Don't know much about...

One of the dangers we are repeatedly warned about in the scriptures is that of the pride that comes with learning. To wit:

2 Nephi 9:

27 But wo unto him that has the law given, yea, that has all the commandments of God, like unto us, and that transgresseth them, and that wasteth the days of his probation, for awful is his state!
28 O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.
29 But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God.

Further:

2nd Timothy 3:

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

I particularly like that last verse - "ever learning, but never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." It so full of despair and despondency and frustration.

In my years spent at the University of Utah I was impressed with the level of thinking on which these people were able to operate. Extremely intelligent, but lacking a certain light. I am not sure if you know what I mean by lacking a certain light. There is a perceptible light in many people, a light that comes from within them that shines in their eyes and faces and countenances. It is glorious and beautiful. It is the very light of God and Christ, and it illuminates and refines and dignifies. It speaks of faith and purity and strength of character. It is the most attractive thing on the earth. We all desire to be around those kinds of people because of their inherent quality and goodness.

These professorial types, these intelligentsia, they have so much potential but no light. I am not sure at what point the scales get tipped and the light becomes diminished, but I imagine that it is a rather gradual process. I don't think someone wakes up one morning and says - that's it. I don't believe in God anymore. I don't believe in religion - it's just an opiate for the masses. I, I am above all of that. I know what I know and that precludes me from belief in a God - any god. The only thing I can trust is myself and my own learning. It is not reasonable or logical to believe in miracles, priesthood, God or heaven, salvation or exaltation. The rites and rituals are good for those who are of lesser intelligence. But for me, I know better.

In all honesty, I felt myself starting to slip into this category. I started to feel the pull of the logic and reason against my faith. It began rather simply - we are taught to be respectful and tolerant to other's points of view. In learning about these things, I was able to see how other's viewpoints may be valid and how my own must look compared with them. The carefully erected forms and defenses I had built for myself began to be undermined by the most insidious means - that of the gentle persuasion, the thoughtful and respectful argument, and the logical application of reason - such as it is. It was a very valiant effort on the part of the Adversary. He is well practiced at this kind of deception.

Interestingly, what gave me hope and strength in this time of struggle was three things. First, I looked at our prophet. President Hinckley was an intelligent man, as are all the leaders of our Church. Yet they are faithful and diligent. They are not lead by the whims of men, but are built upon the Rock.

Second, I remained true to my covenants and strove to read the scriptures and pray daily. It is no small thing. In this case, it literally saved me. I was able to be with the Spirit and feel His care and love. There's just no substitute for that. It cannot be faked or reasoned away. It just is. In connection with that, I also drew much strength from the hymns of the Church. Whenever I sing hymns, whether in my mind or out loud, I remember my mother singing hymns in Church. She seemed to know all of the hymns by heart (an appropriate phrase!) and it was lovely to listen to her sing praise to the Lord. She's a faithful and intelligent woman, and she knows it's true.

Third, I had conversations with my father. My dad has always been an incredible counsellor to/for me. When I struggle, somehow he always knows EXACTLY what I need to hear. We discussed these things at length. He never made me feel bad about my struggling, but supported me and showed me in his gentle and loving way how these things are not new. He pointed out that scripture in 2 Timothy to me, noting how Paul was talking about OUR day. Indeed, he was talking to me. Dad pointed out that these people think that they're just a little better than the rest of us. Their knowledge allows them to smile at us in our dependent condition and feel secure in their wisdom and knowledge. He said that it is foolish to rely on our own brains or on the learning of men. There are some things that require faith and that faith does not make us weak - quite the contrary. Learning to rely on a perfect Heavenly Father makes us more powerful than we could ever be by ourselves. As usual, he was right on.

And I think of the hymn:

O Ye Mountains High, no. 34

1. O ye mountains high, where the clear blue sky

Arches over the vales of the free,

Where the pure breezes blow and the clear streamlets flow,

How I’ve longed to your bosom to flee!

O Zion! dear Zion! land of the free,

Now my own mountain home, unto thee I have come;

All my fond hopes are centered in thee.

2. Tho the great and the wise all thy beauties despise,

To the humble and pure thou art dear;

Tho the haughty may smile and the wicked revile,

Yet we love thy glad tidings to hear.

O Zion! dear Zion! home of the free,

Tho thou wert forced to fly to thy chambers on high,

Yet we’ll share joy and sorrow with thee.

3. In thy mountain retreat, God will strengthen thy feet;

Without fear of thy foes thou shalt tread;

And their silver and gold, as the prophets have told,

Shall be brought to adorn thy fair head.

O Zion! dear Zion! home of the free,

Soon thy towers shall shine with a splendor divine,

And eternal thy glory shall be.

4. Here our voices we’ll raise, and we’ll sing to thy praise,

Sacred home of the prophets of God.

Thy deliv’rance is nigh; thy oppressors shall die;

And thy land shall be freedom’s abode.

O Zion! dear Zion! land of the free,

In thy temples we’ll bend; all thy rights we’ll defend;

And our home shall be ever with thee.