The Sublime Roundabout

Petal

2012-02-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

My dearest love,

The stars lined up that day. I know it sounds cliche, but they really did. It was as if a thousand angels had worked a thousand years to make sure everything was just right. Their angelic wings touched everything, turning all into a dream of goodness, purity, and light.

But nothing could match the light that comes from your eyes, dear one.

Your eyes - so full of wonder and glory and joy. Your eyes - like pools of deepest contemplation. Your eyes - in which I find reflected all the hope I have for the future. I see the intelligence that brings light to my life, like a summer rain to desert landscapes. I see the hope that reaches across the chasm of the eternities and fills the immensity of space with light. I see, most precious to me, I see the love that is reserved only for me.

And it is wondrous to me.

Then you smile, a secret, sweet smile that warms my very soul. A smile - that simple gesture that means so much - a smile that breaks down years of unseen and unknown defenses. A smile that contains the very golden light of the sun, brighter and warmer than a summer's day, sweeter and more lovely than a gentle breeze full of honeysuckle perfume. Just a smile, in the way that a hurricane is just a storm.

My soul is reborn each time I even think of your smile.

Your touch is worth a thousand summer days laying warm in the sun, stretched out on a blanket on a vast sea of green, green grass. It is as though the power of a bolt of lightning had been tempered and sweetened to the point that one may endure - but only just. I feel your touch on my cheek, on my arm, on my chest, a touch I never knew, yet a touch that makes me feel home. Never did anyone feel so blessed by the noble, heavenly angel's wing.

I bemoan the frailties of human language which are at a complete loss to describe my feelings.

I love you. People say I love you all the time. Can these three words contain the universe of feeling that I have for you? Can you know what I mean when I say I love you? Is it possible for the immensity of the ocean to be contained in a mason jar? Could all of the sands of all the beaches and deserts be contained in one hour glass? As easily may the light of all the stars, all the photons ever emitted by all the stars that have ever been born, gone super nova, and faded away, be contained on a photographer's slide.

For two people to find each other, to love each other - this is truly sublime. This is the very presence of God Himself.

People say that feelings change over time. That passions fade. That love grows dim. That lovers grow old. That separation divides and removes and eliminates. Yet this is not possible. The time spent apart only serves to heighten and attenuate the longing, the bittersweet ache of desire, the raging fires of passion within, banked though they may be. Indeed, as Epicurus taught - we must sup at the table of life such that we find satiety, that when it is time to push away from this vast feast of feelings and experiences we have no regrets. Yet it is also important for us to experience times of hunger, of delayed satisfaction and gratification, that we may learn how sweet life really is.

And life with you is sweet, even when separated. Who can separate two hearts that beat as one?

The sum of all existence is this: to love, and to be loved. I love you. I am loved by you. This is my existence. This is who I am and who I always shall be. Nothing will change that. Tides come in and out, mountains arise and are worn down, and celestial events pass in a delirium of silence. All of these things shall pass away, but my love for you will always remain.

Please hear me. Please listen to my heart and know of the depth of my feeling. Please know I adore you with that love and adoration that is worshipful and sweet and overarching. I abase myself before the altar that is my love for you, forever and ever.

I love you.
Mon ami.

Cuyahoga

2012-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Just dump a little more
They said
These men in plastic suits
Wheeling drums of waste
To the waters edge

Just a little more
And our profits will increase
The river will purify itself
No one will know
Nothing bad will come of this

Now a little more
As the choked river dies
The land's life blood
Devoid of life
Smothered and smoldering

Add just a bit more
The river can take it!
Once clear waters
Now turbid and oily
Murky and deadly

The flames started
Who knows where or why
Across the water they sped
Sending black smoke upwards
Polluting above with the pollution below

How do you use water
To put out a river on fire?

Tremblor

2012-02-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

the earth moves beneath your body as you lie awake in the early morning light that half-light that is not fully day but is bright enough to perceive that this day is going to be different because the earth is moving wait how can the earth move the earth is stable is hard and firm and yet the vibrations the moving the shaking are undeniable you begin to hear other movements around you people calling out crawling under their beds for shelter when the danger is not just above them but below as well because the whole earth is shaking rattling noises from trash cans and metal containers on the tile floor people clattering and crying out in fear you find your own way under your bed but you feel no fear only excitement and vibrations that echo in your mind as your body moves on the floor the trembling quivering earth continues to shake for what seems an eternity although it is really just a short time before the shaking stops almost as abruptly as it began on this clear Sunday morning and you crawl out from under your bed exhilarated but wary of potential damage to the building around you grown men weeping others just trying to hold on and some crazy ones like you grinning and getting dressed for the day

(On June 28, 1992 I was in San Diego in boot camp for the Navy. The quake, which measured 7.3 on the Richter Scale was located way out in the Mojave Desert, but it's effects were felt for hundreds of miles and woke me up. The most aggravation I remember feeling was that I was cheated out of those few extra minutes of precious sleep...)

More on this can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Landers_earthquake

When in the course

2012-02-06T07:08:00.000-08:00

Anger and fear
Greed and avarice
Ignorance and apathy
Strength and power

The games of the Colosseum
Play on

Rome burns
While Nero
Plays on

Christians and lions
Love and lust
Human tragedy and loss
Faith and despair
Exultation and ecstasy

People vie for power
Never realizing
The power
Lies
Within

Sick

2012-02-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

Spanish moss hangs
Like old men's beards
From the branches
Of bald cypresses
And live oaks
Trees stretching their branches
Blocking the wind
Blotting out the sun
Fetid odors escape
From underfoot
As putrid lands
Become disturbed
The absence of oxygen
The lack of light
Has turned
My nasal passages
Into a swamp

Angel

2012-01-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

The dove-white feather
Floats gently down
To rest
In the deep clear pool
Of my heart

Yet not a ripple does it make
On the surface
All is peaceful and calm
Tranquil water remains
Pure and sweet

The ray of light
Reaches into depths unknown
Illuminates farthest reaches
Warm and golden
Filling all with radiance

And the voice of deep water
The sound of stillness
Echoes deep in my soul
Full of meaning and joy
Finding me there, alone

Unashamed, unadorned
Waiting
For the sweet touch
Of my angel
To save

Rock your soul...

2012-01-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

Love this one...

The more I think the less I see

When I'm able to walk

I'm the queen of my world

I let it rain on my skin

I don't let myself down

Wanna be one with you

I wanna be one with you

The more I think the less I do

When I'm able to talk

I'm the queen of my world

I let it rain on my skin

I don't ask myself why

I wanna be one with you

All I want is to rock your soul

I feel closer to the clouds

I'm touching all the highest leaves

On top of the trees

My desires release

So we let it rain...

On our skin

You're holding my hand

I'm holding your life

'N I feel like I'm one with you

I'm be one with you, you

All I want is to rock your soul

I think I have to give you something more than words

Is that something

So I show you my dreams

To make 'em my dreams

Won't you just be?

I am what you see

All I want is to rock your soul

And all I want is to rock your soul

All I want is to rock your soul

Together with the Sun

We shine (all the way) we shine... we shine...

Together with the rain

We fall (in the air) we fall... we fall...

Together with the Sun

We shine (all the way) we shine... we shine...

Together with the rain and the Sun

With the rain, the rain and the Sun... we are

Together with the rain and the Sun

Only with the rain, with the rain and the Sun...

And the Sun... and the Sun...

Gargoyle

2012-01-26T06:47:00.000-08:00

What love is there in the world? he cried
This broken man, without a home
He has gone to far, many paths he'd roam
The flames of hell crept up inside

I've traveled on the spongy loam
Across the desert full of fire
Over mountains that did conspire
And crept into the darkest tomb

I've earned many a brother's ire
Caring little for the steps I trod
Acting as though I were a god
My aspirations ascended higher and higher

So I moved on, rough-shod
Little noticing how my heart was formed
Not noticing that it was not warmed
By vapid smiles and vain applaud

Until the idea came that wormed
Into my soul, into my heart
Unlike any magic or black art
And my fragile, false peace deformed

I ran with tigers, and danced with harts
I soared with eagles, yet through it all
I never considered that I could fall
That all was illusion, a house of cards

And now I know that I shall never know
The heart-felt love from my fellows

Soil

2012-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

When did I awake?
I did not know I was even
Asleep

I walked
I breathed
I ate and even slept

Yet I was asleep

But I have been brought
Like a penitent man
To my knees

Full of awe
And wonder
When did I awake?

That answer is easy
I awoke
At daybreak

Spring in Texas

2012-01-23T08:36:00.001-08:00

The warmth begins
Somewhere around your middle
And spreads northward
To your heart

Arches

2012-01-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

You see them everywhere you go
Those people who are in the know
Clever ones can build them from snow
Others are stone, and others just grow
Some made of water, upward they flow
Some form circles, some form a bow
Yet these gentle curves can show
How to make high things low
While raising others from below
Whether monumental or no
Wherever you go
Whatever seeds you sow
Famous or just John Doe
Raking or using the hoe
Friend or foe
Cup of tea or cup of joe
Curly, Larry, or even Moe
You may say yes, while others say no
Always keeping the status quo
Getting along, the boat you must row
Maybe you'll even get a tow
It may be difficult, though
Travelling through lands of woe
But as long as the wind will blow
And stars in the sky continue to glow
You will always be able to throw
In long sweeping arches.

Sunrise

2012-01-16T13:03:00.000-08:00

Light comes in the manner of a thief
Creeping slowly above the horizon
Darkness, loath to relinquish its hold
Menaces above this horizon
Like the feeling of an impending doom and dread

Yet inexorably the darkness yields to the light
The eastern sky passes from shades of gray to gold
As the twilight begins to spread across the sky
The land, which before was completely black
Becomes defined and finds texture

Tree and branch stand out in stark contrast
Against the ever-lightening sky beyond
Masses which were once just guessed at
Become vegetation and buildings, hills and vales
Leaves and branches, fields of grass and flowers

The clouds become fire, molten and smoldering
Lit from below like the very fires of Hades itself
The sky behind these clouds blazes forth a golden glory
That Midas would have abandoned his touch for
Melding cloud and heavens in a panorama of light

The horizon seems to cling to the moment
Hesitating to bring forth the celestial orb
Yet lo! The blackened line retreats
Before the glory of the sun, that beautiful day star
And the world, filled with light, begins anew

Thunderstorm

2012-01-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

The best light and sound shows
Are free

Forked plasma arcs
Across the heads of purple clouds

Cumulonimbus screens
The high-voltage displays

Mushrooms lit up from within
Striated and variegated

Reaching into space
Simultaneously touching the ground

Then the thunder rolls
Like Thor's chariot

Like God's own bowling team
Like an avalanche of boulders

Some thunder is almost gentle
Far off and whispering

More felt and guessed at
Than heard

Some thunder is like pistol crack
Jolting, loud, and deafening

As I listen to the sound
And see the light through tightly-closed eyelids

My body tenses
As if charged by the lightning in the air

The strobe flashes
The thunder peals

I snuggle down deeper into my bed
And wait for it to pass

Terrified
But thrilled

Haystack

2012-01-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

The lighted match
Burns bright
Close to the fuel
Which would burn
Higher

The frigid north wind
Extinguishes
The match
Black and cold

The unnecessary
And unused match
Is discarded

Be it resolved...

2012-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

(note: one of my resolutions this year is to write a poem a week. They may be interspersed with other entries, short, long, rhyming, reasonable. Whatever. But they're for you. I hope you enjoy.)

Janus looked
Forward
And Backward

Seeing the future
And the past
While living in the present

Strange oracle!
This mythical being
Sees all

Mistakes made
Lessons learned
Clay shaped

The vessel knows not
The final shape
But trusts

The potter's hand
Forms gently
Inexorably

He knows
What He wants
And what the clay may be

Revolution - Part 2

2011-12-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

Or, what to do about it...

Sarah woke up one morning. There was something special about today. It seemed that the sun was just a bit brighter, the air a bit cleaner and sweeter, a few more birds in the air.

Shee knew it sounded cliche, and such things couldn't really be true anyway. Besides, she was not the sort who gave in to maudlin reveries, anyway.

Yet it was undeniable. Something was different.

Then she remembered.

The day before, Sarah had been contacted by the President's Special Task Force on Values. This program, staffed by folks who were disabled, (otherwise) unemployed, and receiving government assistance, had contacted her regarding her opinions about what was important to her. They had asked a series of very open-ended questions, ranging from what the proper role of government is to how she (Sarah!) would improve things. The conversation lasted hours; the person taking down her responses was genuinely interested in how she felt and it was a two-way conversation. The person on the other end of the conversation was educated and polite, and was able to keep things focused and interesting, while not discounting any particular aspect of Sarah's opinions. They ranged all over, taking tangents that provided jewels of insight, instilling and pulling out passion in Sarah she'd not known existed before.

Finally, someone in the government is listening, she thought.

The discussion was carefully recorded and transcribed automatically by voice recognition computer programs. Both sides of the conversation were transcribed and later she would get an email of the transcription (it took about an hour after the call). The transcription had been reviewed by the interviewer for mistakes and other corrections. Sarah had added a few of her own, as well as some parenthetic notes that helped clarify some of her responses.

Once this was finished, she emailed it back, making sure that she checked the box on the website that she would like to be involved more with further steps. Because this was her country, her world. She wanted to leave it better than when she arrived. She owed that to the future, to the children.

After a few weeks time, Sarah was contacted once again. This time, it was someone like her in her neighborhood who had participated in the interview as well. Javier invited Sarah to come to a meeting that would be held at the local school and offered a couple of different times - both during the day and after hours. Since Sarah worked, it was most convenient for her to attend in the evening, and she said she'd show up to a meeting in a couple of days' time.

She arrived full of apprehension. It had been a busy day at work, and she was tired. Plus, she'd been to similar meetings before, and found them to be a bit of a waste of time - a bunch of people talking about things she was mildly interested in, but only superficially asking for comment/replies, and not much was ever done. Maybe she'd get a copy of some paper or report a few weeks/months later, but that was about it.

This time, though, it was different. The facilitator had arranged the room in a semi-circle, with a projector screen at the front. Sarah and the dozen or so others who had arrived were given a very detailed analysis of responses. These responses were collated and organized by region, by response, and by particular interest. It became clear that there were some patterns that were developing - some things she was genuinely surprised about, some things she took as a matter of course. Most of the concerns people mentioned were either exactly in line with what she'd responded, or just a little bit off - a difference without much impact. Many of these differences were better than what she'd expected, and she was very pleased. Of course, there were some things that she didn't agree with at all, and she was surprised (again) to see how prevalent those things were. But those things were few in number, and she thought she could stretch her mind and heart a bit to try to understand another's point of view. After all, we agreed on so many other things...

After the presentation, the facilitator (her name was Ai) turned to the people in the room and asked for further comment. The discussion that followed was interesting - some people championed one cause or concern, while others promoted what they felt was most of value. In all, nearly all of the points mentioned in the preceding presentation were mentioned, and the points not mentioned were brought up by the facilitator and tied in to the main values that were being discussed. When it was all said and done - about two rather exhausted but inspiring hours later - their little group had put forward half a dozen main values. The facilitator dutifully noted these things and said she'd contact them later, if necessary, or gave each person her contact information in case there was something they'd wished to add.

The result of these meetings was dramatic. Each meeting produced very nearly the same results. The values of the country were clearly and concisely put forward. These values, as garnered by each meeting, each phone conversation, each email correspondence, formed the great, governing statement of our country. Subject to periodic revision, these values informed decisions about the condition of life in our country - from how we treat the environment, to how we educate our children, to how we pay for it all. Tax reform was based on the value of self-sufficiency and financial responsibility on a federal level. Health care reform was provided for with an eye towards making our bodies healthy, not towards making a profit. And overall life was improved in such a way that everyone benefited.

