So for the past several months I've been reading this series called The Wheel of Time. It's pretty good - lengthy, and nearly impossible to get through at times (can be boring), but still enjoyable. I'm getting towards the end, and it's really reaching the climax.
The main character is a young man by the name of Rand al'Thor, who is raised as a sheep herder/farmer, but later comes to understand his destiny. He is the Dragon Reborn, and as such, must face off against the evil forces of the Dark One. Where I'm at in the series, he's tried to unite all the peoples in his world in an effort to rally the forces against the Last Battle, where he alone must take on the Dark One. It is strongly hinted at, both in various prophecies as well as his own dogged determination, that Rand will not survive the Last Battle, but must die to overcome the Dark One.
Throughout the series, there is the symbol of a great weaving wheel, the Wheel of Time. It's a wheel, rather than a traditional loom, because the wheel is circular and cyclic, so that what once was is now again, and may also be yet to come. At no point on the wheel can we say there is a beginning, or that there is an ending - there are beginnings and endings, but it is not the Beginning or Ending. Like that. With capital letters.
The wheel weaves people's lives and destinies into a great pattern. Rand, with his extraordinary influence, is also nonetheless pulled on by all the strands at once, feeling the attendant incredible tension that causes him to have to bend to will(s) other than his own. Rand is frequently frustrated by this. As an independent, free-thinking soul, he has desires to be self-determinate, guiding his own steps into his own desired destiny. However, he also feels the obligations and responsibilities that go along with the great power he's been given. So he's conflicted and complex.
He decides he needs to be harder - that that attitude will save him. He becomes harder than steel, burying his emotion and emotional ties deep inside. Harder and harder he drives himself, pushing his very being aside, feeling that only by so doing will he have the strength to become who he needs to be to survive without hurting those around him. He thinks that by cutting himself off from his emotions and his emotional attachment, his enemies will not have the ability to manipulate him.
It all culminates in a scene I read last night, when he is confronted by his father - well, the father who raised him. As hard as he's become, his own father hardly recognizes him, and in unable to affect a breach in the walls Rand has erected. On finding out who has sent his father to talk to him (it was a woman Rand felt had been manipulating him) Rand very nearly kills his own father, stopping only at the very last second. He flees in despair and dismay at what he's become, but he's even more horrified that all his effort at making himself hard has proven ineffective. He's really only served to make himself brittle and subject to shattering.
Which he does.
He transports himself to the top of a mountain and starts to confront some realities in his life. He believes he is going to die, and that he is fated to do so, regardless of what his own desires are. The pattern of the weave has left him no choice. He screams at the wind, WHY? Why can't he just have a normal life? Why does it have to be HIM? Why can't he just be left alone to do what he wants and be what he wants? Why does the weave have this inordinate interest in him? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?
With all of the power he has, he cannot force the answer.
You can feel his pain, his loneliness, his frustration. He is so angry, so bitter... He doesn't want to feel any more. He's tired of having to deal with it all, all of the hurt and sorrow and regret. But he doesn't have any choice.
And he wonders why it's worth it. If it's worth it.
The resolution comes not in an answer from the cosmos, but from within. He thinks of the people he loves, of the chances he's had to love, of the act and feeling and sweetness of LOVE. And he begins - just a little - to realize that the chance alone to taste such sweetness is worth it to him. That the pain and hurt and heartache are worth it, because the love that exists is also real, so sweet and desirable...
It's a beautiful scene. It made me weep.
It's not unlike the scene in Harry Potter when Harry gathers his deceased loved ones about him to go confront Voldemort for the last time. And he realizes that the difference between himself and Voldemort is that Harry is willing to die for the love of those he calls friends. And that's all the difference in the world.
The main character is a young man by the name of Rand al'Thor, who is raised as a sheep herder/farmer, but later comes to understand his destiny. He is the Dragon Reborn, and as such, must face off against the evil forces of the Dark One. Where I'm at in the series, he's tried to unite all the peoples in his world in an effort to rally the forces against the Last Battle, where he alone must take on the Dark One. It is strongly hinted at, both in various prophecies as well as his own dogged determination, that Rand will not survive the Last Battle, but must die to overcome the Dark One.
Throughout the series, there is the symbol of a great weaving wheel, the Wheel of Time. It's a wheel, rather than a traditional loom, because the wheel is circular and cyclic, so that what once was is now again, and may also be yet to come. At no point on the wheel can we say there is a beginning, or that there is an ending - there are beginnings and endings, but it is not the Beginning or Ending. Like that. With capital letters.
The wheel weaves people's lives and destinies into a great pattern. Rand, with his extraordinary influence, is also nonetheless pulled on by all the strands at once, feeling the attendant incredible tension that causes him to have to bend to will(s) other than his own. Rand is frequently frustrated by this. As an independent, free-thinking soul, he has desires to be self-determinate, guiding his own steps into his own desired destiny. However, he also feels the obligations and responsibilities that go along with the great power he's been given. So he's conflicted and complex.
He decides he needs to be harder - that that attitude will save him. He becomes harder than steel, burying his emotion and emotional ties deep inside. Harder and harder he drives himself, pushing his very being aside, feeling that only by so doing will he have the strength to become who he needs to be to survive without hurting those around him. He thinks that by cutting himself off from his emotions and his emotional attachment, his enemies will not have the ability to manipulate him.
It all culminates in a scene I read last night, when he is confronted by his father - well, the father who raised him. As hard as he's become, his own father hardly recognizes him, and in unable to affect a breach in the walls Rand has erected. On finding out who has sent his father to talk to him (it was a woman Rand felt had been manipulating him) Rand very nearly kills his own father, stopping only at the very last second. He flees in despair and dismay at what he's become, but he's even more horrified that all his effort at making himself hard has proven ineffective. He's really only served to make himself brittle and subject to shattering.
Which he does.
He transports himself to the top of a mountain and starts to confront some realities in his life. He believes he is going to die, and that he is fated to do so, regardless of what his own desires are. The pattern of the weave has left him no choice. He screams at the wind, WHY? Why can't he just have a normal life? Why does it have to be HIM? Why can't he just be left alone to do what he wants and be what he wants? Why does the weave have this inordinate interest in him? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?
With all of the power he has, he cannot force the answer.
You can feel his pain, his loneliness, his frustration. He is so angry, so bitter... He doesn't want to feel any more. He's tired of having to deal with it all, all of the hurt and sorrow and regret. But he doesn't have any choice.
And he wonders why it's worth it. If it's worth it.
The resolution comes not in an answer from the cosmos, but from within. He thinks of the people he loves, of the chances he's had to love, of the act and feeling and sweetness of LOVE. And he begins - just a little - to realize that the chance alone to taste such sweetness is worth it to him. That the pain and hurt and heartache are worth it, because the love that exists is also real, so sweet and desirable...
It's a beautiful scene. It made me weep.
It's not unlike the scene in Harry Potter when Harry gathers his deceased loved ones about him to go confront Voldemort for the last time. And he realizes that the difference between himself and Voldemort is that Harry is willing to die for the love of those he calls friends. And that's all the difference in the world.
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