Skip to main content

The WHY...

Today in Sunday school the lesson was on Job.

I can't ever remember struggling so hard in a lesson.

I sat in the room and listened to people give answers to some of the most difficult questions in life. And it really, really bothered me. The responses seemed so rote, so practiced and polished and ... I don't know. I wanted to say unfeeling but I think that's a bit disingenuous. Surely people feel these things. And surely people have gone through difficult times. And just as surely everyone is affected by circumstances differently. We all struggle with things, and we all struggle in our own way.

The tragedies and losses and reversals of Job were awful. Some would undoubtedly be more affected by different losses than others. For me, the biggest and hardest would be the perfidy of Job's wife. To break faith with someone, to abandon them when all else was going south, to implore him to curse God and die... That would be the worst. I'm not sure how I would handle that.

I thought of the various answers to the questions in the class, even some from quotes from General Authorities. And I really struggled to not be angry. Ok, I was angry. But I really struggled with not giving in to that feeling and lashing out.

I believe in God. I believe He is the great Sovereign of the universe. And I also know He has an influence and interest in my life. Me. Personally. It's a heady, almost hubristic thought. But I have had too many experiences to believe otherwise.

So I also believe that things have meaning, that there's a purpose for the things we experience, and that suffering can be an ennobling, sanctifying, and empowering thing. My frustration stems from the why. Why do we have to learn in this way? Isn't there an easier way? Couldn't we just learn from books or listening to others or whatever?

Perhaps the answer is no. There is no other way.

But I want to know why. And I want to know why, right now. I don't want to wait for some nebulous future when all of this will be resolved.

My faith is strong. Never fear. I'm just a struggler.

Maybe that's where my anger stems from, really, with the others in Sunday school - maybe I'm jealous of their apparent ease and easy understanding. The lack of internal struggle or strife. The lack of questioning WHY?!?

But then, I don't know if I'd want to be like that, even if I could. I do relish the pursuit of knowledge, almost as much as the attainment.

Comments

lillysmum said…
Forgive me, but I'm not sure I understand what you were angry at? I'm not implying that there wasn't anything to be angry at, I just don't think you are quite clear about what bothered you.
August 31, 2014 at 2:39 PM
Bill Cobabe said…
I'm sorry if it was unclear. I felt angry because the responses seemed so rote and polished, while these are things I struggle with understanding and accepting. And also perhaps I was angry because I wish that those polished and prepared and rote answers were so easy for me to just accept as well.
August 31, 2014 at 3:36 PM
Bill Cobabe said…
And I also struggle with understanding the WHY. Which makes me frustrated and angry.
August 31, 2014 at 3:37 PM
lillysmum said…
You mean that they didn't really think about them? Just gave the appropriate Sunday School answers without considering what it all really means?
September 1, 2014 at 1:38 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Christ by highest heaven adored, Christ the everlasting Lord!

The purpose of the Book of Mormon is to testify of Christ and bring souls to Him. Who can deny this who have read the book and pondered it's sacred import? My life has been blessed and I have come to know Christ through reading this holy book. I know that Christ lives and loves us. I know He is our Savior and Redeemer. I know that through His merits alone we are saved from an eternity of misery and woe. I know that He died for us. I know He lives for us, advocating our cause before the throne of the Almighty. He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the Master, the Son of God, the great Jehovah. Blessed and praised be His Holy Name forever and ever! To Him be all glory, honor, and majesty to an eternal day! It is the atonement of Christ - His suffering and subsequent victory - that makes all of this possible. His grace is sufficient for all after all we can do. And make no mistake - we must do all in our power. But through Him and by Him we can and will overcome. I love H
2 comments
Read more

2020 - A retrospective

 There will no doubt be many retrospectives written about the year that was 2020. It was a tough year for most, a good year for many, and generally speaking a very interesting year. Which reminds me of the the old curse - may you live in interesting times. Because, you see - interesting does not always mean good. It does not mean better. It does not mean happy. It just means interesting. So to highlight just how interesting things were, I offer the following post about things that went on. Or didn’t went on. It’s not intended to be chronological, necessarily, or even accurate. It’s just some of my observations.... Let’s start with the pandemic. Pandemic is a word that was previously the realm of science fiction and/or horror writers (The Stand comes to mind). Late 2019 a disease was identified in Wuhan, China, which is a place I’d never heard of before. Apparently coming from some kind of exotic meat market, this strain of Coronavirus was something that the world hadn’t seen before. Ma
Post a Comment
Read more

Is this thing still on?

 Does anyone even blog anymore? I remember when it first got started and everyone was having a blog. I like writing, and I do a lot of it in my professional life, but not everything makes it onto this blog, which is where a lot of my personal thoughts come out. I put more into Facebook lately, too, because it's a little easier. But there's something to be said for this long-form writing exercise, and I think I will continue here periodically. You don't mind, do you? Well, in my last post I wrote about how difficult things were for me at the time. That changed in July when I finally got a job working for the State of Utah. I was the program manager for the moderate income housing database program, and that meant I worked from home a lot but also went in to Salt Lake when needed, mostly on the train. It was a good experience, for the most part, and I'm grateful for the things I learned even in the short time I was there.  In October I started working for Weber County in t
Post a Comment
Read more