The most significant thing, though, was something that was completely unexpected. Because of the democratic nature of the process, everyone felt empowered by the values. They really did reflect the thoughts, ideals, and dreams of all of us. There was no bickering or disparaging, and everyone felt invested fully in seeing these values were adhered to. No one complained about taxation, because each saw the benefit of the taxes paid in a clear, cogent fashion. The country began to fulfill the dream the founders had of a place where all were created equal, and all were treated equal under the law.

Truly, thought Sarah, something is different. And it is better.

Revolution

2011-12-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

The first five letters of revolution, if reversed, spell lover.

The chapters I'm reading right now in Les Miserables deal with the idea of revolution. Revolution, he asserts, is necessary from time to time to clear out the excesses of previous epochs. There are some, he notes, who take action, and others who contemplate. Both are necessary, for contemplation can lead to more directed action, and action without contemplation is reactionary and aimless.

In the midst of all this, he gives us this gem:

All the problems that the socialists proposed to themselves,cosmogonic visions, revery and mysticism being cast aside, can be reduced totwo principal problems.

First problem: To produce wealth.

Second problem: To share it.

The first problem contains the question of work.

The second contains the question of salary.

In the first problem the employment of forces is inquestion.

In the second, the distribution of enjoyment.

From the proper employment of forces results public power.

From a good distribution of enjoyments results individualhappiness.

By a good distribution, not an equal but an equitabledistribution must be understood.

From these two things combined, the public power without,individual happiness within, results social prosperity.

Social prosperity means the man happy, the citizen free, thenation great.

Englandsolves the first of these two problems. She creates wealth admirably, shedivides it badly. This solution which is complete on one side only leads herfatally to two extremes: monstrous opulence, monstrous wretchedness. Allenjoyments for some, all privations for the rest, that is to say, for thepeople; privilege, exception, monopoly, feudalism, born from toil itself. Afalse and dangerous situation, which sates public power or private misery,which sets the roots of the State in the sufferings of the individual. A badlyconstituted grandeur in which are combined all the material elements and intowhich no moral element enters.

Communism and agrarian law think that they solve the secondproblem. They are mistaken. Their division kills production. Equal partitionabolishes emulation; and consequently labor. It is a partition made by thebutcher, which kills that which it divides. It is therefore impossible to pauseover these pretended solutions. Slaying wealth is not the same thing asdividing it.

The two problems require to be solved together, to be wellsolved. The two problems must be combined and made but one.

Solve only the first of the two problems; you will be Venice, you will be England. You will have, like Venice, an artificial power, or, like England, amaterial power; you will be the wicked rich man. You will die by an act ofviolence, as Venice died, or by bankruptcy, as England willfall. And the world will allow to die and fall all that is merely selfishness,all that does not represent for the human race either a virtue or an idea.

It is well understood here, that by the words Venice, England,we designate not the peoples, but social structures; the oligarchies superposedon nations, and not the nations themselves. The nations always have our respectand our sympathy. Venice, as a people, will liveagain; England, thearistocracy, will fall, but England,the nation, is immortal. That said, we continue.

Solve the two problems, encourage the wealthy, and protectthe poor, suppress misery, put an end to the unjust farming out of the feebleby the strong, put a bridle on the iniquitous jealousy of the man who is makinghis way against the man who has reached the goal, adjust, mathematically andfraternally, salary to labor, mingle gratuitous and compulsory education withthe growth of childhood, and make of science the base of manliness, developminds while keeping arms busy, be at one and the same time a powerful peopleand a family of happy men, render property democratic, not by abolishing it,but by making it universal, so that every citizen, without exception, may be aproprietor, an easier matter than is generally supposed; in two words, learn howto produce wealth and how to distribute it, and you will have at once moral andmaterial greatness; and you will be worthy to call yourself France.

This is what socialism said outside and above a few sectswhich have gone astray; that is what it sought in facts, that is what itsketched out in minds.

Efforts worthy of admiration! Sacred attempts!

Well said, Mr. Hugo.

Interestingly, he wrote these lines more than 150 years ago in a very different world. His was the world of Dickens and Shaw, of Marx and Engels, of the absolute monarchy of the monopoly. And he was right.- England's political power did diminish. But what we (as Americans) need to learn from this is the lesson that England never has: namely, how to nourish the poor without overburdening anyone.

What we need to do is determine what our values are - our real values - and figure out how to best achieve those values. What is it that we truly prize as a country? What are the things that define us as a citizenry?

Education?

National defense?

Health care?

Environment?

Justice?

Prosperity?

Fiscal responsibility (on a national scale)?

Free markets?

Property rights?

Once we determine what our values really are, we can set about prioritizing them. And once that is determined, it would become easy to assess how to use tax money. The tax money we garner would be used in an efficient manner, and would be easily understood and justifiable. Right now, I feel that there's a lot of frustration with the government because people either don't know where their tax dollars are being spent or they don't feel that their tax dollars are being used in a manner that reflects their value system. And that's a precarious position in which to find yourself - if you're a system of government. Because government ultimately must represent the needs, goals, aspirations, and values of the community at large. If it does not, a revolution such as Mr. Hugo writes about is usually in the offing.

It's easy to say things like "tax the rich" or "economic justice" or "financial parity". But what do these things really mean, when it comes to real-world application? Because we cannot be governed by bumper stickers or catch phrases, no matter how cute and concise. We need real change, real solutions to real problems. And it must start with an assessment of our values as a national community. Prioritized values that are properly attended to... That's the road to real, lasting peace and prosperity.

The next question is - how do we get started?

The Truth

2011-12-01T12:06:00.001-08:00

I opened my eyes
That cold winter's morning
Unable to tell
If it were day or night

It was dark and damp
Where I was hidden
In the foxhole I had dug
With my faithful comrade in arms

The night was still
When we began our watch
And as the cold settled in
I struggled to stay awake

Falling asleep on watch
Is a capital offense
I was on the front line
I could not desert my friends

But my friend could see
How dead tired I was
And sometime around midnight
He told me to take a nap

He would stand watch

At first I resisted
But then reluctantly agreed
That I wasn't doing anyone any good
Barely able to keep my eyes open

I'd been up for three days straight
And had been digging with my friend all day
I couldn't stay on my feet
The whole ground seemed to move

So I crawled down
Into the bottom of the hole
Pulled my jacket close
In a feeble effort to keep warm

The damp smell of the fresh earth filled my nostrils
Reminding me of different times
As sleep finally overtook me
And I slipped into oblivion

Yet somehow I awoke
In spite of my tired body
I stiffly rose to my feet
To allow my buddy some sleep

While I stood watch

But as I reached for his shoulder
His head rolled to one side
And revealed the glassy, unblinking eyes
Of my friend

Sometime in the night
While I slept
He'd been killed
By a sniper

Extremely alarmed
But aware of the danger
I quietly, but anxiously waited
For the turn of the watch

They would help me remove my friend
And get him a proper burial
So I waited into the dawn
For my relief

And as I stood there for hours
Reflecting on my fate
I began to know of something
I had before only guessed at

I prayed to my God
A God I barely knew
Asking Him to preserve my life
So that I could serve Him

I would find the Truth
I plead with the Almighty
I would dedicate myself
To that Truth

If only I could live
If only I survived
That horrible, hellish night
In a foxhole with my dead friend

God, please stand this watch with me

I survived that night
And many others besides
But I never forgot my oath
My promise to my God

And when the war was over
The Great War
To end all wars
I sought the Truth

I found it in the young faces
Of missionaries from Utah
And Idaho
Who taught me the Truth

Now I've gone on
To my eternal reward
And it's my turn
To stand watch.

Confession time...

2011-11-28T09:01:00.001-08:00

So, in spite of all my apparent refinements, at the end of the day I'm just another dude.

I like football. I know it's banal, but I'm a huge fan of college football.

I like hot dogs. Give me a foot long chili cheese dog from Sonic with a side of tots and I'm golden.

I also like a big juicy burger. The best - hands down - is Apollo Burger in Orem on State. Whenever I'm in Utah I get one... But Five Guys isn't bad (but expensive!) and Carl's has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. They just opened one in the area so I'm stoked about that...

I like classic rock. I don't know if this is a strictly "dude" thing or not, but I enjoy it. Journey, Queen, Led Zepplin, Ozzy, Pink Floyd, the Eagles... Even some Guns-n-Roses and Metallica. My favorite has got to be the Beatles, though.

I'm an ice cream junkie. Rocky Road is my favorite, but I'll eat just about anything. I'm not a huge fan of those super-sweet cake varieties, though...

I like to drive fast. Well, I like to accelerate quickly... I haven't ever had a car in which I could do this properly. Most sports cars that I am interested in are out of my price range, and probably wouldn't fit my body size anyway. I find that the Lotus Elise has the styling and acceleration that would be awesome, but it is just so small... It's apparently really difficult to enter/exit as well, making it impractical as a daily driver... The Chevy Camaro, on the other hand... Yeah... I'm dreaming. But it's a nice dream... :)

I like the Three Stooges. LOL! Just thinking about them makes me smile.

I like a huge TV. I can't logically justify one, but I'd like one. And super bass-ified surround sound.

I'd also like to have my own completely furnished shop. I would like to design and construct furniture. And I'd like to get into doing stained glass. And it would be nice to have a place to keep all my stuff... :)

So now you know... I guess I'm a dude.

But I can change.

I guess.

If I have to.

What I am really all about

2011-11-18T06:26:00.001-08:00

I know two very important things:

1. Not as many people read this blog as I would hope. I don't feel bad about that, just a reality. It's all good.

2. I don't know everything I would like to know. I'm OK with that, too. I am still learning and growing. I'll stop when I'm dead.

PS - I don't want to die. Well, maybe when I'm 150 or something.

But this time of year, when thoughts turn to gratitude and blessings and the like, it's natural for people to reflect on how they've been blessed. So in that vein - (and in no particular order) -

1. I am grateful for my body. It's gotten me around so far, and is holding up pretty well. I'm not going to win any beauty contests or be on any magazine covers, but I like who I am and I am grateful for a healthy body to house my soul.

2. I am grateful for family. I don't think I need to expound on that.

3. I am grateful for friends. Friends... Some close, some distant, all valued and valuable. I love you all, more than I could ever say.

4. I am grateful for my job. I really, really love what I do and it helps me keep food on my table and clothes on my children. It is truly a great place to work and I work with amazing people.

5. I am grateful for the community I live in. We are a small community, but we are close and good. I am grateful that my family and I have been taken in by this community and embraced like we have. It is such an incredible blessing.

6. I am grateful for the country I live in. I am proud to be an American, proud of the great nation we are, of the freedoms we enjoy, and of the opportunities we have to serve. America is great because the flame of freedom and liberty burns bright in the hearts and eyes of every citizen.

7. I am grateful that I can love. I have a great deal of love, and I am grateful that in spite of everything, I find reasons and people to love. Indeed, I love now, maybe, more than ever.

I think you get the idea. I learned long ago that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who are grateful and those who complain. I hope I am always grateful and humble.

november rain

2011-11-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

it seems a lifetime
or just a second ago
bridged water
or dams over-topped
stars shift in position
and return again
the moon shines
reflecting light in the night
sands blow in the desert
and tides ebb and flow
like the breath in my chest
like my heartbeat

the day dawns cold and clear
the sun shines bright
but the terrors of the night
still linger near
yet slowly the sepulcher fingers
release their grasp
and life flows into depressed scars
slowly and gently
yet inexorably
the wounds heal
in spite of remaining marks

the rains of november
water the fields
and bring the promise of new life
tomorrow

Why I support - Part II

2011-10-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

... in which we discover why I yelled at the top of my lungs last night...

I consider myself to be a pretty patient individual. Most things don't get to me, and even more things I usually just laugh at. But last night I'd had enough.

My son and I were having a conversation about various economic models. I really, really try hard to give my son both sides of any particular argument, hoping that he'll make up his own mind. I am very aware of my role as a father to influence his decisions and opinions. But we live in an environment where most of the voices he hears are only on one particular side. It makes it difficult to discuss things because it's just me against every other contrary view out there - some of which are (unfortunately) his teachers. See this previous post... I guess I have become used to it, however, because of my particular interest in and views on politics.

Still, sometimes things just get to me.

Last night it was frustration with capitalism. Look, I'm not naive enough to think I know everything about anything. But I know some things:

1. Capitalism is an economic theory/practice. It is not a system of government. Capitalism would prefer no government - or, at least, the government which least interferes with the market. Pure capitalists would like to see market conditions govern themselves. I'm not going to talk about how inherently dangerous this is. I think it's pretty self-evident. Plus, I think I've ranted on this before also... ;-)

2. Capitalism reduces everything and everyone to a commodity. Even the interactions we have as human beings are assigned a value, and if it is not valuable it is not worth continuing. How does one put a value on a child's laugh? On the wonder of a clear sky full of stars? On the wrinkled face of my sweet grandmother? Yet capitalism would put a price/value on each of these things and then decide if it is worth while to keep them alive...

3. Capitalism ostensibly promotes freedom, liberty, self-reliance, and individual hard work. This is supposedly done through the vehicle of market competition. Those who work hard, who come up with good ideas, and who have great talent, should be and will be rewarded. The reward comes in the form of success and continued relevance in the market. All of which appeals to western thinkers because we prize individualism and self-reliance. There are some of us, however, who prefer cooperation over competition, who view others as friends, brothers, and fellow travelers on this earth, and who think that we are no richer than the poorest among us.

4. Socialism is not the answer either, nor is communism. Marx and Engels, Mao and Stalin, and all the others - they were wrong. Their efforts failed because they removed too much of of personal freedom and identity, they eliminated religion and spirituality, and they denied parents the opportunity to raise their children. Forcing people into a certain lifestyle is terrible, whether it is done directly (in the name of communism/socialism) or indirectly (in the name of capitalism).

5. The thing that really, really frustrates me with all of this is that the uber-rich are sowing the seeds of their own demise. Capitalism (as I've said before) is based on the flow of capital, not the accumulation. Accumulating capital has a stagnating effect on a capitalist economy. In the last post I noted how the closing of the factory in Michigan I worked in had the effect of providing $20 million for the executives, but that those who might otherwise buy their products now cannot. Taking that a bit further, though - let's say that it's car parts. Giving someone $20 million does not make them want to buy more cars - certainly not the same amount of cars as the 10 generations of 30 year workers that might have been funded by that same $20 million. Once you have a car - even if you're Jay Leno - you pretty much just use that car. And the cars Jay Leno has will never wear out because he rarely drives any of them, and when he does it's probably a different one each time. So Leno's not buying new cars.

So in reality, the rich should be supporting the 99% effort...

In the book Les Miserables, Jean Valjean is able, through his philanthropy and industry, to bless an entire region. He earns a lot of money, but he also gives away most (if not all) of what he's earned - hospitals, schools, better working condition, alms... As a result, the entire region's economy is bolstered and strengthened. Workers flock to his high-wage paying factory, their children are educated, their sick are cared for... all in all, a good place to live and work. Conversely, when Valjean is imprisoned again the region falls back into relative obscurity - the factory closed, the hospital and schools unfunded, and unemployment and shoddy workmanship return... All because of the selfless effort of one worthy man; all because of the selfish efforts of petty men....

Just this morning I read about Whirlpool closing its Arkansas plant. 1000+ workers will be laid off. Quoting from the linked article:

In 2006, 4,600 people worked at the plant, which specializes in making side-by-side refrigerators. Whirlpool cited declining demand as it drastically cut its workforce in recent years, with nearly 1,000 working there today.

In a statement, Whirlpool called it a “difficult, but necessary” step because of the struggling economy.

The plant is to close in the middle of next year, with local leaders hoping to find another company that can make use of the facility.

So there you go. Ripped from the headlines...

The thing is - Whirlpool is doing OK. Their stock price is strong, and people still need refrigerators. So why close the plant? Why lay off the thousands of people (affecting many, many more people than these numbers represent - children, schools, tax base, ancillary, support, and auxiliary business which will undoubtedly be affected by this closure)? The article cites "the struggling economy," but does closing the factory make it better? Or does it exacerbate the problem?

