Our family has three rules. They are as follows:
1. Obey.
2. Respect.
3. Have fun.
That's it.
Now rule number one is of course the catch all. It is not meant to be restrictive, but as a vital part of any parent-child relationship. Taken together with the other two rules, you see that my wife and I do not rule as tyrants, but as parents who only want what is best for their children, who want them to be happy and safe and strong. We do not rule our house, but our house is a house of order. Obedience is tantamount to that order, so even if you do not respect or understand the subsequent direction, you will obey.
This obedience is almost always supported by an explanation. Because rules one and two are intrinsically linked, if a child does not understand a particular mandate, that child is free to ask for clarification and guidance. Thus, the reason: I'm your parent and that's all! does not get used in our house. Compliance is not compulsory, but strongly encouraged through a predetermined and agreed upon set of restrictions, including loss of privilege and (occasionally) pecuniary loss (no allowance for that week).
The second rule is respect. This is becoming increasingly difficult as our children get older. Before, it seemed to extend largely to sharing toys and playing together nicely. They still do play together like best friends, and that makes me so happy. But as they get older and start to feel independent, their questioning of things leads to a lack of proper decorum and respect. We often ask our children - if you treated your friends the way you treat your parents, would you have any friends? They honestly and humbly answer no...
Rule number two has two corollaries - that is, respect means to love and appreciate. That's it. This is a very powerful concept, because if the whole world subscribed to this attitude, there would be an immediate and drastic change for the better. I want it to start with my house, with my family.
And the best loved rule number three - have fun. Having fun is only possible if the first two rules are followed. In my book, if it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing. We have a lot of fun together as a family, playing games, singing songs, drawing, watching movies, going places... I think we're a fun family... We may not be able to afford lots of vacations in sexy places, but we do things together that provide richness and meaning. And even if it's just a quiet evening at home, with everybody engrossed in their favorite book, just being together helps the feeling of family pervade.
So far, these simple things have seemed to work fairly well for us.
1. Obey.
2. Respect.
3. Have fun.
That's it.
Now rule number one is of course the catch all. It is not meant to be restrictive, but as a vital part of any parent-child relationship. Taken together with the other two rules, you see that my wife and I do not rule as tyrants, but as parents who only want what is best for their children, who want them to be happy and safe and strong. We do not rule our house, but our house is a house of order. Obedience is tantamount to that order, so even if you do not respect or understand the subsequent direction, you will obey.
This obedience is almost always supported by an explanation. Because rules one and two are intrinsically linked, if a child does not understand a particular mandate, that child is free to ask for clarification and guidance. Thus, the reason: I'm your parent and that's all! does not get used in our house. Compliance is not compulsory, but strongly encouraged through a predetermined and agreed upon set of restrictions, including loss of privilege and (occasionally) pecuniary loss (no allowance for that week).
The second rule is respect. This is becoming increasingly difficult as our children get older. Before, it seemed to extend largely to sharing toys and playing together nicely. They still do play together like best friends, and that makes me so happy. But as they get older and start to feel independent, their questioning of things leads to a lack of proper decorum and respect. We often ask our children - if you treated your friends the way you treat your parents, would you have any friends? They honestly and humbly answer no...
Rule number two has two corollaries - that is, respect means to love and appreciate. That's it. This is a very powerful concept, because if the whole world subscribed to this attitude, there would be an immediate and drastic change for the better. I want it to start with my house, with my family.
And the best loved rule number three - have fun. Having fun is only possible if the first two rules are followed. In my book, if it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing. We have a lot of fun together as a family, playing games, singing songs, drawing, watching movies, going places... I think we're a fun family... We may not be able to afford lots of vacations in sexy places, but we do things together that provide richness and meaning. And even if it's just a quiet evening at home, with everybody engrossed in their favorite book, just being together helps the feeling of family pervade.
So far, these simple things have seemed to work fairly well for us.
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