Women are the refining, purifying, and sweetening influence in our lives and in our world. They are the repository for all that is good and wholesome and cultured in our homes and in our society. If it were not for them, our world would be craven, depraved, and base.
Perhaps men think this way because they are bigger. Or stronger. Or have more education. Or honors. Or a better job. Or whatever. This is absolutely ludicrous. Why did you get those things anyway, if not to impress your wife? And you know what? Chances are she's not as impressed by those things as you'd like to think. Sure, she is glad you provide and can protect. But at the end of the day, what she needs and wants is you - your time, your love, your soul, your companionship. And interestingly, that's really what you and I - as men - need, too.
I'm reminded of the words of the Savior - what doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul? What do all of those things mean if there's no one to share it with? What meaning has life without someone by your side? What greater good can a man do than win (and keep winning!) the heart of his true love? And then to walk with her through life, side by side, as true companions and friends and lovers to an eternal destiny...
The fondest desire of my heart...
So when I hear of men who don't understand these things, who neglect or fail to cherish the most precious thing in their lives, I am completely baffled. I'm not talking about those aberrant few who abuse physically or sexually or verbally... I'm talking about the lack of basic human respect that one should show for someone. I'm talking, moreover, about the duty each man owes to his wife - to cherish, love, and respect her above all others, to give himself completely to her, heart, mind, and soul, with no reservation, hesitation, or anything like that.
I am reminded of the Doctrine and Covenants - section 121 - where it talks about how we should exercise influence on others. It is through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, pure knowledge, acting in no hypocrisy and with no guile...
This is the pattern established by God Himself. This is the pattern I have tried to follow - to varying degrees of compliance... :-)
I'm also reminded of the musical Camelot - Merlin tells Arthur that the way to handle a woman is to love her... simply love her...
This is NOT a veiled attempt at fishing for compliments. I am fallible. I do not excuse myself for my weaknesses and issues. I am what I am. Mostly that's OK, but I know I have areas in which I can improve.
There are some things I have learned, though, in the course of my "husband-ness" that I have come to understand as being important:
First off, a husband must cherish his wife. This seems like a no-brainer, but it makes everything else easy. In the Old Testament, according to the law of Moses, newly married men were given time off from other obligations - at least a year - to "cheer up" their wives. And one of the best examples of this kind of love is Jacob and Rachel, where the scripture tells us that Jacob served 7 years for Rachel but that it seemed a few days because of the love he had for her.
Paul, in the New Testament, cited the need for husbands to love their wives - as Christ loved the Church and gave His life for it. I've written before that I believe this kind of love does not mean dying for the other, but living each day and abandoning selfish desires in the name of this love. If a husband loved his wife in this way, she would be the queen and companion and help-meet he needs her to be.
Which leads me to my next point. I think that there are some guys in the world who think they deserve their wives. Or that they are better than their wives. I have no idea what logical fallacy leads a man to believe that. Personally, I cannot fathom ever being worthy of such a claim. It is clear to me that women are the precious daughters of God, and that I must live every day as best I can to be worthy of such a divine influence in my life. Women are the refining, purifying, and sweetening influence in our lives and in our world. They are the repository for all that is good and wholesome and cultured in our homes and in our society. If it were not for them, our world would be craven, depraved, and base.
Perhaps men think this way because they are bigger. Or stronger. Or have more education. Or honors. Or a better job. Or whatever. This is absolutely ludicrous. Why did you get those things anyway, if not to impress your wife? And you know what? Chances are she's not as impressed by those things as you'd like to think. Sure, she is glad you provide and can protect. But at the end of the day, what she needs and wants is you - your time, your love, your soul, your companionship. And interestingly, that's really what you and I - as men - need, too.
I'm reminded of the words of the Savior - what doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul? What do all of those things mean if there's no one to share it with? What meaning has life without someone by your side? What greater good can a man do than win (and keep winning!) the heart of his true love? And then to walk with her through life, side by side, as true companions and friends and lovers to an eternal destiny...
The fondest desire of my heart...
So when I hear of men who don't understand these things, who neglect or fail to cherish the most precious thing in their lives, I am completely baffled. I'm not talking about those aberrant few who abuse physically or sexually or verbally... I'm talking about the lack of basic human respect that one should show for someone. I'm talking, moreover, about the duty each man owes to his wife - to cherish, love, and respect her above all others, to give himself completely to her, heart, mind, and soul, with no reservation, hesitation, or anything like that.
I am reminded of the Doctrine and Covenants - section 121 - where it talks about how we should exercise influence on others. It is through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, pure knowledge, acting in no hypocrisy and with no guile...
This is the pattern established by God Himself. This is the pattern I have tried to follow - to varying degrees of compliance... :-)
I'm also reminded of the musical Camelot - Merlin tells Arthur that the way to handle a woman is to love her... simply love her...
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