I'm no economic genius. There are undoubtedly people who are way smarter than me. So then why am I able to see these things and others not? Are short-term profits really worth it? Rather than lay off workers in the name of continued corporate viability, why not reduce executive salaries? Why not cut out some of the perqs usually reserved for these guys?

I just don't get it.

Why I support the Occupy Movement

2011-10-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

If you've followed this blog at all, I think it's clear where I come down on socio-economic issues. As I contemplate our current situation, however, I think it's time for me to again consider what I believe and why. So please bear with me as I try and express my thoughts.

I will be turning 37 years old on Saturday. Maybe I'm old enough to have some solid ideas about my politics, my social understandings and leanings. But I find myself constantly revisiting what I've learned, measuring it against new experience and new data, and formulating anew what at one time had seemed so stable and so sure. While this is disconcerting at times, I find it beneficial - some real, positive insights have come to me, illuminating some previously darkened corridors of my mind. The Bill Cobabe of today is not the same Bill Cobabe as yesterday, and hopefully tomorrow will bring even greater understanding and enlightenment.

To put my thoughts in context, I think it's beneficial to speak about a friend of mine. He's a very good, close friend. I consider him a mentor and a guide as well as a friend. It is not a stretch to say that I feel genuine brotherly love and concern and respect and appreciation for him. He brought light to me at a time when I was searching, and for that I will be forever grateful.

He and I worked together on a factory floor of a fortune 500 company in western Michigan. We made parts for cars - sun visors (you know, the thing you flip down when the sun's in your eyes... hey - someone's got to make 'em!). As we worked together, and to relieve the utter monotony and boredom, we discussed things of a philosophical nature - religion, politics, ethics... It was all very heady stuff, and I dearly miss the conversations we had. I'm sure at times I exasperated this good man, but he was patient and kind and always, always respectful. We differed on a great many things, but due to my respect for him, my regard for his ideas, I came to find myself being gently reformed into a higher, deeper understanding and respect for the world in general. We still don't see eye to eye on several things, but we have reached an understanding of each other, and that's an amazing thing.

I quit that place in 1999. Not long after I quit he let me know that the plant was being closed. Keep in mind, many of the parts we built were patented - they could only be made by that plant. However, the company that originally founded the factory - it was originally know as Prince, after Ed Prince, the founder - sold it to the bigger company and the bigger company decided that it was too expensive to pay American workers to build their parts. Interestingly, Ed Prince never thought so. He made a LOT of money, reinvested heavily in the local community (he even paid to have the sidewalks downtown heated in the winter, which in Michigan is no small thing!), and kept his workers feeling like they were part of his extended family. When I started, I felt that very strongly.

But with bigger companies comes bigger issues an bigger concerns. It had been a privately owned company; now it was a publicly traded company with shareholders to appease and a stock price to maintain. So new strategies were put in place to ensure viability of the company. At least, that's what they said. What makes a company viable varies depending on how high up in the structure you are. At the executive level, folks are so far removed from what is going on on the factory floor that they almost literally cannot conceive of such a lifestyle. And vice versa.

So when it comes time to make a cut, those who make decisions are not those who consider cutting themselves or their pay. They look to lower areas - to the factory - and view the human costs of maintaining the factory as too high - too excessive. Indeed, American workers ARE expensive. But they have also consistently proven to put out the highest quality and most innovative products in the world. The problem is that we, as a country of consumers, have become so attached to the cheap that we forget about quality. We are willing to accept much lower quality if we can have it at a lower cost - so we can buy more low quality junk...

The factory was moved to Mexico. This is a direct result of NAFTA. NAFTA is a direct result of pressure put on politicians by business leaders to expand business opportunities in Mexico and Canada, where labor costs are cheaper and where new markets can be exploited. Yes, I know that sounds terribly Marxist - but he did get some things right, amid the many he got wrong... The result of NAFTA has been a diminution of the importance of American workers as their jobs go to Mexico.

My friend noted to me at the time that the move earned the CEO-types an increase of $20 million in the first year and each year following. He pointed out that at his salary, it would take the lifetimes of ten generations of him and his posterity to accumulate that amount of money - all earned in one year.

For an executive, the numbers represent profit margins, bonuses, and a lifestyle that 99% of us can never, ever know. For the rest of the 99%, it means financial ruin. It means no way to pay the house payment, no way to make the car payment, no health insurance (don't get me started on health insurance!), no food, no clothes... nothing. Nothing. These folks were specifically trained and carefully groomed over the course of many years to perform tasks that made them valuable at that factory, but those skills do not transfer easily to another place. Their retirement was also tied up in the company, which now no longer had any use for them. So what are they to do - 50 years old, too young to retire, too old to start anew? Decisions were being made about their lives without their consultation and without consideration of the long-lasting impact of these decisions.

Ironically, the main consumers of the products now being made outside the US used to be the American public, who had good jobs with which they could afford to buy these things. Henry Ford understood that - he sold cars to his own people... But we've forgotten that. They're now made in places where people can't afford what they make, sold in a country where people are underpaid. So in removing the means of producing a good living, the executive types have sown the seeds of their own destruction...

But in the short-term, profits are up, and everybody's happy. The profits of which we speak will ultimately translate to more jobs, more investment, more prosperity, right?

Not necessarily. The investment has almost halted, the jobs gone overseas, and prosperity does increase, but only for the top 1%. If the economy is growing - if we're out of the recession - why does the unemployment rate remain high? Someone's making money - but who?

The Great Depression happened not because there was a paucity of money, but because there was no confidence in the system, in the banks (which are there to protect money and provide investment capital), and in each other. In a self-perpetuating cycle, banks were not offering good interest rates, which discouraged saving. Lack of capital (garnered from folks' deposits in banks) leads banks to have to maintain low interest rates and makes banks leery of investing any of the capital they do have in risky propositions. Lack of investment (due to lack of capital) leads to business not wanting to expand, which slows job growth. Meanwhile, those with capital - the super rich - ride it out, consolidate their interests, and continue to garner profits at an unspeakable rate, while everyone else is in the doldrums...

Our economic engine is not powered by the accumulation of capital, but by the FLOW of capital. When the flow is stopped, hindered, or when confidence in the system is hampered in any way, everyone suffers. Even the super rich ought to pay attention - soon no one will be able to service their private planes and yachts, because no one will be able to afford the education necessary to service these highly expensive machines...

Look - I don't begrudge the rich their wealth. I am not advocating a Robin Hood approach to this. But we've seen what deregulation has done, and it has not been helpful. By not holding corporations accountable for their actions, we have tacitly supported their greed and avarice while the rest of us suffer. And it's time we ended that.

We have also severely eroded the ability of other nations to govern themselves. As we give free reign to corporations to trade around the world without regulation, we encourage investment in foreign markets. This investment comes at a price, however. As our interest in foreign markets increases, foreign political environments become a concern. And we find ourselves in the unenviable position of forcing foreign, sovereign powers to acquiesce to our demands, else face dire consequences. This is not new, but we apparently haven't learned from the lessons of the past...

What I would like to see is real reform. Meaningful. Lasting. And equitable.

I would like to see election reform such that lobbyists' contributions are limited to what an average person could afford. I would like to see a cap on the amount that any politician's campaign could accumulate/spend. I would like to see term limits and salary caps on Congress (say, the national median income).

I would like an end to the notion of "too big to fail." All business is a speculative, risky endeavor. Allowing the government to use tax dollars to support business is inherently wrong. It seems to go against the very core ideals of our society, even of capitalism!

There are other things I would like to see, including health care cost regulation, but I think that's enough for today...

Just an ordinary post

2011-10-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about the internet is the ability to access information. Some (most?) information on the internet is junk. But some of it is really fun, really informative, sometimes both, but usually frivolous.

So try this: without opening any new tabs or windows, follow your internet surfing. Then, after a while, go back and look at your history. It's kind of like retracing your steps, or trying to remember how a particular conversation thread got started. Sometimes I will even do this with my own thoughts: I'll find myself thinking about apples, which makes me think about apple pie, which reminds me of cinnamon, which makes me want to know more about how cinnamon bark is processed into spice, which makes me think about the Spice Islands, which makes me think about the Dutch East Indies, which makes me think of the Jan Compagnie (VOC), which makes me think of Table Mountain, which makes me think of apartheid, which reminds me of the Xhosa, which reminds me of Nelson Mandela, which makes me think of the Nobel Prize, which makes me think of Alfred Nobel, which reminds me of dynamite...

You know, like that. After thinking about dynamite for a bit, I'll try to retrace my mental steps to determine how I started thinking about dynamite in the first place... Sometimes I can do it, but usually I get distracted about half-way through, thinking of something else. For me, internet surfing is much the same...

I've been growing some coastal redwood seeds in my office. It's pretty cool to think that some of the tallest trees in the world are germinating on my windowsill... They're only about an inch tall, while fully mature trees can be thousands of years old and more than three hundred (!) feet tall. For reference, the Statue of Liberty is about 300' from the base of the plinth to the top of the torch. So pretty tall.... I ordered these seeds after doing some research on trees for our local tree ordinance for our City. I started thinking and wondering if I could get them to grow here - while it (usually) rains enough for them to grow here (I think!), I wonder about the temperature extremes - particularly the summer-time heat... For now they are safely growing indoors at my office, but I wonder how they'll do long-term and in our soils... Should be an interesting experiment.

I wonder if all minds are as scattered as mine. :)

2011-10-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are things worth fighting for. Worth living for. Worth dying for.

In the spirit of solidarity with those who are seeking justice in the world, with those who are looking for real, meaningful, and lasting changes to the way we as a society treat each other, and with all those who are oppressed and disenfranchised because of the global plutocracy in which we find ourselves, I offer the following:

ENJOLRAS

Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!

COMBEFERRE

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Beyond the barricade

Is there a world you long to see?

COURFEYRAC:

Then join in the fight

That will give you the right to be free!

ALL

Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!

FEUILLY

Will you give all you can give

So that our banner may advance

Some will fall and some will live

Will you stand up and take your chance?

The blood of the martyrs

Will water the meadows of France!

ALL

Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!

The nature of love

2011-10-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

So...

What is love?

What is love, really?

I mean, really... What is it?

I have recently come to understand that there are many kinds of love, two of which I'd like to explore a bit in this post.

The first looks at the loved person and notices the flaws. This person cannot tolerate the flaws thus seen, and out of a sense of love and duty and respect and a sincere desire to be helpful and loving offers gentle but insistent comments/critiques/criticisms. Regardless of the reason for the fault, and regardless of the pain inflicted on the loved person by this critique, this person loves others too much to allow such to continue. Trust and love is conditioned/extended based on the compliance and adaptation to the critique.

The second looks at the loved person and notices flaws. But the second person chooses to ignore many/most of the flaws. The person loves without reservation or concern for imperfections - indeed, loves because of the imperfections. It may be difficult at times, overlooking such faults, but patience and kindness reign and love is continually extended. Trust is the default position.

I really tried to write those two paragraphs as objectively as I could, but I guess it's obvious which I prefer, and which I hope I can extend.

I have been thinking a lot about this.

When I grew up, I felt from my father and mother and siblings the second type. I still feel it from them - that they love me unconditionally, unwavering, and in spite of my faults. It is an amazing feeling to feel so accepted, so loved and appreciated and respected. I want to do well so that I can continue in this respect and love, improving myself so that I can be worthy of this love. It is a very positive way of encouraging improvement.

Others I know have grown up in a very different environment. Their love was given/received only as it was earned. Excellence was expected and generally achieved, but because it was expected (nay, demanded!) the only attention or appreciation that was garnered was when something was done poorly. They learned that it is performance that earns others' respect and love. They also learned that negative actions have a deleterious and detrimental effect on their family and friends, and out of fear of loss of respect and even punishment.

I don't disparage others' viewpoint. I guess whatever works for others is what works.

But I wonder how those in what I will call the conditional type ever feel loved. I wonder how others feel loved by them. I wonder a lot of things, I guess.

I had a companion on my mission who was of the conditional type. We were having a companion study one morning when we were prompted by the Missionary Guide (the book we used before Preach My Gospel came out) to talk about an experience with a companion, friend, or family member whom we had loved/learned from in spite of their mistakes. I spoke about an elder who was my companion several months previous and who had trouble keeping the commandments, much less the mission rules. Yet, I loved him. We had great success together, teaching and baptizing. We did not see eye to eye on much, but we really cared for each other and I felt like the Lord blessed us because of that...

My (at the time) current companion had had this elder as a companion before as well. He said - I never loved him. He wasn't worthy of my love. He didn't keep the rules exactly, so how could I love him? You don't keep all the rules either, so I don't love you either. You're not worthy of my love.

I was shocked. I could have guessed that he didn't really care for me - that's fine. You're not required to love your companion (the very thought is ludicrous!) but to actually hear something like that was quite surprising. I didn't know ANYONE on the mission who kept the rules 100% of the time. I tried my best to keep the rules, and I feel like I was a good missionary. But no one is perfect.

So how can one love another if they are unworthy because of imperfection? How can they love themselves? Seems a very frustrating and lonely way to live...

And what right does one have to tell another that they will only love if genuine effort is being made to overcome imperfections?

I honestly don't know.

2011-09-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

He cries in the corner where nobody sees

He’s the kid with the story no one would believe

He prays every night “Dear God won’t you please...

Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me?

‘Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day

She’s the woman whose husband has run away

She’ll go to the gym after working today

Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed

And she says…

Who'll love me for me?

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me?

‘Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone

He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done

He utters a cry from the depths of his soul

“Oh Lord, forgive me. I wanna go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside

And it said “I know you’ve murdered

And I know you’ve lied

And I've watched you suffer all of your life

And now that you'll listen I'll, I'll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you

Not for what you have done or what you will become

I will love you for you

I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

Love you for you

Not for what you have done or what you will become

I will love you for you

I will give you the love, the love that you never knew

The Island

2011-09-29T06:57:00.000-07:00

The shipwrecked man
Stood on the beach
Watching the waves roll in

His ship was gone
He was alone
There was no one to guide him

He searched the island
From east to west, north to south
Looking for another person

But utterly alone
He soon realized
That this island would be his home

So he started to work
He formed a plan
To solve some basic needs

He gathered some food
And set it aside
Against an hour of want

The food was not the gourmet style
They eat in Tokyo or France
But it would get him through

The sun was hot
And the rains often soaked him
So he decided to make a shelter

He gathered long straight poles
Lashing them together
And formed a crude hut

Soon he noticed that ants would come
And crawl on him while he slept
So he devised a way to elevate his floor

Using only what the island could provide
He worked on this shelter
Slowly, patiently he worked

After several years
A ship appeared
And the sailors marveled at the man

How could he have survived so long
By himself
With no help?

The man was pleased he'd taken the steps
That would prolong his life
And he showed the sailors his hut

They laughed him to scorn
At the crude details
Which the man had toiled at so long

While admitting it was comfortable
And kept out rain and sun
It was no Louvre or Taj Mahal

But said the man
Rising to his own defense
I had no tools with which to work

So I just did the best I could

Sacred Things

2011-09-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I sat in the temple this morning, thinking about the way things work out...

My mind went back to all of the events that have transpired for me to be sitting in that chair this morning, having the awesome experience that I was...

...hundreds of millions of years ago, plants and animals died. Their fossilized remains provided the electricity for the building I was in, as well as the gas for the car I drove to get to the temple.

...much more recently, the gentleman for whom I was doing the work passed on without having a chance to obtain the necessary ordinances. He and I are now eternally and intrinsically linked. Kind of cool.

...in 2000, the Houston Temple was dedicated, the culmination of many prayers, tithing dollars, hours of labor/service, design and construction, and a dedication ceremony. All so that I could be there this morning.

...even more recently, someone in Louisiana came across this guy's information and submitted it to the temple for work to be done. Now she, he, and I are all linked. The card was printed in July.

...in August, someone was baptized in this person's stead, and subsequently someone was confirmed a member of the Church for and in behalf of this person. Those proxies and I are now linked as well.

