The Sublime Roundabout

Nerzhin spoke, evidently delivering thoughts long pondered. “When I was outside and read what wise men had to say about the meaning of life, or happiness, I always found it difficult to understand. I treated them with respect: They were sages, doing what they were supposed to do. But the meaning of life? We are alive, and that’s what it means. Happiness? When life is very good to us, that’s happiness, everybody knows. . . . Prison has my blessing! It’s made me think. To understand what happiness means, let us first consider being full. Remember the Lubyanka or your time in counterintelligence. Remember that thin, watery porridge of oats or barley, without a single sparkle of fat. Do you just eat it? Just dine on it? No—it’s Holy Communion! You receive it with awed reverence, as though it were the life’s breath of the yogis! You eat it slowly, eat it from the tip of a wooden spoon, eat it utterly absorbed in the process of eating, the thought of eating—and the pleasurable feeling suffu...

This is a lily. Specifically, it's a tiger lily. I took this picture this morning while I was thinking of you. Everything that is beautiful makes me think of you. But this morning, this lily made me think of you for several reasons. This tiger lily may not want to be a tiger lily. It may look at the day lilies we have growing nearby and think - it would be nice to be like that: tall, attractive, whatever. I don't know if lilies are jealous of other flowers the way people sometimes are. But regardless of what it may think it wants to be, the tiger lily cannot change what it is. So this one just carries on being the most beautiful thing ever. Is there any question why this would remind me of you? We live in a world where people are going to try to force you to conform. They do this in many ways, both subtle and obvious, but all equally painful and demeaning. It's not fair, and it's certainly not right. But it will happen. My wish for you is to be the tiger lil...

There are things I can understand quite easily. Some others take time, research, patience, and diligence to come to understand. And there are some things I fear I may never understand. This is frustrating for me, because I NEED TO KNOW. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND. Without this understanding, I feel adrift. Uneasy. Yes, frustrated. I was talking recently with someone who said that people who wonder and worry lack intelligence. That if people were smart enough they would just accept things as they are. I am not one of those people. So, today, when I hear of incredibly sad things going on, when I just can't understand, I am filled with sadness and pain - even sympathetic pain, as though the loss were my own. Maybe this is what Alma meant by the waters of Mormon - being willing to mourn with those who mourn, and bearing one another's burdens. I know. I cannot know everything all at once, even if I would. And perhaps this is the way God chooses to reveal Himself - slowly, ...

I'm diggin' the World Cup. I am admittedly not the world's biggest soccer fan. But it's hard not to get excited when teams from around the world play each other. There's so much in the news and in the world that is distressing. It can be very refreshing to see teams play each other. Of course, it can also be charged and emotional as well. So, here's the question - do you think that international sporting events (World Cup, Olympics, Wimbledon, America's Cup, whatever...) are good for international diplomacy? Or do you think the competition is a negative thing? Just wondering where y'all come down on this issue...

Wouldn't you like to come watch Doctor Who with me? Amelia Pond and River Song are trying to find a weeping angel in a maze of the dead. You're welcome to come hang out with my smooshie and me.

Sometimes it's useful to take a larger view of things. The world can feel a very large, intimidating space, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed and lost. I recently came across this: http://memolition.com/2014/06/15/stunning-aerial-shots-that-that-give-you-a-new-perspective-of-the-world/ The world is a lovely place, one in which we - all of us - has a part. I like looking at google earth - I'm a bit of a map junkie, anyway. It's fun to look at distant places and think about what it would be like there. I also like to look at places I've been, whether it's looking at that small inlet in San Diego where I spent nine weeks in boot camp or the zoo I went to in Korea or the gardens of Versailles. I like looking for patterns - things that are only able to be perceived at a huge scale. I also like looking at the smaller scale, noticing how the individual houses and streets are laid out. It's very interesting also to consider the relationships between them -...

My heart is heavy this morning. I read that Kate Kelly and others are being brought up on Church disciplinary action. For those who are unfamiliar with the process/proceedings of LDS Church discipline, it can be a bit mystifying. There are several levels of censure that the Church may impose. These range from a simple removal of some privileges for a short period of time to the most severe action - excommunication. When one is excommunicated, the person's membership in the Church is terminated. It is a very extreme measure, and for the faithful it can be a very difficult thing to consider. What people don't understand - what is nearly impossible for someone outside the proceedings to understand - is the amount of love felt. It's discipline. It's intended to be harsh (at times). And it's intended to be unpleasant. But it is done with love and care for the person. Since excommunication is such an extreme measure, it is really only very rarely applied. There are ...

