The friendly skies

She was nervous on the plane.

It was the first time she'd been on a plane. She'd been told what to expect. Being the nervous type, she researched diligently about Bernoulli and his principles, how a jet propulsion engine works, how a careful and well-trained pilot would guide the plane with the aid of a co-pilot and a very expensive system of computers, sensors, gauges, and controls. She knew every aspect of the plane from the top to the bottom. She felt ready to take the trip into the friendly skies.

She was excited, too. Having never been on a plane, she'd never experienced the joy of seeing the world from that vaulted vantage. She wondered how the world would look from above. She wondered about the thrill of take off, with the incredible force she'd read about pressing her backward into the seat. She was also going home to see her family. She had not been home for several years after having been away at college. This was her first chance to see familiar places and faces and things. She wondered how they had changed, how they had stayed the same.

But first the ordeal of the plane ride...

She arrived very early to the airport. She was impressed by the size of the place, the hustle and bustle of arrivals and departures. She breezed through the check-in line and security with no problems and was again impressed by the orderly manner in which everything was handled. Just as she liked it - no questions, no problems: just smooth and easy. After all, these folks have done this a million times.

She waited in the terminal until her plane arrived. She was impressed by how small it looked up close: nothing more really than a big bus with wings... Somehow she'd expected something grander... But no matter - she was on her way! The attendant called her row and she entered the plane through the boarding gate. Even better luck! She had a window seat - and it looked like the plane was not going to be too full - she had the row all to herself! This was going to be very exciting.

The flight attendant began her demonstration and speech as the airplane backed away from the terminal and out onto the tarmac. She tried to pay attention to the attendant, following along with the card in the pocket in front of her, but it wasn't easy to hear over the engines, which were beginning to thrum as the plane went through final flight checks.

Did she just say something about flotation device under my seat? she wondered as she stowed the picture information card back into the pocket in front of her. She decided to reach under her seat to see if she could feel anything that resembled a flotation device.

That's when she encountered the gum.

This was no ordinary gum. This was a whole wad of several pieces of watermelon Hubba-Bubba gum. It was still warm and slimy from the person who had just chewed it. As her probing fingers made contact with the gum, she immediately drew back, repulsed. Ewwww!! SICK! she thought. How could anyone do that? That's disgusting!

She thought to call a flight attendant to alert someone of the problem, but by then the plane was taxiing to the runway and all the attendants were in their seats, ready for take off.

She leaned forward to see if she could get an idea of exactly where this gum was situated and if she could easily remove it. As she leaned forward, she felt and heard an incredible vibration as the engines spooled up for take-off. The incredible force of the plane's engines kept her in that leaning-forward position all during the run down the tarmac until that magical moment when the wheels left the earth. Because of her position, she missed the sensation of the g-forces pushing her into her chair. Bummer! she thought. I really wanted to experience that.

All due to that lousy GUM under my seat.

The gum began to obsess her. She forgot to look out the window as she reached her hand back under the seat to see if she could scrape it away. Alas, gum being gum, it did not relinquish it's hold on the seat bottom easily. Completely revolted, and trying to hold back dry-heaves (which were compounded by the take-off in that awkward position and the minor turbulence the plane was experiencing), she pulled off a hunk of the gum.

Now what? she wondered, as she leaned back up. There was no convenient place to deposit the gum. The gum, again, being gum, started to warm in her hand and became quite sticky. I've got to get rid of this quick! she decided as she reached for her purse with her non-gummed hand. In her purse she had a tissue, with which she tried to remove the gum from her hand. Tissue being tissue, she was only able to remove most of the gum, while the rest remained stuck to her hand except now it was festooned with bits of torn tissue.

She started getting upset.

Who in their right mind would stick GUM to the bottom of MY SEAT! How disgusting! How completely revolting! Here I am, on the plane ride of my life, and I am unable to enjoy ANYTHING because someone stuck GUM under my seat!!! ARGH!!!

Almost on the verge of tears (for which she had no tissues any more) she noticed someone speaking to her: Would you care for anything to drink?

"Boy, would I!" she said. "Have you got any Sprite?"

"Yes," the flight attendant said. "That'll be two dollars. We can charge your card or you can pay cash."

Two dollars for a can of Sprite?!? No way. "Have you got any water? I think I'll just have water..."

"The water is also two dollars..."

"Ok. Never mind."

She had been looking forward to that liquid with which she was going to wash off the GUM still stuck to her hand.

Why didn't anyone tell me about the gum? If I had only known there was gum under my seat I would never have put my hand under there... SIGH

The more she thought about the injustice of it all, the more frustrated she became. She even forgot to look out the window. The WINDOW! I'm missing it all!!

She leaned over to look out the window and noticed that it was slightly frosted, as if there were a thin layer of dust. Never having been on a plane before, she didn't know that this was, in fact, just a plastic cover over the window, and therefore very subject to scratches. Passengers riding the plane before her had touched, rubbed, or otherwise interacted with the window, such that it was now in the condition she saw - a perfectly normal thing on all airplanes.

In an effort to eliminate some of this opacity, however, she forgot that she had gum on her hand and reached out to rub some of the perceived dust from the window. Now the window had gum on it also...

She spent the rest of the plane ride too disgusted to look at the window, much less try to see out of it. She obsessed about the gum, fumed about the injustice of it all, and missed what would otherwise have been a very enjoyable and interesting flight.

Meanwhile, in the row immediately in front of her, another young woman was doing just that. It was her first flight, also. She enjoyed the thrill of take-off, the incredible view from the window, and was in general overcome with the audacity of man in taking to the friendly skies in this way. She was aware of a large wad of gum under her seat as well, having reached under to check on the life preserver, just like the poor young woman behind her. But after her first contact with it, knowing what it was, she left it alone, and it did not interfere with her flight or her peace.

There were once two Buddhist monks travelling in complete silence, as per their vows, down a distant country road. They came to a river, where there was a beautiful young woman waiting to cross the torrential water. One monk, remembering his vows of chastity as well, passed on without comment. The other, however, picked up the young woman on his back and carried her across the river, depositing her safely on the opposite bank. With a bow he rejoined his companion.

The first monk was stunned. He was frustrated and angry, and finally he could stand it no longer. "How could you break your vows so easily?" he queried. "You know we're not allowed to have any physical contact with women!"

The other monk did not rise to the anger he noted in his companion's voice. Serenely, he noted, "I let her off my back two miles ago. When are you going to let her off yours?"