The Sublime Roundabout

So I'm in Korea now. It's been a truly delightful trip so far and I'm enjoying myself thoroughly. One of the highlights thus far has been spending a little time with my wife's sister's son Hyeonsoo. He's a great kid (he's 18 - the same age as my son) and he was a good sport to spend some time with his oddball uncle from the States. He was willing to go with me to one of my old mission areas - the first I'd been to when I got to Korea, actually - and walk around. Sure, it didn't mean much to him, but we walked around and looked at things that he had no reason to have any interest in. Like I said - he was a good sport. :) When we were walking around where my first little apartment was, I asked him what he preferred - a high-rise apartment, or one of these low-rise condo or "villa" type apartments. See, in Korea there are several types of apartments, ranging from skyscraper types that are tens of stories high, to those which are four stori...

What lives on in mem'ry lost Of loves come and gone Who counts the cost? And who can know of hearts healed Of how scars remain And what is revealed... For this exists alone and lives still The memory of your touch On my burdened soul did thrill And perhaps I shall find That my life carries on That it has been kind But now feels all like scars and pain That never should a man have to bear And bear, and bear again Each heartbeat begins it anew Fresh remembered and fresh bleeding Each time I think of you I think of you

I see you there Just there Your eyes are not yet open Your breath and body relaxed And peaceful The sunlight peaking over the mountains Hasn't reached your face yet The sun hasn't made her appearance I didn't realize I was Holding my breath Waiting in sweet anticipation And from over the spring-green mountains The golden sunrise of a new day Bursts forth upon the world No longer held in darkness At that moment The first glorious ray of sunshine Touches your celestial face And you open your eyes It is truly impossible to say Which has brought more light into my world The sun Or your eyes And I weep for joy

Our lives have become so intertwined Like my fingers in your hair Like lazy lovers' legs In the early morning light Like the life sustaining arteries and veins That course blood-hot blood Through our bodies And truly we twain are no longer But a divine, glorious one And I forget where you began And where I end This is what love really is This is what life really is

I know. It's not a word. But here you go, anyway:

You have ignited a fire In the cold, bare hearth Empty, save for ashes That was my heart Bringing warmth and light and Life To something I thought was Cold and dark and Dead Not so very dead, after all

There's something alluring about places that have been abandoned and forgotten. I'm not entirely sure what it is - they're dusty, spooky, and echo with the footfalls of forgotten souls. And yet... I loved this article: http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20160515-the-places-the-world-forgot The photographs are wonderfully expressive. They capture the feel of the place, the texture of the decay, and the other-worldly aspect of these places. Made by people, for the use of people, these abandoned places become something else entirely. And it's mysterious. It's intriguing. It pulls me in... Perhaps it's because it is the forbidden. There's something about exploring the taboo, the condemned, and the dangerous that is appealing. Perhaps it's because of the ghosts - both the spirituous apparition type as well as the metaphoric ghosts that these places represent. The departed as well as the defeated. The gone and the lost. And perhaps it is because t...

Do you ever dream Only to wake up Just before the dream reaches conclusion? And then you try To go back to sleep To enter again The world of what might be? When I see your face When I hear your voice When I even just think of you I feel that I'm a part Of that waking dream That has no end That pleasant and peaceful place That speaks of heavenly realms above So sleep is a burden For why should I dream When my life is wondrous and good With you in the world

From somewhere deep in your soul Somewhere near your heart A light begins to form Swelling within you Suffusing your whole body Until it bursts forth onto your face As a smile And I fall in love all over again

Although, I don't think it was actually on film... I think maybe we're done with physical records of our entertainment... Weird, that... Anyway, we decided that after the funeral a good way to remember Amie was to go watch a movie. My wife (who skipped the activities) told her family and they were shocked - such a somber and reflective occasion shouldn't involve just going out for a movie. But, I think Amie would have approved. And I kind of think she was there with us. She did love movies. :) We went to see the latest Captain America film. I generally liked it - maybe I would have liked it more if I hadn't just been through a funeral, but it was still quite entertaining. One of the premises of the film, and I gather it's the same premise as the Batman vs. Superman flick, is that there is a group of individuals out there who have "enhanced capabilities" and who operate outside the law, or outside any authority or sanction from any government oversight....

I hate today. It just highlights how much an emotional wreck I am, and how very alone I feel so often. When I hear my amazing brother in law share how much he's just wanted someone to talk to, someone who he knows will listen and love and cherish... I just... I want that. So much. I don't know why there is so much inequity and difficulty in this world. I've talked with guys who say they would rather have someone who was disconnected and disinterested. That they felt like their significant others were nagging and prying. Meanwhile there's me who so often feels so neglected and unappreciated in my emotions, or told that I'm too needy and emotional.... Too sensitive... Yeah. I don't know. I am glad that Gordon and Amie found each other and were able to love each other through it all. I'm glad that for as long as it was, they were happy, if not always blissful. Because life isn't bliss. But life is supposed to be happy and joyful even when ther...

Here's a link: http://dcourier.com/news/2016/may/04/obituary-amie-lee-cobabe-cobb/ Text: Amie Lee (Cobabe) Cobb quietly passed with the morning sunrise at her home in Prescott Valley, Arizona on Sunday May 1, 2016, at the age of 42, due to complications from cancer treatments, which she had endured with grace and courage since her early childhood. Her decision to cease treatment allowed friends and loved ones to say a final good-bye, which was a touching experience for all who were able to participate. Many family and friends will long cherish the experiences of the week preceding her passing. Amie is survived by her husband of nearly 25 years, Gordon Burl Cobb; and her children, Ian Joseph 19 and Courtnie Jean Cobb 14. She is also survived by her loving parents, Fredrick William and Valerie Jean Cobabe; and her brothers, Bill, Andy, Josh and Alex; and sisters, Michelle Loosli and Lindsey Livingston, along with their spouses; and many nieces and nephews. Amie wa...

This has been a very difficult 24 hours. My sister was an amazing woman. She influenced so many with her talents and skills and intelligence and love... It's difficult to overstate such a thing. My first memories of Amie are of a golden-haired little girl with sunshine in her face and a twinkle of starlight in her eye. She was a natural leader, and her position as the oldest of seven siblings was something she found both to her liking as well as fitting her personality. She was strong-willed and intelligent, skipping most of her kindergarten and moving straight into first grade. This put her two years ahead of me in school, and it was awesome because she paved the way for me and the rest of us kids to follow. She set a good example for us, earning good grades at school, but also in her ability to make friends with people. People often thought we were twins, despite the age difference. Which always made me proud. She wasn't always the easiest person to get along with....

Amie died this morning. The word that Koreans use when someone has passed is "to return."  It is accurate, I think, and interesting that a country that has a lengthy and extensive Buddhist tradition uses the idea of returning. From whence do we return? To our home. To our parents. To the loving embrace of our other departed. To that Father who gave us life. My heart is broken, but my hope is bright. I love you, sis. God speed your return.