...sometime earlier this month, someone received the initiatory ordinances. That links someone else into this, in addition to those who helped with the ordinances.

So there I sat, thinking about how blessed I was/am, and considering how wonderful it all is. I am overcome with a sense of gratitude for those who have gone before, both in the long distant past, as well as in the more recent past. Above all, I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who orders ALL things, from dinosaurs to laser printers, for my ultimate benefit, learning, and progression.

I thought about the scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants which states that we - without our ancestors - cannot be saved, neither can they - without us - be saved. I'd always kind of thought that that meant we had to get to work in order for us to act as saviors on Mount Zion. But this morning I realized that they have done much for us, laying a foundation that we can build upon. Their sacrifices, their hopes and dreams, their efforts have all gone in to making this world what it is for me, all of which culminates at the temple. So I cannot be saved without them - while salvation is an individual matter, there is no individual salvation. We are all saved together!

The Beginning of Understanding

2011-09-19T07:13:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot. I know - big surprise.

But I think I'm starting to understand something.

God is good.

No brainer, right?

Well, hang with me a moment:

There is a quandary that some philosophical types like to engage in regarding the nature of God. they start out with the following premise:

1. God exists.
2. God is all-powerful.
3. God is good.

Seems OK so far, right?

Well, the problem comes in the following:

1. Evil exists.
2. God is opposed to evil.
3. Yet evil persists.
4. Therefore, either God is not all-powerful, or God is not good.
5. Therefore, there is no God (God is not God).

This line of thinking is fairly ancient. Epicurus was perhaps the first to widely articulate/promulgate the paradox which currently bears his name. It's disappointing that something so inane and simplistic could come from an otherwise fairly good mind... I think that many people have had similar problems with evil.

So I would (humbly) suggest the following:

There is no evil.

Yep, I said it. But I want to clarify.

The only real evil is failure to progress. All real evil is rooted in repression - of freedom, of individuals, of enlightenment (which is real freedom).

How can I make such an assertion, when so many terrible things are perpetrated on a regular basis, things which are clearly not desirable, detrimental, or destructive? And what about those seemingly random, natural things that happen that are so harmful?

Well, what about them?

This is the realm of faith. Faith is belief or confidence in things that are not seen. Faith can be only correctly placed in true or correct principles. Faith is NOT knowledge - it is a willful and conscientious suspension of knowledge in an effort to gain further understanding and peace.

People - even in secular realms - exercise faith all the time. Reading a textbook, listening to a lecture, or engaging someone in conversation is all an exercise of faith. If one did not have faith in the veracity of the claims being made in the textbook, in the credentials of the professor/instructor, or in the integrity of the person with whom one is conversing, one could have no confidence and logically would not engage their faculties in said exercises. Yet these things happen all the time. Faith is required for all action, all learning, all exploration. If one did not first believe one could DO SOMETHING, one would never endeavor.

What does this have to do with evil?

Faith in God is rooted in two of the guiding principles by which the universe are bound - namely, justice and mercy. God is just. God is merciful. How can these two disparate qualities exist in the same being?

When I make a mistake - when I sin - I have offended justice. According to the demands of justice, I must immediately be destroyed because of my action. Yet I am not. This demonstrates the mercy of God. God has granted to people - to all of us - a time to learn before experiencing the full weight of offended justice. This delayed justice comes at a price - a price which has been paid. In full.

By the Savior.

The atonement is that which grants this space - a time for me to make my mistakes and learn from them, making myself better and stronger for having experienced what I have. Thus, even my mistakes can be turned to my benefit.

Thus, there is no evil, except that which I allow to persist in my life, in my soul.

There are terrible things that happen - things which no one would want. Families are torn apart. Natural disasters happen. Wars, pestilence, disease, famine - all very real and all very destructive. Yet all things combine to give individual and collective experience. The worst thing that can happen to someone, then, is NOT physical death - which is guaranteed for everyone anyway. The worst thing that can happen is a failure to learn from one's own mistakes. For me, that is the only real evil.

The adversary achieves this evil through several means, ranging from lying to us that our sins will not be known to lying to us that our sins are so great that there is no amount of repentance that would be sufficient to compensate. I can think of only one sin that is so grievous - that is murder. Everything (!) else falls under the dominion of the Lord of our souls. Christ has paid the price for my sins.

The only real evil I can do is to NOT lay claim on that gift, the gift which cost the blood of the Master Himself.

You and Your Heart

2011-09-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

Watch you when you say what you are
And when you blame everyone, you broke again
Watch you change the frame or watch you when you
Take your aim at the sum of everything

But you and your heart
Shouldn't feel so far apart
You can choose what you take
Why you gotta break and make it feel so hard

You lay there in the street
Like broken glass reflecting pieces of the sun
But you're not the flame
You cut the people passing by
Because you know what you don't like
It's just so easy, it's just so easy

But you and your heart
Shouldn't feel so far apart
You can choose what you take
Why you gotta break and make it feel so hard

Oh and you and your heart
Shouldn't feel so far apart
You can choose what you take
Why you gotta break and make it feel so hard

You draw so many lines in the sand
Lost the fingernails on your hands
How you're gonna scratch any backs?
Better hope that the tide will take our lines away
Take all our lines and

Hope that the tide will take our lines and
Hope that the tide will take our lines away
Take all our lines away

What is love?

2011-09-12T07:44:00.001-07:00

To have continually at one's side a woman, a daughter, a sister, a charming being, who is there because you need her and because she cannot do without you; to know that we are indispensable to a person who is necessary to us; to be able to incessantly measure one's affection by the amount of her presence which she bestows on us, and to say to ourselves, "Since she consecrates the whole of her time to me, it is because I possess the whole of her heart"; to behold her thought in lieu of her face; to be able to verify the fidelity of one being amid the eclipse of the world; to regard the rustle of a gown as the sound of wings; to hear her come and go, retire, speak, return, sing, and to think that one is the centre of these steps, of this speech; to manifest at each instant one's personal attraction; to feel one's self all the more powerful because of one's infirmity; to become in one's obscurity, and through one's obscurity, the star around which this angel gravitates,--few felicities equal this. The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one is loved; loved for one's own sake--let us say rather, loved in spite of one's self; this conviction the blind man possesses. To be served in distress is to be caressed. Does he lack anything? No. One does not lose the sight when one has love. And what love! A love wholly constituted of virtue! There is no blindness where there is certainty. Soul seeks soul, gropingly, and finds it. And this soul, found and tested, is a woman. A hand sustains you; it is hers: a mouth lightly touches your brow; it is her mouth: you hear a breath very near you; it is hers. To have everything of her, from her worship to her pity, never to be left, to have that sweet weakness aiding you, to lean upon that immovable reed, to touch Providence with one's hands, and to be able to take it in one's arms,--God made tangible,--what bliss! The heart, that obscure, celestial flower, undergoes a mysterious blossoming. One would not exchange that shadow for all brightness! The angel soul is there, uninterruptedly there; if she departs, it is but to return again; she vanishes like a dream, and reappears like reality. One feels warmth approaching, and behold! she is there. One overflows with serenity, with gayety, with ecstasy; one is a radiance amid the night. And there are a thousand little cares. Nothings, which are enormous in that void. The most ineffable accents of the feminine voice employed to lull you, and supplying the vanished universe to you. One is caressed with the soul. One sees nothing, but one feels that one is adored. It is a paradise of shadows.Victor Hugo - Les Miserables

Namaste

2011-09-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

My brother's boss came into my house. Literally walked right into my house that morning, just like he owned the place. It was fairly early for such an intrusion, and not at all the usual. It was abrupt and abrasive, but he had his reason...

Turn on the TV!

What?!?

He didn't even slow down on his way to the TV, barely glancing in my direction. Just who's house was this, I paused to reflect, as I saw him turn on the tube.

I followed him down to the TV, down the five green-carpeted steps that led to our half basement. With the still-early light filtering in from the north-facing windows, set right at ground level and reflecting some of the green light back into our home, I stood riveted to what I was seeing.

The iconic twin towers were on fire.

The announcer was saying that someone had flown a plane into the building, still unsure if there was some mistake or some kind of wanton act of destruction. I was stunned.

Stunned.

It's the only word for it. Jeff (my brother's boss) stood next to me transfixed as we watched the smoke billowing, thick and black, from the building.

My first thought: that's pretty cool. Maybe it seems weird, but somehow the fact that a plane flew into a building, and the building withstood the assault, was intriguing to me. But hard on the heels of that thought was the idea...

Dear, merciful God in Heaven. There are people in that building.

As we watched, the camera jerked to tower two just in time to see an enormous fireball erupt from the side of the building, slowly and graciously making it's way into the crystal clear New York sky.

The world was never going to be the same.

I headed to class, driving to the University of Utah where I was enrolled, listening to the radio. I wanted to keep driving - to go to New York and do SOMETHING. I knew that was silly, but it was what I wanted to do. When I was about half way to school I heard that the buildings were coming down... That they both came down... There was no way to know at that point that many had escaped, that the death toll was not as high as we all feared it would be. We felt the loss of every single person, killed because they had shown up for work.

No one went to class.

Walking around campus, someone had set up radio listening stations, with the various news outlets broadcasting coverage of the events. I learned that the Pentagon had been attacked. That there was a plane missing somewhere over Pennsylvania. That all air traffic in the United States had been cancelled - and would stay cancelled for a while. Planes inbound from foreign countries were forced to land in neighboring countries, the passengers held up at various airports or trying to make their way home...

I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut.

I have never felt so utterly helpless, before or since. I am unprepared for this kind of violence, this kind of thinking - that it's OK to destroy one's self and untold countless others in the name of... what?... I still don't know.

In the decade that followed, much has changed. We are not who we were, both in positive ways as well as negative ways. We've been at war for much of that decade. We've seen Olympic games held. We've had amazing technological advances - things we almost surely never even considered ten years ago. We've seen dictators overthrown, some peacefully, many not. The economy has grown, then faltered, then, well, who knows?

My brother, the one who was living with me at that time, was sent to fight in Iraq - an outgrowth of the war on terror that began on September 11, 2001. He saw much and did much, defending US foreign policy. Others I know have been similarly affected. Still others had their loved ones offer the ultimate sacrifice.

Through it all, we persist. We breathe in and out every day, trying to do our best to overcome the world and it's effects. My daughter was born in 2002, a living testament to the resiliency and strength that exists in our country. She is a beautiful reminder of everything that is good and right and sacred - things that are the best aspects of our country, things worth fighting for, things worth dying for. And things worth living for.

In the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln:

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Trinity Bay

2011-08-29T06:26:00.001-07:00

Good times with the fam...

Family Rules...

2011-08-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

Our family has three rules. They are as follows:

1. Obey.

2. Respect.

3. Have fun.

That's it.

Now rule number one is of course the catch all. It is not meant to be restrictive, but as a vital part of any parent-child relationship. Taken together with the other two rules, you see that my wife and I do not rule as tyrants, but as parents who only want what is best for their children, who want them to be happy and safe and strong. We do not rule our house, but our house is a house of order. Obedience is tantamount to that order, so even if you do not respect or understand the subsequent direction, you will obey.

This obedience is almost always supported by an explanation. Because rules one and two are intrinsically linked, if a child does not understand a particular mandate, that child is free to ask for clarification and guidance. Thus, the reason: I'm your parent and that's all! does not get used in our house. Compliance is not compulsory, but strongly encouraged through a predetermined and agreed upon set of restrictions, including loss of privilege and (occasionally) pecuniary loss (no allowance for that week).

The second rule is respect. This is becoming increasingly difficult as our children get older. Before, it seemed to extend largely to sharing toys and playing together nicely. They still do play together like best friends, and that makes me so happy. But as they get older and start to feel independent, their questioning of things leads to a lack of proper decorum and respect. We often ask our children - if you treated your friends the way you treat your parents, would you have any friends? They honestly and humbly answer no...

Rule number two has two corollaries - that is, respect means to love and appreciate. That's it. This is a very powerful concept, because if the whole world subscribed to this attitude, there would be an immediate and drastic change for the better. I want it to start with my house, with my family.

And the best loved rule number three - have fun. Having fun is only possible if the first two rules are followed. In my book, if it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing. We have a lot of fun together as a family, playing games, singing songs, drawing, watching movies, going places... I think we're a fun family... We may not be able to afford lots of vacations in sexy places, but we do things together that provide richness and meaning. And even if it's just a quiet evening at home, with everybody engrossed in their favorite book, just being together helps the feeling of family pervade.

So far, these simple things have seemed to work fairly well for us.

For the beauty of the earth...

2011-08-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

I am not a quantum physicist.

Thus it is that with proper deference and respect to those who ARE, those who attempt understanding of things that they cannot see and can barely measure, I attempt to share some thoughts...

In the early part of the last century, people made some interesting and profound leaps in understanding about the nature of our universe. These observations were made not only on the celestial level, but on the level of things that were so small that a word for them had not been invented yet. It was discovered that very small particles of matter, atoms - made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons, behaved in certain predictable yet astonishing ways. It was found that there was a connection between the atom and energy released from the atom, such that when a precise amount of energy was directed at an atom, predictable results would occur. There were all kinds of mathematical equations devised to show this correlation. But the most profound, simple, and beautiful of which is the famous E=mc^2. This equation, in one, simple formula, presents the grand conjunction between energy, matter, and time.

Wait - did I say TIME?

Yep.

See, all things exist in time. All actions/reactions are time dependent. So even though the speed of light is typically ignored in this equation, it is absolutely vital. Remember from your physics classes that speed is simply equal to distance/time (as in meters per second or miles per hour). The speed of light is such an enormous number that the human brain cannot really comprehend it (at least, mine cannot). For us, existentially speaking, it is all instantaneous. The vast distances involved in such a number just boggle the mind. Yet it is something that is quantifiable and manipulable, and so useful in these equations.

So I want to turn the equation around and solve for time. Assuming Einstein was right (go ahead and argue with him if you will, he's dead...) ;-) let us look at the equation:

E=mc^2

Where E is energy, m is mass, and c is the speed of light. Solving for c, we must first move the m to the other side resulting in:

E/m=c^2

Then we must take the square root of both sides:

(E/m)^1/2=c

We can then expand out c into its constituent components:

(E/m)^1/2=186,000 miles/second (enter the time variable)

Solving for the time variable (second) gives us:

Second=186,000 miles/(E/m)^1/2

This is astonishing. There is a direct correlation (mathematically proven here) between time, distance (space), energy, and mass. This is why what Einstein put forward was so revolutionary. It binds everything together.

Experiment on this theory is (obviously) difficult due to the types of energy required and the gauges needed to measure the results. Yet theorizing the results of such experiment are not. Adding additional energy to matter produces a reaction - heating up water causes it to boil, striking a match causes a flame, etc. All of these things are time dependent - there is a space between what is initiated and the resulting state. As the variables are manipulated, the whole is affected - time is increased where energy is decreased, for example.

Yeah - this is way out of my league. It starts to make my brain hurt.

But the take away from this morning's contemplation is that these things have an order. There is nothing random or circumstantial about it. I do not understand it fully, but I think it is beautiful in its elegance.

It's like looking into the face of God.

What the geniuses of the world are not capable of explaining is why. Why is the connection so clear? This is clearly not random - either the way it is or the fact that we can understand it. I guess some will throw up their hands and say that's just the way it is! Certain stimulus/input/parameters will always produce the expected results.

But the "why" is beyond all of this. It reaches into the realm of the unexplained. For me, this is the realm of the Divine Infinite, who comprehends such things and has ordered them for our benefit. While this cannot be quantified, it is nevertheless just as real to me as any other observational truth I've known. Perhaps more so, for while my eyes and senses can be tricked by crafty and cunning devices, my understanding of and experience with the Infinite are not/cannot be so manipulated.

The Astros WIN!!!

2011-08-22T10:03:00.001-07:00

Fireworks from the game Friday night!

