So if you've read this blog for any length of time, you've come to know that I'm a struggler. I am. I struggle A LOT. I struggle with things I KNOW I shouldn't. Yet, in spite of it all, I continue to struggle. I fall down, get up, grin at how stupid I've been, then proceed to fall down immediately and in exactly the same hole. Time and time again. Eventually, though, the grin becomes a little more forced, and I get frustrated and impatient.
I wish I didn't have to struggle.
I know (!) that's stupid, too, though. Everyone struggles. Why should I be exempt? I am not because I should not be.
Even the Savior struggled.
In fact, He struggled more mightily than I am capable of understanding or enduring. Not that I am comparing myself to Him. I'm just saying - He did, too. So if I want to be like Him, shouldn't I expect some struggle?
Expect? Yes. Enjoy? Not so much.
I've lived long enough (dang, that sounds old) to know that life has twists and turns that are unexpected and cause difficulty. Yet, I have also come to know that these difficulties and struggles are for my good. That the immortality and eternal life that is God's work and glory is not for the collective and nebulous man, but for me. Personally. He has ordered everything for my ultimate gain.
And that is a comforting thought.
One night, I had a dream. In this dream, my dear bishop asked me to come into his office. We sat and talked a bit, and then he asked - how are you?
Rather than give the usual - everything's fine - response, I said, my voice thick and cracking with emotion, "I'm struggling, Bishop. I struggle a lot." His eyes filled with tears, and he said, "I know, Bill. I know. And, it's OK that you struggle. Keep struggling. JUST DON'T YOU GIVE UP."
I woke up (for the first time in my life) with tears in my eyes. I felt so loved, so cared for, and so... well, so much like my Father in Heaven was aware of me. He loved me and was concerned about me.
I cannot give up. I must continue the struggle. I am trying to be patient and faithful to the end - to whatever end.
May God our Heavenly Father bless us all in our struggles.
I wish I didn't have to struggle.
I know (!) that's stupid, too, though. Everyone struggles. Why should I be exempt? I am not because I should not be.
Even the Savior struggled.
In fact, He struggled more mightily than I am capable of understanding or enduring. Not that I am comparing myself to Him. I'm just saying - He did, too. So if I want to be like Him, shouldn't I expect some struggle?
Expect? Yes. Enjoy? Not so much.
I've lived long enough (dang, that sounds old) to know that life has twists and turns that are unexpected and cause difficulty. Yet, I have also come to know that these difficulties and struggles are for my good. That the immortality and eternal life that is God's work and glory is not for the collective and nebulous man, but for me. Personally. He has ordered everything for my ultimate gain.
And that is a comforting thought.
One night, I had a dream. In this dream, my dear bishop asked me to come into his office. We sat and talked a bit, and then he asked - how are you?
Rather than give the usual - everything's fine - response, I said, my voice thick and cracking with emotion, "I'm struggling, Bishop. I struggle a lot." His eyes filled with tears, and he said, "I know, Bill. I know. And, it's OK that you struggle. Keep struggling. JUST DON'T YOU GIVE UP."
I woke up (for the first time in my life) with tears in my eyes. I felt so loved, so cared for, and so... well, so much like my Father in Heaven was aware of me. He loved me and was concerned about me.
I cannot give up. I must continue the struggle. I am trying to be patient and faithful to the end - to whatever end.
May God our Heavenly Father bless us all in our struggles.
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