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On struggling...

... in which I question if it's OK to question.

I have a maxim in my life that I have come to really appreciate. It is this: it is OK to struggle, but it is not OK to give up.

As a corollary to that idea, I have come to appreciate the struggling that takes place in the hearts of many people. This serves as a purifying and strengthening action, making us better people overall. It is OK to question. It is OK to wonder.

Further contemplation of this has led me to the idea that questioning can come from two different aspects. If one questions in faith, one believes that there is an answer. The requirement to gain the answer is a process in which patience and diligent seeking is required. It is exhausting, but it is fulfilling and leads to much richness of soul. The Lord Himself said that blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost. In the Doctrine and Covenants, we learn that the things of God are light, and that light, once received grows brighter and brighter until the perfect day. In our current status our view is incredibly limited. We cannot see beyond the present - and worse, we are often beset with the haunting memory of past imperfections. This brings me to my second aspect.

Those who question with no faith - in a state of doubt - do not believe there is an answer. There is no answer because there is no answer-giver. There is no answer-giver, no plan, no rhyme or reason to anything. This leads to cynicism, skepticism, and despair. One is left to question everything, because every answer is suspect.

Overarching all of this is a need to feel that there is an answer. Those who are in despair feel lost and confused and adrift in a sea of information that clamors for attention. And like the cold, fathomless depths of the sea, this information constantly saps at one's strength, leaving a person weak, alone, and cold. The life preserver is there, yet it is not sought because the cynic cannot trust in the life preserver's ability to, well, preserve life.

What has come to my mind and experience is just that - experience. While my experience may be different than yours, I cannot deny what I have experienced. The things I have come to know as a result of these experiences are both indescribable and undeniable. They are very personal.

And that's the rub. If one's experiences are indescribable and personal, how can one relate what one has experienced to another in any kind of logical sense? How can I describe to you what salt tastes like? How can I tell you what I feel when I look into my daughter's eyes? How can I possibly make you understand the incredible swellings of my heart in response to the Divine?

I cannot.

I dare not try, lest I cheapen the experience.

Yet it is real. It is the most real and genuine thing I know. It is sweet and I love it.

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