He Cried...

2011-08-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

I need you
Simple words
But words which had never been heard
By the soul
Stoned to death
But still living
And so he froze where he stood
And he looked to the ground
And he cried
He cried

Ride our minds
If you must
But there's always a line you don't cross
Time is short
Don't be cruel
Oh you don't know the power
In what you're saying
Oh ...
And so he froze where he stood
And he looked to the ground
And he cried
He cried

People where
I come from
They survive without feelings or blood
I never could
Was stoned to death
But I'm still living
So he froze where he stood
And he looked to the ground
And he cried
He cried

So he froze
And he looked, and he looked
To the ground
And he cried
He cried

From the archive (III)...

2011-08-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

From S H (I'm not sure who this guy is or why he commented on my Facebook...)

July 21, 2010 at 7:15 pm

?

YEAH! What part of ILLEGAL do you not understand?!?

While we're at it, let's have death penalty for parking violations... Mandatory life sentences for not mowing your lawn (after all, they're ruining my property value, and my home is my biggest investment...) (this part was my sarcastic comment - maybe a status update or comment on someone else's snarky remark)

You think this is about minor violations of law? I want you to go volunteer at a Houston area rescue mission while your there in Texas and meet the people who live there. Talk to them, learn about why they are there. See them every day.
What Mexico has done is not jaywalking. Go to it now :) Youll be richer for it.

Bill Cobabe

July 22, 2010 at 8:47 am

You presume much, S. Your ignorance is as embarrassing as it is pitiable. You don't know me, what I do, how I spend my time any more than you know the circumstances surrounding these people coming to our country. Illegal immigrants come from many places to Houston, not just Mexico. Your comment smacks of racism and arrogance that is beyond the pale.

Please save your hate and vitriol for those with whom you have a relationship (if any). You'll find no quarter here.

From the archive (II)...

2011-08-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

Bill Cobabe to E V (another friend on Facebook)

December 8, 2008 at 5:38 pm

response to message

the message I got sent was:

It is very offensive and disturbing that someone would promote the methods of communism, even in jest. Please consider how much you're promoting Satan's plan.

(I am not telling you who sent it)

my response was:

Are they the methods of communism? Or are they the methods of the underimpowered? Why does it have to be communist to want people to be empowered? I thought that was the point of democracy - to ensure the rights of the greatest number of people... People being united and having power doesn't frighten me; it invigorates me.

I meant no offense. I apologize if offense was given.

Satan's plan is simply this: to frustrate the work of God. I can find in the scriptures various references to plans. They seem to fall into three main categories:

1. The plan of salvation. Or alternatively, the plan of happiness. No where in the scriptures can I find where this is tied to capitalism or loss of liberty. Quite the contrary, I usually find it in connection with ideas of unity, purity, and in having all things in common. Please keep in mind that common, commune, and community all share the same root word. This is also marked by a lack of racial or social divides.

2. The plan of the evil one. As stated above, his plan is to oppose the things and plans of God. Descriptive words I find in the scriptures include cunning and secret, perversion, destruction, deception, etc. Satan's plans are very subtle and he has many, many tactics that he uses to ensnare the hearts and souls of men. Greed, pride, arrogance, ignorance, are all tools he uses to his nefarious purposes. As Paul says in Ephesians, we are not wrestling against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

3. Secret combinations and plans made by men. These plans typically come from Satan himself who uses these organizations to gain greater control over the hearts of men. These secret combinations are built up to get power and gain. Frankly, I don't know of any of these combinations currently - but that's the definition of SECRET combinations... But I have concerns about some of the things that I see going on in the world that are built up specifically to get power and gain. Something interesting I noted was 3 Nephi 7:6 which states that "And the regulations of the government were destroyed, because of the secret combination of the friends and kindreds of those who murdered the prophets." Sound familiar?

When I say power to the people, I mean that in the most liberating sense possible - that people need power to be able to govern their own lives and destinies, power that for too long has been denied them. I also believe that this power comes from God in the form of agency and accountability. But there is little accountability going on right now...

And when I reference workers, I am referring to the people of the world who actually do the work and are yet oppressed by the system in which they find themselves. The golden rule Christ gave us has changed from "do unto others..." to "those who have the gold make the rules." Who speaks for the rights of the oppressed? Are workers expendable or are they our brothers? Do they have souls or are they just cogs in the machine? What is the purpose of life anyway? How much is enough?

One last thought. We have only seen a very few fully-functioning Zion societies on this earth. They share characteristics: purity, obedience, love, unity, and having no rich or poor (or having all things in common). It's the true ideal we should be looking toward - not something that promotes continued class divisions along any lines - including economic.

I will change my thought if it is offensive. I certainly meant no disrespect.
(End of copied message)

There are a couple of references there to the Book of Mormon, which may be obscure or unclear to you. But I think the gist of the message is clear.

In Mormon or LDS tradition, there have been a couple of times in history that societies have been able to live a higher existence. One was the City of Enoch, where Enoch was able to get people to such a high level that God took them up to live with Him (whether that is literally or metaphorically is somewhat unclear, but the idea is that they were too pure to be left on the earth). Another was following Christ's visit to the American continent following His resurrection and ascention. The beginning verses of Fourth Nephi in the Book of Mormon describe this society - which I admit may sound a lot like a communal society. But it is also the ideal that I believe we are all striving for. Without any goal or measure of potential how can we ever hope or achieve?

The guy I have offended above is one who is very conservative and libertarian. He also believes that communism is Satan's plan. I leave it to your judgement to make that particular call. Personally, I think oppression and repression, ignorance and arrogance are tools that Satan uses and are the great failures of capitalism.

From the archive...

2011-08-19T07:37:00.001-07:00

Bill Cobabe to K S (a friend on Facebook)

October 17, 2008 at 9:43 am

what is capitalism?

I want to get a few things on the table first - just so we understand each other...

First, I am not a communist, socialist, or anything else like that. I am a human being, and some of the excesses that I see revolt me. I am not speaking just of the love and pursuit of capital, but the use of credit to buy everything from tattoos to groceries. We live in a culture that demands instant, immediate, and eternal gratification of every one of our whims, whether they meet our actual needs or not. This is the case for almost every aspect of our world, from the way we eat and it's impact on our heath (and the costs associated with that) to the way we buy items (we have become a throw-away, consumption-based society). This has long lasting, far reaching impacts on our entire world. We see it in the "westernization" of cultures, the subjugation of languages and peoples, and the creation of an order that ostensibly has "free" trade in mind but really undermines the ability of various governments and societies to exercise authority and self-determination. That is abominable.

Secondly, the definition of captialism. In the broadest terms, capitalism is that economic theory and practice where the modes of production are held in the hands of private individuals. This is in contrast with communism, where the modes of production are held in the hands of those who are doing the production (the proletariat). Capitalism is interested in the way that markets function, because that's where advances are made. My business will only do as well as the market demands, and if my market dries up, so does my business. This encourages competition, fostering efficiency and lower prices, which leads to a strenghtening in a broader economy because people have more discretionary income and their buying power is greater.

I know this is very elementary, but I feel it's important to the discussion to establish what they are first so that we have a common frame of reference. If you disagree with these ideas, please let me know.

The root problem of capitalism is the degradation of the human condition. We saw this best in the industrial revolution. It is no coincidence that the seeds of communism were sown in the industrial revolution as a counter to the terrible conditions that existed then - children working 12 hour days, no education (why educate people if they're just going to be working in factories all their lives?), awful working conditions for everyone, massive pollution of the environment, and miserable living conditions. This is the world of Dickens and Marx, and the legacy of this could be seen in Sinclair and Shaw in our own century. They were wrong, but the problems they noted that are extant in capitalism are still pervasive. Communism is not the answer. Socialism is not the answer. And capitalism, unrestrained and unfettered, is also not the answer. What is the answer? I am not sure. I don't have any grand solutions yet.

We have made some advances. Education is become more and more available to people who had no access to it. The environment is something we are all aware of, if not trying to improve. And working conditions, at least in some degree and in some places, is getting better. But there are still the maquiadores and sweatshops in Mexico and China, still a dependence on foriegn markets for production and consuption, and all of it hinges on an outmoded and faltering transportation system. As new markets open new cultures are being devastated by western ideals. The human condition is getting better, but the cost is the richness and interest. And now when Wall Street hiccups, the world gets a cold. People around the world who have become dependent on the western consumption model will find themselves unable to adapt to periodic downturns and recessions in markets they can't even understand....

Free market capitalism historically has led to excesses. It's been compared to global gangsterism. "You will be free - your markets will be open - or you will die" seems to be the motto of these extreme capitalists. Why wouldn't people want to step into our lifestyle? Look how good we live! Look at our art, culture, and rich life! And it can all be yours if you open your market and buy, baby, buy! And if you don't have the money, you can buy on credit! We have the IMF and the World Bank to help you with all your needs... Just open your markets! Jobs for everyone! A car in every garage! And an apartment for you! Think of the tax revenue for your coffers - education, health care, truth, justice, and the American way!!!

Ah, but not everyone is American. The American way works for Americans, but not for everyone. And the lack of self-governance and determination, which evaporates when you sign on to some of these organizations, is really very troubling. It's not free market capitalism anymore. Now it's just wrong... And it's what we have now.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I think that's enough for now.

Now for something completely different...

2011-08-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

So....

S&P and Moody's lowered the US valuation. Or bond rating. Or everyone's personal spiritual meaning in the world. Or something like that.

My question is - who cares?

Apparently a lot of people. Stock markets around the world are down; our own stock market is not doing so well. Bond sales (interestingly) are up, in spite of the downgrade, which is probably due to the notion that in order to keep people buying said bonds the US will have to increase its yield (they'll pay out more in interest). Which means we'll end up paying more for everything. Which also means that small businesses may continue to have a difficult time obtaining loans for purchases from computers to delivery vans to office space. Which will further exacerbate the financial shakiness of this quasi-recovery.

What to do?

Gold is up - over $1700/ounce. I was thinking about my wedding ring - the one my wife got me when we were married. It's not pure gold, obviously, something like 14 k. But let's just assume that there's an ounce of gold in it. The $400 she paid 15 years ago would seem a good investment.

There's a problem with gold as an investment, though. It's a dead end. You buy gold (or more usually gold certificates - bullion is notoriously difficult to hold on to: see the Italian Job. Of course, you could get some of those super souped-up Minis...) but that's where your investment ends. Sure, there are active gold mines, and people are searching for the soft yellow metal all over the world. But gold doesn't create subsidiaries, doesn't feed anyone, and doesn't put money back into the economy. It's just gold. You buy it and it sits on a shelf. I think that this may be contributing to the continuance of the recession, the way that people holing up money under their mattress does.

You see, when you borrow - or lend, if you're lucky and have the means - you're enabling someone to use money to go out and get something done. This is particularly valuable in terms of research and development, where new things are being invented to satisfy needs. But if you hold on to your money, hoping to weather the storm, then trouble ensues because that money is no longer available to be put to use... If enough people pull out their money from the system, the conditions exacerbate themselves to the point where no investment really looks good. Enter the Great Depression. Or great recession. Or whatever.

The problem with the economy is not a lack of funding, but a lack of confidence in the system.

S&P and Moody's downgrade reflects the inherent instability and lack of confidence in our system.

The value of the bonds did not change overnight because there is some intrinsic value loss - it's not like milk where the expiration date has been reached and it is no longer of significant value. It changed because people made up their own minds that it did. At a very real but psychological level, the economy is just a head game. A company's stock is only as valuable as people will pay for it. The same is true with bonds, with bond ratings, etc. It's all just so much psychology.

Personally, if I had the means, now would seem a prime time to invest. Because people are going to shake off the slight head cold they have now and get after it. I might wait a week or two, but then I'd jump in. Into the deep end.

This one is one that I needed...

2011-08-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you read something that is just so awesome it feels like it was written expressly for you. This is one of those:

Be of Good Cheer: Choosing Happiness

BY CAMILLE FRONK OLSON
Associate Professor of Ancient Scripture, Brigham Young University
Adapted from a Brigham Young University Women’s Conference address given April 30, 2004. For the full text, visit speeches.byu.edu.

Challenges have always been part of mortality and God’s plan for our growth. Through the power of the Atonement, we can still “be of good cheer.”

To the paralytic man lying helpless on a bed, Jesus proclaimed, “Be of good cheer” (Matthew 9:2). To the frightened Apostles battling the tempestuous sea, Jesus appeared on the water, declaring, “Be of good cheer” (Matthew 14:27). As Joseph Smith met with 10 elders about to be sent out on missions fraught with trouble and danger, the Lord announced, “Be of good cheer” (D&C 61:36). In each instance the people had every reason to be anxious, fearful, and hopeless, yet the Lord directed them toward a reason to rejoice.

How does the Lord’s admonition of cheer sound in our world today? When economic uncertainties, terrorist threats, and corruption provide top stories for the evening news, how can the good news of the gospel intervene? When we experience personal loss in so many ways and on so many days, what is left to be cheerful about?

The Key to Cheerfulness

We find the key to understanding this seeming contradiction in the context of the Last Supper. Speaking to the Apostles in His final moments before Gethsemane, Jesus said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained: “The unimaginable agony of Gethsemane was about to descend upon Jesus; Judas’ betrayal was imminent. Then would come Jesus’ arrest and arraignment; the scattering of the Twelve like sheep; the awful scourging of the Savior; the unjust trial; the mob’s shrill cry for Barabbas instead of Jesus; and then the awful crucifixion on Calvary. What was there to be cheerful about? Just what Jesus said: He had overcome the world! The atonement was about to be a reality. The resurrection of all mankind was assured. Death was to be done away with—Satan had failed to stop the atonement.”1

Christ’s enabling power helps us feel happiness and cheer amid mortal gloom and doom. Misfortune and hardship lose their tragedy when viewed through the lens of the Atonement. The process could be explained this way: The more we know the Savior, the longer our view becomes. The more we see His truths, the more we feel His joy.

Consider two false assumptions that, if pursued, will block our appreciation of and access to the Lord’s divine assistance.

False Assumption 1: We Can Avoid Tribulation

First is the false assumption that, if we are good enough, we can avoid having bad things happen to us and those we love. If we can just keep all of the commandments, pay an honest tithing, and have daily prayer and scripture study, we can assure ourselves of His protection from heartache, accident, or tragedy. But trials will surely come, including when we are trying to do everything right.

If we believe that God will shield us from tribulation because of our obedience and then adversity strikes, we may be tempted to accuse God of not hearing our prayers or, worse, of not honoring His promises. Obedience to God is not insurance against pain and sadness. Challenges have always been included in God’s great plan to test our faith and to help us grow in humility and compassion.

The Apostle Paul acknowledged, “There was given to me a thorn in the flesh, … to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure” (2 Corinthians 12:7). Part of Christ’s mission is to heal broken hearts. He came to wipe away our tears, not to ensure that we would never weep (see Revelation 7:17). He clearly promised, “In the world ye shall have tribulation” (John 16:33).

False Assumption 2: We Can Trust in Our Own Efforts

A second false assumption might come from misunderstanding 2 Nephi 25:23—“It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” We mistakenly deduce that we must first prove our worth through our obedience and righteousness before the Lord’s sacrifice will cover us or His grace enable us.

We may come to believe that we can and should trust in our own efforts rather than humbly acknowledge God. This is self-righteousness. When we look through the lens of our righteousness and take comfort in our good efforts, the idea of depending wholly on Christ (see 2 Nephi 31:19; Moroni 6:4) seems a bit risky.

Unwittingly, when we reason this way, we sound eerily similar to Korihor, the anti-Christ from the Book of Mormon, who taught that “every man fared in this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man prospered according to his genius, and … conquered according to his strength” (Alma 30:17), thereby arguing that his listeners had no need for Christ and His Atonement.

