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Conversations with a 15 year old

I'm consistently impressed with and by my daughter. Her depth of understanding and perception in things related to emotion and empathy are truly astonishing. It makes her very wise. I love talking to her because she makes me think. And I love to think.

Last night we had a conversation about how life never seems to turn out the way you expected. She was relating some of her experiences in her life, and how that has shaped who she is. Some of the hardest things she's ever had to go through have come recently, and she is sometimes nostalgic for a childhood that upon reflection seemed so care-free and innocent. She feels that when things changed - when we moved from Texas to Oregon, mainly - she was put in a position where she had to grow up quickly. So Texas became a kind of ideal for her, a place where everything was happy and easy.

I didn't know what to say to that. Partly because it was because of me she had to move, and that being a child often just plain sucks because so many things are out of your control, no matter how much they impact you.

So we talked about how things had changed for me in my life as well, how people had come and gone, how life has taken me places I never knew even existed, both literally and figuratively. How part of growing up is coming to understand that things that seemed to exist in the past are not really how they were, and that things and people change and become different - the only constant really is change. Even if she had stayed in Texas, her life would have been different than she remembered - her friends would have moved or changed (everyone is different when they're eleven than they are when they're 15...)

To which she complained - but dad, why do things change? Are you telling me I should abandon my memories of that time?

I responded that she should absolutely hold on to those things. That life is hard enough without having pleasant memories of how things were. Nothing can ever change our memories, good or bad.

And we talked about the "growth mindset" theory, discussing that good and bad things happen to everyone, but as long as we grow and learn, we win. We are not the same, and the mistakes we make once do not have to happen again. So, as long as we're learning and growing, even bad experiences become powerful to us.

I then told her that in spite of everything bad that has happened in our lives, the greatest happiness I've know is the pleasure of having her as my daughter. She is the very best manifestation of God's love for me, to trust me with such a precious young woman to bless my life, to make me laugh, to share thoughts and feelings. I am humbled and exalted by this knowledge. And as I put my arms around her and told her how much I love her, it was something that no darkness in the world could dim or diminish.

Comments

Mark said…
Y'all could move back to Texas so she can again see how wonderful (and humid and mosquito and fire ant filled) it is here.

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