I am sad today.
I got some news last night that really disturbed me. Without going into details, I have been disappointed in the performance of someone I thought I knew. He wasn't close to me, but I was proud to see the progress he was making towards turning his life around. Then, in a moment of weakness, his life took a drastic change for the worse. And I am left wondering what leads to these momentary lapses in judgement.
I know there are medical reasons - chemical imbalances, for example - that lead people to do things they might not otherwise have done. For some reason, this seems to absolve people of a lot. If you are physically unable or unstable, people tend to forgive a lot easier.
I also know there are psychological reasons for people behaving badly. People have had atrocities happen to them or around them, which affects their ability to perceive and conduct their lives. They make judgements based on faulty input - their very input mechanism has been skewed towards distrust and disillusionment. These people are harder for us to understand, but somehow we judge them more rashly.
Sometimes the bad decisions are based on a little bit of both. The link between psychology and body chemistry is an interesting one, something I think we don't fully understand. I believe that such a link exists, however, and can affect the way we perceive the world.
But if that's true in a negative way, is it not also possible to affect one's decision making process in positive ways through positive experience? Why is it that one (or even a series) of negative experiences should overcome a lifetime of positive ones? I am not making a judgement here - I really don't understand these things.
I do understand the urge to succumb to weaknesses. We each have our moments of greatness. We each also unfortunately have our moments of weakness.
I believe in the power of forgiveness. It is a miraculous thing, one I think we are scarcely able to understand. It's also a power that I hope to experience continually in my life - on both sides of the equation. I desire more than anything to be forgiven, therefore I must forgive. Interestingly, forgiving others empowers me. It releases me from the bondage and damning emotions of fear, hatred, malice, and despair.
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Note that the statement is not about having weaknesses, but about weakness, a characteristic.
I know a bit about being weak from personal experience. And I have learned that by becoming humble the lord will make me stronger. Not yet perfect, but stronger. And as I get stronger my capacity to grow even stronger increases.
It is a slow process, with frequent backsliding and mistakes. But somehow these turn out to be good for us.
Amie just wrote on her blog about some ongoing physical problems she is having. I think these are part of the same process. We learn that it is actually OK in the long run to slip backwards sometimes, and that we will probably always have problems of different sorts, but as long as our general tendency is forwards. Probably better not to make the mistakes, but remember we ARE weak, and meant to be that way.
Through being weak we learn with absolute assurance that the only safety is in absolute obedience. And as we learn we become stronger.
One of the most important things to learn from all this is how much better off we are with family and friends who never give up on us. I do not have any idea where I would be now if Mom had quit on me. I do know that I will be eternally thankful that she did not. Lets all help each other to keep trying.
Dad