Such thinking easily leads to justifying wrongdoing because we think we are in control; we think we know better than others, and sin is not a problem for us. If we can just get control over our world—our addictions in all their varieties, our eating disorders and obsession with thinness, our insistence that our house always be immaculate, our fascination with outward evidence of education and success—then we can finally be cheerful.

Christ declared, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33; emphasis added).

Be of Good Cheer

Cheerfulness in the scriptural context connotes a divinely assured optimism, “a deep trust in God’s unfolding purposes,” a grounded conviction that God will always keep His promises.2 When Christ proclaims, “Be of good cheer,” He is not requesting a naïve, Pollyanna-like response to life’s cruel twists and turns. Nor is He promising a pain-free life of constant bliss. Trial is no respecter of persons. Tragedy and hardship do not discriminate. Our world sees opposition among rich and poor, men and women, the righteous as well as the wicked. The Savior specifically prayed that God would not take us “out of the world” (John 17:15). “In this world your joy is not full,” He taught, “but in me your joy is full” (D&C 101:36). True happiness and satisfaction are found only by turning away from the world and coming to Christ.

Only after Sariah feared the loss of her sons and then saw their deliverance did she come to her own deeper conviction of the Lord and His plans. She declared:

“Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them” (1 Nephi 5:8).

She discovered that Christ’s grace was sufficient. And when her sons returned to their father’s tent, Nephi reported, “My mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad” (1 Nephi 5:1). Naturally such gladness came because her sons returned safely. But such joy is also evident in her witness that the Lord’s power enabled her sons to do good works that they otherwise would not have been able to do if left to their own means.

After suffering physical and emotional persecution throughout years of missionary labors, Paul landed in a Roman prison and then declared:

“I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

“I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:11–13).

The Lord clearly promises, “In the world ye shall have tribulation” (John 16:33). When we acknowledge that we each face difficulties, that the Savior overcame the world, that He has lifted and strengthened and given vision to each of us in very personal ways, we will realize that we are never alone. We will feel a peace within even though the crisis without still rages. We will be filled with hope and even cheer.

Christ Has Overcome the World

As mentioned before, Jesus Christ has indeed overcome the world. As darkness has no power when light appears, so the world cannot overcome the Light of the World (see John 1:5). He is the Victor, come to earth “with healing in his wings” (3 Nephi 25:2) for all humankind. He will not forsake us.

As a mother hen covers her chicks with her wings, so the Redeemer will surround us with His comprehensive power if we will come to Him (see Matthew 23:37). There is room under those wings for all of us, for He declares:

“Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come” (D&C 68:6).

True, we live in a time of war, a day of conflicts and terrors not only among nations but within our own hearts. But He who is the Balm of Gilead (see Jeremiah 8:22) is the Lord of all creation; only in Him are peace and serenity found. Amid all our mortal gloom and doom, Jesus Christ has overcome the world. Come, let us rejoice.

Be Patient in Afflictions
Name withheld and posed by models

Beginning with complications from a strep infection at age 10, I have spent the past 30 years in and out of hospitals. I have had four kidney transplants, two bone fusions, two neurological operations, and more than two dozen other surgeries. Due to side effects of the medications I need to take, I have also developed osteoporosis, arthritis, and numerous other maladies.

Despite experiencing chronic pain and many disappointments, I have learned to distance myself from negative thoughts and focus on recognizing Heavenly Father’s hand in my life. Over the years, the words of the Lord to the Prophet Joseph Smith have been particularly meaningful for me: “Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days” (D&C 24:8).

One of the greatest blessings I have received is the opportunity to serve others. There was a time when I struggled with depression, and looking back, I realize that I was spending all of my time and energy thinking about my problems and feeling sorry for myself. But an inspired Church leader called me to work with a special-needs Mutual group. Being able to serve these choice spirits of our Heavenly Father quickly brought me out from my emotional void. I found that when I forgot myself and spent my energy helping others, the deep sadness disappeared and I became happy and content with my life.

I know that the Savior has been with me throughout my trials, and I take comfort in the knowledge of the Resurrection, that someday I will be restored to a perfect body free of infirmities (see Alma 11:43). I know that if it were Heavenly Father’s will, I could be healed. However, I also know that He allows us to experience adversity so that we can grow and become more like Him. Knowing that He wants only what is best for me makes it easier to say, “Thy will be done.”

The healing power of Christ’s Atonement has no adverse side effects; it is perfect and complete. I know that as we have faith in Him and follow His example, we will be filled with happiness and hope.

When I forgot myself and spent my energy helping others, the deep sadness disappeared and I became happy and content with my life.

The Ultimate Formula for Happiness
“The gospel of Jesus Christ has the answers to all of our problems. The gospel is not a secret. It is not complicated or hidden. … It is not someone’s theory or proposition. It does not come from man at all. It springs from the pure and everlasting waters of the Creator of the universe, who knows truths we cannot even begin to comprehend. And with that knowledge, He has given us the gospel—a divine gift, the ultimate formula for happiness and success.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Way of the Disciple,” Liahona or Ensign, May 2009, 75.

A Grateful Heart
“A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. … It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.”

President James E. Faust (1920–2007), “Gratitude As a Saving Principle,” Ensign, Dec. 1996, 5.

I'd live there... Anyone with me?

2011-08-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Just read this article:

Courtesy of Centrala

In Warsaw, Poland in the district of Wola lies a small crack of space between the buildings on 22 Chłodna Street and 74 Żelazna Street. Jakub Szczęsny of Centrala, recognized the potential to create something unique within this narrow area, and derived a design of an art installation entitled Keret House. The house upon completion shall become the narrowest house in Warsaw, measuring an interior that will vary between 122 centimeters and 72 centimeters in its narrowest spot.

Architects: Centrala
Location: Wola, Poland
Designer: Jakub Szczęsny
Project Area: 14,5 sqm
Project Year: December 2011
Project Curators: Sarmen Beglarian, Sylwia Szymaniak
Project Announcement: Wola Art Festival “CityProjectWola“
Organizers: Modern Polish Art Foundation, President Piotr Nowicki, Wola District Office of the Capital City of Warsaw; Coordinator Anna Fiszer-Nowacka; Gmina Wyznaniowa Żydowska w Warszawie, Coordinator Judyta Nekanda-Trepka

Courtesy of Centrala

The house will be a workplace, a hermitage created for an outstanding Isreali writer, Etgar Keret. Besides, it will also fulfill a function of a studio for invited guests – young creators and intellectualists from all over the world.

The residential program, conducted in the heart of Wola, is supposed to produce creative work conditions and become a significant platform for world intellectual exchange.

section

Structurally the house is a simple tri-dimensional steel frame finished with plywood, insulated sandwich panels and styrofoam covered with concrete cloth painted white.

The interior will also be painted all white.
Courtesy of Centrala

The “living” will place itself on the transformable, remote control openable stairs, that flatten themselves when being in”up” position and become regular stairs when going down.

It will be equipped with boat-inspired water and sewage technology independent from city systems, the electricity will be delivered by a neighboring building.

plan

Currently the house is receiving building permits as art installation, since it doesn’t fulfill any existing Polish building codes, the building process is supposed to start in September.

Cite:
Minner , Kelly . "Keret House / Centrala" 22 Jul 2011. ArchDaily. Accessed 03 Aug 2011.

Chapter 28

2011-08-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

Woody knew he should not be flying.

Pilots are all a superstitious bunch. You didn't stay alive long without listening to the stories of near-misses and escapes that were inevitable when propelling a steel tube through the sky. Those who could glean information and experience from others often found themselves better prepared when the time came to exercise calm and judgement. Unfortunately, much of what was passed was so much snake oil and rabbit's feet. But it was still religiously adhered to, almost as closely as the pre-flight checklist. And some of it made sense.

Such as this morning. He was cranky. He knew it. He'd had a real blow out with his wife last night - something trivial and inconsequential, really, but it had seemed so important at the time. It made for a bad night's sleeping, which made for a bad day's flying. He had a hard time focusing on what he was doing.

But the sky was clear and the winds were calm when he arrived at the airport, and after his pre-flight check he was actually starting to feel the usual excitement that accompanied a solo flight in his chopper. On the ground, things could be as clumsy and solid as a brick outhouse, but once he was in the air, he soared among the clouds. He was the master of the sky and the king of all he saw.

Lifting off, he immediately angled back towards that strange shining he'd seen the other day. The longer he thought about it, the more troubled he was. This was on the top of one of the many mesas around here, a place barren and almost completely smooth rock. There were a few random depressions, most of those at least partially filled with sand, which made them barely distinguishable from the adjacent rock. There was no reason for any random person to be up there. The only ones who would purposefully go up there were rock climbers and scientists, of which there were plenty of both in this area. These were not the type to leave garbage hanging around, much less a beer bottle. That's what the shining thing had reminded him of - the glint off of a broken beer bottle bottom. He'd seen plenty of those, of course, looking for lost people around campgrounds. But to see one way up here, in such a remote location, particularly without any other detritus associated with the kind of camping that would produce broken beer bottles (i.e., drunken, riotous camping with huge bonfires and lots of left-over garbage).

So he wondered what it was he'd seen and how it got there. Seemed worthy of investigation. It was probably nothing, but it was about an hour's flight away and he enjoyed the time by himself. It helped him to cool his mind. He radioed in his position as he approached where he'd seen the glinting.

There was little hope of him seeing anything. The time of day was sure to be different, and the angle of reflection would almost surely eliminate the possibility of him seeing anything. But again, this was more about alone time for Woody than any real hope.

He was about 1000 yards away from the place where he'd seen the reflection when he saw the flash of light that could only be an explosion. It was off to his right, off the top of the mesa and down somewhat into a canyon. He instinctively dove down and accelerated, not knowing what he'd seen for sure. All that was left was a plume of smoke that had a strangely familiar shape - like something he'd seen in his childhood, something terrible - and a low rumble that carried through his headphones...

At that exact second, several things happened at once. He keyed his radio to report what he'd seen - even if it was some kind of industrial accident or something, they'd need some help down there cleaning up. And if it were something less benign, well, that needed investigation also. But just as he keyed in and began to speak, he felt his chopper take bullet fire. He could not immediately identify the source, but he didn't want to hang around to find out, either. He moved left, again trying to get closer to the ground. Rather than report the explosion, what came out of his mouth started with an expletive...

"I am taking small weapons fire!" Woody shouted into the comm piece near his chin. His aircraft was not responding to his repeated course corrections. "My aircraft has been hit and I have lost control. I am just above Washington Mesa, about 1 and a half clicks north of Highway 12!"

Woody had no more time to say anything. His chopper was auguring into the ground and he knew the end had come for him. His last thought was of his wife, of the argument they'd had that morning over nothing of consequence. His last words spoken to his dear wife had been in anger as he'd stormed out of their home. Now he'd never have a chance to make things right.

*****************

The last thing Deborah heard over the radio coming from Woody's chopper was a very faint, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Attempts to raise Woody after that were unsuccessful. Deborah's eyes widened in shock. Oh, dear God in Heaven, she thought. Not again...

For someone really special

2011-08-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'd never heard this song but I really like it... Hope you enjoy!

Lyrics:

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me

when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you (want)*******
ha ah ah ah ah ah
and if only you could see into me

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

Breakdown Heartbreak...

2011-07-29T14:38:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I've posted this one before, but here goes:

So there I was - just married. Literally, within DAYS of being married and my wife and I were on a camping trip in Southern Utah... We went to Bryce Canyon and then to Calf Creek - you know the place. Well, I found out that my wife's idea of camping and mine were somewhat divergent. So we decided to cut the trip short and head back home. We started up that beautiful road to the east of Calf Creek - before Boulder - and the car died. Died. Like it ran out of gas... Which I figured later it did, kind of...

There was a strange gas-like substance on the ground under the car. My wife said it was gas, but I was sure it was water from the air conditioning condensor. Should have listened to her immediately... It's a lesson I am still trying to learn.

A car stopped by and went into town and got us some gas (I still thought we were out of gas...). I put that in the car but it didn't help. Turns out, one of the fuel lines had come off the fuel filter. My dad had rigged up something on the car to make it fit a fuel filter that it wasn't designed to take.

So here I am in the middle of nowhere, miles and miles from ANYTHING!, in the dark, trying to figure out how to make this thing work. My wife, I was so sure, was incredibly frustrated and annoyed - what kind of a man drives a car like this?!? and doesn't even know how to fix it!!! What have I gotten myself into?!?

I found out later that she was scared, but only because we were out in the middle of nowhere. She actually had a great deal of confidence in my ability and was very understanding about the cheap car.

I eventually (about 8 hours later) got some inspiration that either came from God or from inhaling too much gas fumes (or both) and bypassed the fuel filter altogether... That did the trick. We stayed the night in a parking lot at Bryce Canyon and then drove home the next day.

Lessons learned:

1. listen to my wife.

2. drive a nice car, preferably a new one...

3. think creatively and logically. There's usually a solution, but if your brain is too muddled and frustrated you'll never see it...

4. trust my wife. She really does love me, in spite of myself!

5. there's truth in the Korean proverb - Even the Golden Mountains are best viewed after eating. This suggests that we need to take care of our basic human needs first before trying to appreciate the beautiful. Or in other words, reminding us of the constant need of nourishment for the body as well as the spirit and mind...

6. my wife doesn't think of camping the same way I do...

Great Tune...

2011-07-21T15:02:00.001-07:00

Yep.

2011-07-18T10:05:00.001-07:00

The American Dream

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long it took you to catch them?" The American asked.

"Only a little while." The Mexican replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The American then asked.

"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs." The Mexican said.

"But," The American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats."

"Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said slowly, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."

Smoke Signals

2011-07-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Drum beats
From far off
The cry goes up
Fire! Fear! Foes!
Come!
Quickly!
Come and help!
Come and save!

Yet we read of the warrior
Who stood on the hill
And did not save the city
Because the sound of the bells
Was carried away
By the wind

All the bells rang
The din was an uproar
The city imperiled
Implored for aid
But none was forthcoming
Because the bells rang in vain

Like the wisps of so much smoke
That ascend up to heaven
But are blown away
Tattered by winds
And never reach the intended eyes
Of the one who could
Do so much

If only the signals reached...

Chapter 27

2011-07-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

Janice's eyes widened when she saw who was seated around the large conference table. These were men who's names she'd heard on the radio and television, faces she'd seen on news networks and in online forums. She never thought that she'd ever see any of these people in real life, men who were powerful and influential. Men who were, for the most part, despotic, tyrannical thugs. But men who knew what they were about and knew how to do it.

This meeting was set up with the purpose of studying distribution methods for the new weapons being developed not far from where they were seated. But there were other purposes for this meeting as well. The men at the table had demanded to see the new successor as leader of the team, and they wanted a demonstration of the effects of the weapons they were acquiring. Interestingly, there was no discussion of money or what was expected in return for the supply of munitions.

Some of the men at the table openly stared at her, disbelief evident in their eyes. Others only glanced at her surreptitiously, as if trying to see her yet afraid of an outright breach of decorum. The feeling in the room when she entered, however, was one of surprised shock - and not in a pleasant way. She knew why this was - first, she was a female. Men - particularly powerful men - were often under the impression that women were weaker. This was further exacerbated by the fact that she was small - she actually preferred the term petite to small - and beautiful. She pushed her hair angrily behind her ear at that thought. Most men assumed that because a woman was beautiful she was not intelligent, ascribing intelligence with bad attitudes and ugly faces.

Well, she was about to disabuse them. Perhaps it was time for a demonstration of her own power.

She went through a mental checklist of things that were likely to impress these hardened and ruthless men. What would it take to get them to understand she was not to be trifled with... They were not going to be easily impressed by displays of servitude or opulence. Only something big and dramatic would grab their attention.

She turned and spoke to her brother, who stood like a doberman to the rear and left of her high-backed chair. She knew no one else could understand them, not using the language that so few could speak.

"I need something," she said. He tensed visibly, and the talking around the room silenced. "I need a demonstration. Please explain to these men what you are about to do at my bidding."