Would you do it all again Knowing what you know now Would you venture the pain Would you walk through the fire Or suffer the icy cold buffets Of realities' stark winds Knowing it can be so cruel So terribly unkind So dark and lonely and fearsome Would you dare I would. Because it's worth it. You are worth it. Because all the darkness in the world Cannot extinguish the light That shines in your heart That sparkles in your eyes That beams forth from your very soul And I love it And I love you.

He looked into her eyes The loveliest he'd ever known And saw deep into her mind She was the most beautiful woman Her hair, her skin, her face Such a companion as you never find So he whispered in her ear Sharing his heart and soul Hoping that she would be kind He spoke of great thoughts Of love, of life, of light He was seeking, their souls to bind And she seemed willing Comprehending his words On his love, it seemed, she dined But when she was sated And became a bit bored She pushed him out, behind She went on to enjoy another repast Leaving an empty shell A corpse. A rind. And he remains all alone With no joy, no love, no heart While beautiful things of her do remind And each day becomes a burden Having so much to share And no one to understand No one to listen No one to allow him to love them And he cried http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4sdoEbfef8&sns=em

I am a dreamer. Through and through. I am aware of reality, but often only as a scaffolding on which to create my dreams. I believe in a world where dreams do come true if diligent effort and patience are applied. A world where people can make things happen, can shape the future according to their desires. Where what is does not preclude what may be. My dreams are often vague and nebulous. Ethereal and impressionistic. They are of a future not for myself, but for the entire world. And they are always full of light and joy and peace. But I also have dreams that are terrifyingly personal, immediate, and wonderful. I dream of specific people and events. I dream of things I want, of plans I want to make, of goals and needs and passions. Sometimes these are actual dreams that come to me in the night, while other times I ponder (daydream?) about possibilities and potential outcomes of things that may be. Whatever the dreams, I hold on to them. I do not often share them because they are...

In which I discuss the merits of being a bachelor. There is something nice about being by one's self. It does get a bit lonely. But there's no pressure to get things done, no one else's agenda to which you must adhere. No schedule but your own. You come and go as you please. You eat what you like, when you like, if you like. Or not. You sleep when you wish, and if you still have to get up for work, you do so without worrying whether or not you're disturbing someone else. There's no conversation, which I miss - I do love a good conversation - but you can talk to people at work or church. And when you're home you may just have quiet. You may watch or read what you wish. You can lay around all day and just take it easy. Or you may work at your own pace on projects that interest you. All in all, it's rather pleasant. And it all ends on Thursday when I go pick up the fam in Oregon. And I will probably feel much more complete. I guess all I'm trying to s...

My thoughts turn ever to thee When I see a sunrise Full of promise and glory Of hope and joy and light For thou art my light, my joy, my song My hope and desire (Ah! Such sweet desire and longing!) And even the darkest night Cannot steal the promise Of the breaking dawn (I took this photo myself this morning when I woke up. It made me think of you, dear heart. Of course, all things glorious and beautiful make me think of you. So, you see, you are never far from my thoughts.)

http://youtu.be/1TxcOsDY5kM The question is, what are you willing to tolerate for your angel?

So I just stumbled across this: http://hannahhurtful.tumblr.com This may be the most awesome thing I've seen in many months. It's refreshing to see that there are people who really get it (!) when it comes to feminism and what it means to be a feminist. I would copy and post some of my favorite posts but I don't know how to do that from tumblr. I don't even know what tumblr is, really, as opposed to blogger or whatever. Hats off to hannahhurtful for the inspiring morning. *** Edit*** Just attended my first church meeting in the new ward. The topic for discussion in priesthood was the talk in our last general conference by Elder Oaks, which focused on the keys and authority of the priesthood. He also touched a lot on why men in the Church are ordained to offices within the priesthood and why women are not. Essentially it boils down to the idea that Christ Himself has directed the pattern and that people in earth must follow His direction. While I dislike that e...