I’ve kept a journal off and on since I was a sophomore in high school. When I was married to Youngshin, I used my blog both as a journal and as a way to express some thoughts that I didn’t feel comfortable - or able at all - to express. And now I find myself in a place where Diana has the ability and desire to share and grow and learn of me and with me, so I find my need to write has diminished. Not gone to nothing (or zero), but significantly diminished.
But I find myself in a place where much has happened over the past few months and I really ought to record it - for the sake of keeping history, if not for any cathartic need on my part.
Diana and I have had adventures and blessings and tragedies. Here’s a brief catch up:
For our honeymoon, Diana and I went on a trip to Italy. She’s been a couple of times in the past, and was eager for another chance to get there and look around. It’s funny, maybe, when you put it that way - we went to Italy and looked around, but I’m telling you - there’s just so much to SEE! The SEEING is the doing, there. Buildings and palaces and piazzas and pizzas and cathedrals and towers and banners and people - always the shining faces of the people... Lyudmila on the train from Venice... The police telling Diana not to feed the pigeons in Venice... The odd ecclesiastical or scholastic procession through the streets of Florence... the LDS faithful in Rome... The rain soaked Catholic faithful in St. Peter’s plaza in Rome, being blessed by the Pope in person on Diana’s birthday... The patient and understanding lady who had to confiscate our lemon sodas in New York... And finally getting home to Ellie and Elise and Ammon and Abigail - the faces I most longed for....
I wrote a short little post about finding out we were pregnant. We were so full of joy and happiness and desire (and not a little fear and trepidation...) As we went through the months of morning sickness (She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain is a pretty good emetic, it turns out) and meeting with midwives and nurses and lots of helpful people, our hope increased and we tried to get everything ready for the arrival of our little one. We had ultrasounds but did not find out the gender of our little one... Life has so few real surprises anymore, and I liked the idea of not knowing until the last second. On a late August evening, after spending the day working on building Margo’s gazebo in Willard, we got home late. Diana’s water broke at around nine in the evening and we went to the hospital, only to have our worst fears realized - the baby was in a great deal of stress and an emergency c-section was required. Benjamin Leo Cobabe was born at 1:45AM and he was very, very sick. Unfortunately too sick to survive. He died the following day at 1:30 PM, surrounded by my sisters and mother. I originally wanted to exclude Amie from that, but I just KNOW she was there... Over the next few weeks and months, we had an incredible number of tender, sweet kindnesses shown to us - too many to even count. It hurts a lot, still, and there is a lot of anger and frustration and doubt and fear... But there is also a tremendous amount of love and respect and hope and prayers on our behalf, making everything almost too much to handle.
I miss him. Little Leo.
In October we really all needed a break, so we loaded up the truck and headed to Nauvoo. We had a marvelous time - even the weather cooperated! - as we made stops in Winter Quarters (where an ancestor is buried) and in Jackson County Missouri (where the root beer wasn’t what we’d hoped it would be, although the Greek food was decent) and then in Nauvoo, where we’d planned on spending 2 days, but ended up staying four... It was an amazing experience. We were joined by Margo in Kansas City, which was an absolute delight - she’s a great travel companion! I loved, especially, spending time with Ellie as we walked around the historic sites and learned about the Smith Family - she’s a Smith, after all! She kept referring to Joseph Smith as “HER cousin” which is true and fun.
This new year has brought a few changes as well, and possibly even more as we look forward to the coming year. I told Diana that things with me would not necessarily be easy, but I promised her that she would never be bored. Maybe sometimes she would wish for some boredom... But that’s just not how life works when you’re with and around me...
And so, constant reader, I am grateful for your patience and love and I hope you’ll continue on with us as Diana and I strive to navigate the course we find before us. Rocks and shoals may be in our path, but I know that as we hold to each other we can face anything that life throws at us. Stay tuned - you’ll never be bored either.
But I find myself in a place where much has happened over the past few months and I really ought to record it - for the sake of keeping history, if not for any cathartic need on my part.
Diana and I have had adventures and blessings and tragedies. Here’s a brief catch up:
For our honeymoon, Diana and I went on a trip to Italy. She’s been a couple of times in the past, and was eager for another chance to get there and look around. It’s funny, maybe, when you put it that way - we went to Italy and looked around, but I’m telling you - there’s just so much to SEE! The SEEING is the doing, there. Buildings and palaces and piazzas and pizzas and cathedrals and towers and banners and people - always the shining faces of the people... Lyudmila on the train from Venice... The police telling Diana not to feed the pigeons in Venice... The odd ecclesiastical or scholastic procession through the streets of Florence... the LDS faithful in Rome... The rain soaked Catholic faithful in St. Peter’s plaza in Rome, being blessed by the Pope in person on Diana’s birthday... The patient and understanding lady who had to confiscate our lemon sodas in New York... And finally getting home to Ellie and Elise and Ammon and Abigail - the faces I most longed for....
I wrote a short little post about finding out we were pregnant. We were so full of joy and happiness and desire (and not a little fear and trepidation...) As we went through the months of morning sickness (She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain is a pretty good emetic, it turns out) and meeting with midwives and nurses and lots of helpful people, our hope increased and we tried to get everything ready for the arrival of our little one. We had ultrasounds but did not find out the gender of our little one... Life has so few real surprises anymore, and I liked the idea of not knowing until the last second. On a late August evening, after spending the day working on building Margo’s gazebo in Willard, we got home late. Diana’s water broke at around nine in the evening and we went to the hospital, only to have our worst fears realized - the baby was in a great deal of stress and an emergency c-section was required. Benjamin Leo Cobabe was born at 1:45AM and he was very, very sick. Unfortunately too sick to survive. He died the following day at 1:30 PM, surrounded by my sisters and mother. I originally wanted to exclude Amie from that, but I just KNOW she was there... Over the next few weeks and months, we had an incredible number of tender, sweet kindnesses shown to us - too many to even count. It hurts a lot, still, and there is a lot of anger and frustration and doubt and fear... But there is also a tremendous amount of love and respect and hope and prayers on our behalf, making everything almost too much to handle.
I miss him. Little Leo.
In October we really all needed a break, so we loaded up the truck and headed to Nauvoo. We had a marvelous time - even the weather cooperated! - as we made stops in Winter Quarters (where an ancestor is buried) and in Jackson County Missouri (where the root beer wasn’t what we’d hoped it would be, although the Greek food was decent) and then in Nauvoo, where we’d planned on spending 2 days, but ended up staying four... It was an amazing experience. We were joined by Margo in Kansas City, which was an absolute delight - she’s a great travel companion! I loved, especially, spending time with Ellie as we walked around the historic sites and learned about the Smith Family - she’s a Smith, after all! She kept referring to Joseph Smith as “HER cousin” which is true and fun.
This new year has brought a few changes as well, and possibly even more as we look forward to the coming year. I told Diana that things with me would not necessarily be easy, but I promised her that she would never be bored. Maybe sometimes she would wish for some boredom... But that’s just not how life works when you’re with and around me...
And so, constant reader, I am grateful for your patience and love and I hope you’ll continue on with us as Diana and I strive to navigate the course we find before us. Rocks and shoals may be in our path, but I know that as we hold to each other we can face anything that life throws at us. Stay tuned - you’ll never be bored either.
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