Her brother turned and, with a loud voice in English, said, "You are here at the invitation of our leader. You are being offered a chance to partake in a revolutionary new kind of warfare, one that will shift the balance of power in the world for decades. Not since the creation and subsequent USE of the atomic bomb has anything so powerful been devised. And this chance is being offered to you on one condition - absolute and total obedience to the leader. If you do not accept her generosity freely, you will be compelled. If you resist, you will be eliminated. Is that clear?"

The silence in the room was absolute.

Now that he had their attention, he turned on a projector. "Please note that the news networks are reporting the usual basic boring things. That is about to change."

The scene on the screen shifted. "This is one of our locally controlled cameras in a location you need not know. Note the harbor, where there are several military vessels at the dock. Several years ago, a small boat loaded with explosives approached ships similarly docked and blew themselves up. Little more than a bee stinging a bear, the USS Cole attack really served no purpose and furthered no agenda. This was because no one was paying attention - the attention grabber was ineffective because no one's attention was diverted. That changes now.

"Since today is the fifth day of the month, I will choose the fifth ship."

The vessel indicated immediately erupted in flames. There was no sound associated with this imagery, but the video presentation was clear. One minute there was a ship there - the next, it was a ball of flame. Scant moments later, the prow of the ship arced up in the sky as the stern sank slowly to the bottom. Men were diving overboard, while men on adjacent ships were running to man lifeboats and put out fires that had spread to their ships.

"Cute display," one of the warlords around the table said. "But you'd probably just staged that whole thing."

"I admit that is possible," John said. "Well, Ali, since you doubt, please choose another vessel."

Ali was stunned, but regained his composure quickly. "Since there are three letters in my name, I choose vessel number three."

Immediately the third vessel exploded into flame and just as quickly was sent to the bottom.

The remaining ships were anthills of activity then, deck hands cutting ropes and lines and trying to get the vessels away from the threat they could not see or understand. They would have a hard time of it with the ships they had once been tied to barring their egress from the killing zone. But sailors, like soldiers, are men of action, and when something unexpected happens the reaction is to move.

The men around the table looked truly frightened now.

Janice said to her brother, "Now get it on the news."

John turned to the men in the room and said, "Now, would you like some independent verification?"

The screen switched to CNN, which was displaying the CNN breaking news alert screen.

"Eyewitness accounts from the scene say that the ships were attacked with no warning. There was the sound of a rocket propelled grenade being launched, but it is unclear how such a small munition could cause so much damage. To recap, two vessels were blown away just seconds ago as they sat at berth here in the capital of Yemen. There is no official word yet on casualties from either the Yemeni government or the US Navy, but the ships appear to be total losses."

John muted the sound, but left the screen going with images from the burning oil slicks that were all that remained of two powerful warships.

Ali spoke, "If you are willing to destroy even US Naval vessels, then you have no loyalty or allegiance to the United States. To whom do you owe allegiance."

John waited just a moment, making sure that his voice was the only thing audible in the room.

"To her."

Janice stood. The men around realized what they had just seen. With a face more terrible than can be described, Janice turned to each of these tyrants.

"You think you are men of action, powerful men who control all they see. You are like babes at their mother's breast. I have all power over life or death. You will obey me, or you will die."

With that, she turned and left the room. John followed her and closed the door behind them.

In the stunned silence that followed, Ali spoke. "I will not be intimidated by this woman! She claims to be powerful, but that could have been faked. I am not convinced, and I will not swear loyalty to her."

The others remained silent.

Another door opened, and men wearing the yellow jumpsuits entered. One walked to the head of the table and said, "If you will please follow your escorts, you will be taken to where the next demonstration will occur."

The men left single file, each followed by an escort. They felt like guards, but they were completely unarmed. Ali was the last one to leave, and no one noticed when two men stepped out of a side corridor and grabbed him, pulling him down to the ground and binding him hand and foot. They carried him off to another corridor and out of sight.

The rest of the men were led to a comfortably apportioned room, one with large couches and a credenza stocked with drinks, fruits and vegetables, and other things to eat. Some of the men helped themselves, while others sat on the couches and put their heads in their hands, seemingly in deep thought. Truly, their world had just changed dramatically and quickly. Most men liked order that they could wrap their minds around. This new demonstration was of a world of chaos and power that they had never known...

One of the men, the one who had been sitting next to Ali, noticed that he was not present. "Where's Ali?" he asked of no one in particular.

"Probably in the restroom," one of the others responded.

At that moment, John walked into the room. "Please approach the window," he said. "You will find binoculars if you wish to use them."

There had been no window there previously, but a large shaft of light opened up along one wall - the entire wall was opening up lengthwise. Once it was opened about six inches, the motion stopped. The wall was about 12 inches thick, apparently of solid concrete. The men in the room all moved to the wall, where located in niches below the window were powerful binoculars.

"Please notice the vehicle parked across the canyon," John said. "This vehicle was acquired a few days ago - a donation, you might say."

The markings on the SUV indicated that this was the vehicle driven by the Garfield County Sheriff's department. It was the Bronco that Jake Trotter had been driving in pursuit of John, before he met with his untimely end.

Some of the men smiled, knowing both what they were about to see and what it was going to happen to.

A man walked into view, slightly to the left of the window so as not to block anyone's view. His voice carried over speakers set into the bunker - that's where the men now realized they were - as he described his actions.

He held up his rifle. It was a powerful bolt action rifle, the kind that was easily accessible and very accurate. The rifle had a large scope. Because it was bolt action, there was the possibility of only one shot being fired at a time. The shooter indicated that he was clearing the rifle. All of the men in the room noticed the familiar routine as he checked the breech and then inserted one bullet into the gun. He took aim through the scope, while his voice invited the men to turn their attention back to the vehicle.

As they did so, they noticed two men carrying a third. The men in the room recognized their erstwhile companion, Ali. He was not moving. The two men in yellow jumpsuits loaded him into the Bronco and got out of the way. Quickly. They were out of sight for about thirty seconds when Janice entered the room behind the men unnoticed to the men who were now watching Ali come back to his senses in the hot vehicle and struggle with his bonds.

Janice spoke into a small microphone mounted to an earpiece that was in her right ear, slightly covered by her auburn hair. "Ali, can you hear me?"

"Yes, you devil woman!" Ali screamed. "You don't know who I am! I am a powerful man! You have made a very, very bad choice! I will kill you myself!"

"All I asked is whether or not you could hear me."

"You listen here, you witch! Release me at ONCE! I demand..." She cut off the sound with a gesture to John. Some of the men had turned to watch her in this exchange, but most felt more comfortable looking out the window.

"You will now see what happens to those who oppose the team," she said quietly. She put on ear protection, as did John. Some of the men had just time to think about why she would need ear protection from something that would take place from so far away. They raised their binoculars back to their eyes as the rifleman waited for the brief gust of wind to pass. The men in the room could all see Ali thrashing convulsively now, seeking any kind of escape from this trap he'd found himself in.

There was a sharp crack from the rifle, and immediately thereafter the Bronco just disintegrated. It was gone. One minute it was there, then a flash of light, and it was just gone. There were not even any smoking, charred remains. The ground had become blackened, the only evidence belying the fact that there had once been a vehicle sitting there that had met a very bad end. That, and the remaining ringing in people's ears from the sound coming from the explosion, which had been deafening.

The men in the room slowly lowered their binoculars and almost as one turned to face the leader of the team. Also almost as one, these powerful men went to their knees and swore absolute fealty to the leader. Janice went to the men one by one, almost tenderly taking their faces in her elegant and graceful feminine hands, and looked them in they eye. "You belong to me, now," she said, with warmth, but with terrible resolution. "I will not forget it. Nor should you. You have seen the penalty for disobedience. Your reward will be to live and serve me."

The men pressed their foreheads into the carpet before her feet. Some actually wept, overcome at the prospect. But whether the tears were of devotion or regret, none could have said.

chapter 26

2011-07-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Sam hated this part of the investigation. Any investigation.

They all seemed to go in fits and starts. They'd catch a break on one lead, run it down as far as they could, and then have to wait for the next break. Only rarely did all of the breaks and leads point to the same source from the beginning. On one hand, he did enjoy the mental exercises that were involved with putting the pieces together, forming a complete picture that could then be brought in front of a jury - or at least that pointed at the culprit. But on the other hand, the waiting game wore him down, rubbing his nerves raw. He needed a break, and he knew it. Maybe after this one is over, he thought, I'll get that boat I've dreamed of and sail around the world...

...yeah, right.

He picked up a styrofoam container of what passed for coffee around here. He was shocked to discover that the Sheriff's office didn't even have a coffee pot. He'd gone out and purchased one on his own, but he'd had to travel almost three hours to find a store that even carried one. Being surrounded by Mormons had it's attractions - clean cut, hard working, and invariably honest - but not one of them knew how to make a decent cup of coffee. He didn't understand how folks could be so perky and friendly in the morning without a few milligrams of legal stimulants.

He reviewed again - for what felt like the thousandth time - the sheet in front of him. It was a brief summary of what they had, and it was not very much.

Geography - they knew roughly the area that the Sheriff's Deputy had disappeared. They had flown over the area and seen nothing, nothing out of the ordinary. The road into the canyon terminated not far from where the remnants of the unfortunate deputy were found. And if the road was rutted by significant truck traffic, well, the locals did seem to enjoy their big trucks... There was also the Las Vegas connection, but he wasn't sure what that had to do with anything. That black Tahoe had just up and disappeared. It could be in Nova Scotia by now, but was more likely in some border town chop shop...

Physical Evidence - the bits of metal they'd picked up off the road - the tooth fillings from the slain officer - were really all they had. There was just no way of determining how they had come to be where they were, in the condition they were. He'd been back to where he'd picked them up, but there was no additional evidence, markings, or anything unusual. He felt that there was something there he was missing, but it was proving to be elusive. Just how did someone make a body disappear with such completeness while leaving only tooth fillings? He was baffled by that.

Eyewitnesses - the toughs in Las Vegas had been pumped for all the information they knew. They'd corroborated each other's stories, but it didn't amount to much. Two people calmly dispatching a group of thugs in a professional and efficient manner with no weapons. Ninjas did not simply walk out of the terminal, get set upon by gangsters, and then drive away in a Tahoe into the deserts of Utah. It just didn't happen. Except that it had...

And that was pretty much it. There were dots out there, he knew. He could feel it in his bones - dots just waiting to be connected that would resolve itself into a complete picture. But he couldn't bring the next crucial steps into focus. He was frustrated and tired of waiting.

But this is the part of the game where people make mistakes, he reminded himself. If I make the mistake through not being patient, the whole thing may be over. But if the other side makes the mistake, I'll be on them like a wolf on a wounded deer.

That thought made him smile. He was good at what he did. He just needed to be patient. The break would come. He was in the right place. He could wait it out.

He stood to refresh his coffee which had grown cold. Man, what I wouldn't give for a decent cup of coffee...

Chapter 25

2011-06-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

I was going crazy.

As surely as madness took Nemo, I felt myself slipping into a self-induced psychosis. I was no psychoanalyst, but I knew that some of the screws up in the old noggin were becoming loose. And I was scared.

Nothing in life is worse than finding yourself in a situation that you can do nothing about. I was trapped - as trapped as any mouse in any cage. Oh, I could move about within the confines of the underground compound. They left me pretty free reign to do anything I wanted and go anywhere I wished. But there were always cameras following me, always guards just around the corner, always something to remind me that I was an honored guest, but one with very limited freedoms.

I had taken to exercise, which at first seemed a good release of my pent-up energy, but later became as mundane and ritualistic as everything else here. Everything. Even my relationship with Janice, which was once so fulfilling, so pure, had become tainted by the intrusion of these men and their agenda. I was under no delusion that these men had their goals and that they were manipulating my sweet wife into performing all kinds of acts as a figurehead. I wished desperately there was some way I could waken her out of this hypnosis...

The only bright spot was my children. What scared me most, though, is what I knew they were teaching to his daughter. I'd seen how they treated her with a kind of reverence and awe. People fawning over anyone at such a tender age could have a profound and lasting impact. Just look at Janice...

My workouts had begun to extend for hours. There simply wasn't much else for me to do. I took long walks down corridors that seemed endless. Most of the doors leading off these corridors led to fairly ordinary places - offices, conference rooms, and the like. But a few I had come to know were more interesting. There was the control room, where there was a constant crew of men monitoring news reports. They were also monitoring cell communications of world leaders. From this room, they could access the microphone of any cell phone in the world and eavesdrop on the conversation happening anytime, anywhere. That part really creeped me out. It made me never want to use my cell phone ever again.

In another room was a massive laboratory. I'm not sure why they let me in this lab, except that what was going on in there seemed either too technical for me to understand - I'd barely passed my chemistry classes - or was relatively public knowledge. One thing that interested me was the solvent. If it was as powerful as they claimed, how were they able to even store it in anything?

"It was a problem we'd worked for a long time to figure out," the friendly technician responded. His name was Alex, and while no one was particularly rude, Alex would talk to me where the others wouldn't. I had tried asking him about his personal life - where he was from and all that - but he was pretty tight-lipped about that. He was very open, however, about his work. He seemed eager to share information about what he was doing at the lab.

"We found that with it's affinity for organic compounds and quartz, most plastics and even glass were not able to contain the particular mixture. Stainless steel is one of the easiest ways to contain it - it does not seem to dissolve alloyed metals easily. Applying it also brought challenges since spray bottles typically use rubber gaskets and plastic nozzles. There is only one type of plastic polymer that we've found that will work, so we've had to manufacture our own injection molds for plastic bottles and spray aerosols."

"Sounds pretty ticklish," I said, mostly to keep the conversation going.

"It is. We can only manufacture a small amount at a time, basically enough to fill that container over there," he said, indicating a large stainless steel cylinder in the corner of the room. There was a stainless steel fitting near the bottom ridge and a small tap. "When we are doing a dissolution project we access it there. There is a log for how much is removed so that when it gets low we can make up another batch."

"Where do you get the chemcials?" I asked.

Suddenly he turned wary. "That's not something you need to worry about," he said, his voice cold, his eyes distant.

I backpedaled quickly. "I just meant that in this remote location, and with all this secrecy, it's not like FedEx can show up and deliver a hundred gallons of whatever it is..."

His face stayed hard, but he said, "That's true. There are some difficulties and technical problems related to our remoteness. But suffice it to say that we can easily and quickly get almost anything we need..."

The way he left that last phrase hanging in the air reminded me that for all his supposed friendliness, he was part of the team. I knew how calculating and manipulative the team could be and I was anxious to not find out how far Alex could be pushed. I thanked him for his time and moved off.

The nagging thought that kept recurring to me, however, was the apparent dissatisfaction that he'd seemed to display. Perhaps there was some dissension in the ranks. Perhaps I could exploit that to my advantage...

I headed off to the gym, my mind in overdrive.

Chapter 24

2011-06-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Janice woke slowly, stretching luxuriously on the softness of her bed. There was something about satin sheets that made her feel like a princess. She'd never had had them in her own house - they were simply too difficult to keep looking good without an army of servants.

Well, that wasn't a problem for her now.

She smiled to herself at how her life had changed over the past several days. It was truly amazing how quickly and drastically things could change. From southeast Texas swamp land to very dry desert, from living a life as a professional nurse to now being revered as a queen... It is true - life did move fast. She was grateful, too, for the things that had stayed the same, particularly that her daughter and her son were with her.

Then there was Michael. She loved him more than ever, but he was becoming moody and distant. That was understandable, she thought, based on the sudden nature of what had happened and how quickly he'd had to be brought up to speed. But the sullenness was difficult to handle, particularly from someone from whom she'd always derived so much strength. He'd retreated into a kind of shell and it was difficult to know how to handle that.

When they'd first met, she knew that he'd suffered a great loss in his first wife. He'd truly loved her and was not looking for a replacement. There was no denying the connection they'd felt, however, and soon the bond between them was strong and real. She was never jealous of the time he'd spent with his first wife, never worried that he loved her less. In fact, she was grateful for the things that she'd taught Michael about how to treat a woman. His first wife had been a strong, intelligent, and patient woman. Janice wished she could have met her.

