Rosy Prose

So I thought I'd just take a break from the poetry for a post. Don't worry: regularly scheduled poetry resumes later...

I recently got a note from a friend in which things of a negative nature were noted. A couple of hours later, this friend wished to retract the note, saying that the sharing of such "problems" was an undue strain on our friendship. The friend apologized for sharing these things.

I was intrigued. It caused me to reflect on the nature of friendship. What is a friend, really?

If you're into facebook at all, you know that there are people you've added to your "friends" list that are on a different level of intimacy than others. Some of these people are those you've known for many years, but there have been things that happened in the interim that have separated you, physically, intellectually, and sometimes (most tragically) spiritually. Some are renewed acquaintances, people you'd lost track of and are happy to see again.

But what about REAL friends?

Just what is a real friend, anyway?

In my world, a friend is someone who loves you. That's all. There is nothing more or less to add than that. It's not the frequency of communication. It's not the subjects discussed or the time spent together. It's all about love - genuine, Christ-like love and concern for another. For each other.

I think of the words of the Savior, as found in the Doctrine and Covenants:

Section 84:77

77 And again I say unto you, my friends, for from henceforth I shall call you friends, it is expedient that I give unto you this commandment, that ye become even as my friends in days when I was with them, traveling to preach the gospel in my power;

There is an evolution in the way the Lord interacts with these men. At the first part of the Doctrine and Covenants, in the early days of the Church, the Lord was fairly harsh with them, often having to forgive sins and offer correction - even calling them directly to repentance. Then He refers to them as "my servants", before they ultimately developed a relationship that was close enough to be referred to as "friends". 

I think this is the way it works with people, too. We have initial periods of increasing familiarity (the root of the word familiarity is the same as the word family, incidentally, implying a close, intimate bond). As this getting to know you time evolves, one finds strength and trust in the other, and increasing confidence allows for greater expression of love, gratitude, affirmation, and interest. One shares because one's heart is full, and because one trusts the other's intentions and ability to receive. Judgement is suspended in the desire to accommodate the other's needs, wants, and desires. Ultimately the relationship reaches a point where judgement is no longer necessary or even felt - just a pure, sincere, and loving exchange.

I truly believe this is the kind of relationship the Lord wants us to have with Him. And I also truly believe that this is the relationship He wants us to have with each other.

It's hard for me. I'm an introvert, which means I become exhausted when I expend energy in the initial stages of getting to know someone. But I've found that if I can choose a few people - a few intimates - with whom I can share my feelings and thoughts, that they are encouraged in turn to share with me. And THAT is truly delightful.