Gently swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, her bare feet resting lightly on the floor, she ran her fingers through her deep auburn hair. Her blue eyes sparkled in the dim light coming from the bathroom. Michael had insisted that they leave one light on. Deep inside this man-made mountain cave the darkness could be complete and suffocating. She knew also that it was a psychological link for him, a link to the outside world that he'd perhaps never see again.

She stood and walked to the bathroom, pulling her nightgown up over her head. She wanted a shower. A glance at the clock showed that it was 5:37 AM. Her unfailing internal alarm clock had waked her at around this time for as long as she could remember, except on the few rare days she indulged in sleeping in - until around 7 AM, usually. She ran the shower to warm up the tiles and air and then stepped into the hot stream of water. The morning was the best time to shower, she reflected, lathering up. It awakens one's body and relaxes muscles ahead of the day. Her eyes closed as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, feeling the warm water course over her face. There really wasn't much better than a shower...

When she opened her eyes she gave a little start. Michael had quietly come into the bathroom and was watching her shower. He often did that, appreciating her body with an almost awestruck and worshipful gaze. She smiled coyly and splashed some water towards him. His smile was warm and his eyes spoke of the passion he felt for her.Under normal circumstances, he might have joined her in the shower. Lately he'd felt a little distant, though. Perhaps it was the place - something about it made him feel like he was being watched all the time, and that was not conducive to romantic liaisons... She'd assured him that wasn't the case, but the distance remained all the same.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she said. "Will you please hand me my towel?"

Michael reached for the towel, not having to stand to pull it from the towel rack above his head, and held it between his outstretched arms. This was another thing she loved, feeling him dry her body gently, slowly, appreciating her curves and skin. It was a mundane act when done by one's self, but when performed by one's lover it became a very intimate act of service and devotion. He leaned over to kiss her shoulders after he rubbed them dry with the towel.

She turned to face him, wrapping the towel around her body - more for warmth than for modesty. She looked up into his clear eyes and could feel her heart melt right down into her toes. She truly, deeply loved her man.

"Janice," he began, somewhat tremulously. "We need to get out of here. I don't like this place. I don't like what these people are doing. And I don't like what it's doing to you."

The mood had vanished almost as quickly as the steam rising from her still-damp body. "What do you mean? What is it doing to me? I'm just the same person I always was - you just now know more about me."

"That's true - I do know more about you. But it's also true that these people are changing you. Look around, Janice. These people are almost all crazy. The ones that aren't are automatons, obeying orders without any thought to the repercussions. Please, Janice - let's just get out of here."

"You know who these people are. You know who I am. Where could we go that we would ever be free from them - from the obligation that I bear? We could run, but we'd never be able to hide..."

"Janice. What you say makes sense, but my heart tells me otherwise. I see the way you act around these men, see the way the power is affecting you. It scares me to death. Please, please Janice. Let's get out of here!"

The pleading, almost begging tone in his voice shocked Janice. For a moment her resolve wavered: she did want to get out of there. But then she reflected on how pitiful he sounded. "A weapon formed but unused is a useless thing," she said. "A person trained to lead who does not is just as useless. This is what I was raised to do, who I was born to be. I will meet my destiny, Michael. I want you by my side. Please try to see what good these actions may have on the world. Look at our intentions. Could there be anything more noble than looking for ways to rectify the gross injustices in the world? To promote civil dialog and increase democratic discourse? Those have always been the highest goals of the team. They are what drives us now."

Michael looked as though he'd been slapped. "Violence is never a good solution to any problem. Giving terrible weapons into the hands of those who lack oversight and moral discretion is a recipe for disaster. People who talk over the barrels of loaded weapons do so with strident and caustic voices, with malice in their hearts. This kind of brinkmanship will unravel the very fabric of society. You must see that! You must see the madness you're unleashing on the world! The world doesn't need equalizing weapons to rectify inequities, the world needs education, compassion, and brotherly love!"

He trailed off, realizing he was standing, shaking. The last few sentences had been shouted at the woman he loved. She'd let the towel drop to the floor, naked, but somehow clothed with an incredible dignity and pride that spoke of inner strength. "You dare to presume to lecture me on social justice?" she said, quietly, but with great intensity. "You dabble in geopolitical things like a baby with fingerpaints. Your opinions of the outside world are formed by carefully designed news reports - reports that are largely dictated by members of the team. How much do you really know, Michael? I mean, really?"

There was nothing he could say. Janice saw the words she'd spoken land like a fist into his face, crushing his spirit and will to resist. She hated herself then, hated what she'd had to do. But he had to understand.

She reached out to stroke his face, but he pulled away. She angrily turned from him then, stalking off into the closet to get dressed. Once she was dressed she walked past Michel, still standing as if rooted to the floor of the bathroom. She felt a pang of sorrow for him then, but that was quickly disregarded. She gathered her wits about her for the days events. Today was going to be a big one.

Chapter 23

2011-06-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

Woody juked the stick left and immediately felt the aircraft respond.

He was made for this. He loved it like he'd loved his first car, his first girlfriend, his first everything. Each and every time he got into this helicopter - the Bell 412 - it was like the first time and his heart soared with his body above the clouds with sheer joy and exhilaration. He was in his element, master of air, machine, and destiny.

He flexed his hands on the controls. That was one part that was not like the first time. When he'd initially received his training, back in the waning days of Vietnam - a place he'd never end up seeing - his hands had not seemed to tense up and lock up like they did now. He'd been flying for nearly 40 years and was not any closer to retirement.

Woody had worked for the Garfield County Sheriff's Department for about two years. Before that he'd been flying sight-seers out of Las Vegas through the Grand Canyon, occasionally ferrying them back as far away as Los Angeles. It didn't matter the flight - although the Grand Canyon could be hairy at times with the wicked updrafts and sudden crosswinds. He would fly anywhere anytime.

The helicopter had been donated by a generous benefactor. There was simply no other way to account for the multi-million dollar machine belonging to the Department. Woody recounted what he'd been told of the acquisition, wishing he'd been there when the search and rescue team found the computer tycoon and his family stranded, hopelessly lost and nearly out of water in one of the slot canyons. With place names like Dirty Devil and Hell's Backbone, you'd think that people would give the desert more respect, Woody thought. The fanciest GPS system in the world still ran on batteries, batteries that have a way of giving out at the worst possible moments. And being at the bottom of that canyon certainly didn't help, Woody reflected. There was a very limited aperture for gaining signal for the satellites floating above them in space.

Luckily for the computer guy, the locals knew where to look. He wasn't even three miles from a road, but it might as well have been on another planet.

Come to think of it, didn't NASA do Mars mission training around here? Woody thought he'd heard something like that. Something about this place being similar to the surface of Mars, with the red sand and the heat fluctuations...

He turned his focus back on scanning the slot canyons. For all it's sophistication, the GPS on the helicopter could tell them where they were, but not where they wanted to be. You had to know that already...

Woody glanced over at his companion for this flight. The stone sober FBI g-man had commandeered his services just as he'd commandeered the entire Department. Oh, the Sheriff had been accommodating, but there was little question who was in charge. The man didn't even threaten - he just pointed and made sure that what was needed is what happened. He sat there in the copilot's seat - gratefully not touching anything, but constantly scanning. He'd seldom seen this kind of focus before. He wasn't sure if the guy was always like this or the frustration of the current situation was getting to him.

Something glinted off to Woody's right.

He couldn't be sure he'd seen it, and he didn't want to deviate from his course for something he thought he might have seen. But he'd seen it in that small depression over there...

He maintained course and speed, moving on as though nothing had happened. He'd come back later and check it out on his own, when the g-man was not with him, breathing down his neck.

*****

The soldier took his eye from his scope and slowly lowered the weapon back to his side. He'd begun to sweat - sweat that had nothing to do with the heat of the day. The helicopter was flying too close, but that was a law enforcement chopper - the markings were clear in the magnification of his scope - and he was reluctant to shoot down a police officer. He knew that would make all kinds of trouble and bring unwanted attention. Besides, they hadn't seen or noticed anything: their course continued on the way it had before with no deviation. So their camouflage worked. That was good to know. He continued to track the chopper across an impossibly blue sky as it drifted back off to the west. As the chopper vanished from sight, he returned to his scans of the sky, listening as much as watching. He wondered when his relief would arrive...

2011-06-27T07:06:00.001-07:00

Why call
those random paths
roads?
Everyone who walks
walks
like Jesus
on water.

- Antonio Machado

All I want...

2011-06-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

The more I think, the less I see
when I'm able to walk
I'm queen of my world
I let it rain on my skin
I don't let myself down
I don't let myself down
just wanna be one with you
wanna be one with you
The more I think, the less I do
when I'm able to talk
I'm queen of my world
I let it rain on my skin
I don't ask myself why
I don't ask myself why
I wanna be one with you
wanna be one with you

all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

and all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

I feel closer to the clouds
I'm touching all the highest leaves
on top of the trees
It's my desire's release
we let it rain on our skin
you're holding my hand
I'm holding your life
'n I feel like I'm one with you
I'm one with you

and all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

I think I have to give you something
more than words is that something
so I show you my dreams
to make' em our dreams
won't you just be
for I'm what you see

and all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul
all I want is to rock your soul

Together with the sun
we shine all the way
together with the rain
we fall through the air
Together with the sun
we shine all the way
together with the rain
with the sun
with the rain
the rain and the sun
together with the rain
and the sun
only with the rain
with the rain
and the sun
with the sun
with the sun
with the sun

The Magic Bus!

2011-06-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

Every day I get in the queue (Too much, the Magic Bus)
To get on the bus that takes me to you (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, the Magic Bus)
Your house is only another mile (Too much, the Magic Bus)
Thank you, driver, for getting me here (Too much, the Magic Bus)
You'll be an inspector, have no fear (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I don't want to cause no fuss (Too much, the Magic Bus)
But can I buy your Magic Bus? (Too much, the Magic Bus)
Nooooooooo!

I don't care how much I pay (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I wanna drive my bus to my baby each day (Too much, the Magic Bus)
*[Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus
Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus
Give me a hundred (Magic Bus)
I won't take under (Magic Bus)
Goes like thunder (Magic Bus)
It's a four-stage wonder (Magic Bus)

Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus
I want it, I want it, I want it...(You can't have it!)
Think how much you'll save...(You can't have it!)]
I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it ... (You can't have it!)

Thruppence and sixpence every day
Just to drive to my baby
Thruppence and sixpence each day
'Cause I drive my baby every way

Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus...
I want the Magic Bus, I want the Magic Bus, I want the Magic Bus...

I said, now I've got my Magic Bus (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I said, now I've got my Magic Bus (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I drive my baby every way (Too much, the Magic Bus)
Each time I go a different way (Too much, the Magic Bus)
I want it, i want it, I want it, I want it ...

Every day you'll see the dust (Too much, the Magic Bus)
As I drive my baby in my Magic Bus (Too much, the Magic Bus)

Banjo Boy...

2011-06-13T08:57:00.001-07:00

Music

2011-06-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads - Doctrine and Covenants 25:12

If thou art merry, praise the Lord with singing, with music, with dancing, and with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. - Doctrine and Covenants 136:28

From Pres. Kimball

2011-06-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

The daily newspaper screamed the headlines: “Plane Crash Kills 43. No Survivors of Mountain Tragedy,” and thousands of voices joined in a chorus: “Why did the Lord let this terrible thing happen?”
Two automobiles crashed when one went through a red light, and six people were killed. Why would God not prevent this?
Why should the young mother die of cancer and leave her eight children motherless? Why did not the Lord heal her?
A little child was drowned; another was run over. Why?
A man died one day suddenly of a coronary occlusion as he climbed a stairway. His body was found slumped on the floor. His wife cried out in agony, “Why? Why would the Lord do this to me? Could he not have considered my three little children who still need a father?”
A young man died in the mission field and people critically questioned: “Why did not the Lord protect this youth while he was doing proselyting work?”
I wish I could answer these questions with authority, but I cannot. I am sure that sometime we’ll understand and be reconciled. But for the present we must seek understanding as best we can in the gospel principles.
Was it the Lord who directed the plane into the mountain to snuff out the lives of its occupants, or were there mechanical faults or human errors?
Did our Father in heaven cause the collision of the cars that took six people into eternity, or was it the error of the driver who ignored safety rules?
Did God take the life of the young mother or prompt the child to toddle into the canal or guide the other child into the path of the oncoming car?
Did the Lord cause the man to suffer a heart attack? Was the death of the missionary untimely? Answer, if you can. I cannot, for though I know God has a major role in our lives, I do not know how much he causes to happen and how much he merely permits. Whatever the answer to this question, there is another I feel sure about.
Could the Lord have prevented these tragedies? The answer is, Yes. The Lord is omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save us from labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But he will not.
We should be able to understand this, because we can realize how unwise it would be for us to shield our children from all effort, from disappointments, temptations, sorrows, and suffering.
The basic gospel law is free agency and eternal development. To force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental law and make growth impossible.

- from Faith Preceeds the Miracle

The power of a word...

2011-06-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

What would you say to someone in pain?

Someone you love truly and deeply, someone from whom you would remove all pain, all suffering - if only you could?

How would you comfort a soul grieving the loss of another?

With all of the loss that has been around me of late, I have pondered these questions.

How do I comfort a friend who has lost a loved one? How do I speak a kind word in season to my sweet grandmother who is missing her husband of more than sixty years? How do I tell my aunt how much the loss of her son, my cousin, means to me - and how much his life touched mine?

Do I speak of eternity, seeking to sublimate existing woes into the perspective of forever? Do I say that sadness and pain is a purely mental thing that can be overcome with distraction, time, or self-discipline? Do I evoke the great philosophical masters, telling of how the experience of pain and loss is part of the human experience and therefore not to be shunned, but rather welcomed as the sign of continued life? Do I point to others, who, by comparison, may have things worse? Or do I seek to apply the healing balm that comes from the Savior, the healing and saving power of the Atonement, and the prospect of a joyful resurrection...

All of these things are undoubtedly true. But the extension of such words at such a time seems patronizing and demeaning. They also do not heal and uplift, but cover and diminish feeling.

Sometimes there are just no words, no words that would convey the true meaning of life and death, of grief and pain, of love and life and light and joy. There is no way to express the spark shared between people who love each other. Shared glances and embraces can convey what the tongue cannot. In the eyes of two such, intimacy can build a bridge of comfort, peace, understanding, and love, that the ears cannot bear.

Truly, more is spoken with the eyes than with the tongue.

Nine is Divine!

2011-06-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

An angel came from heaven
And visited me here on earth.
"What kind of daughter," he asked,
"Would you like her to be at birth?"

"Please, just let her be healthy,"
I said, with a wavering voice.
"Let her be born with ease and peace;
Yes, that would be my choice."

So she was born and so began
The most miraculous time of my life
With her and my son together
They blessed both me and my wife.

The angel visited again
When my daughter was about three
Again he asked my desire, saying,
"How would you like her to be?"

"Please, let her be sweet," I pleaded
"Like every good daughter should be.
Let her light shine for our family
And for all the world to see."

So he took the light of the sun
And put it in her eyes
It's there for everyone to see
Where God's own glory lies.

"And now that she's eight,"
The angel spake again
On another visit, later on,
"Now how would you begin?"

"Please let her be wise," I said,
"Please let her make good choices.
Living above the darkened world,
Let her ignore evil voices."

So the angel looked up to heaven
And God's own Spirit came down
Resting lightly on her shoulder
So she'd never have to frown.

And now she's nine years old
The sweetest girl you'll know
She's strong and she's courageous
And in the Light she does grow.

I love you, Elise! Happy Birthday!

Para mi amor...

2011-06-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, hey baby!

2011-06-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hey, hey hey baby!
I want to know if you'll be my girl
Hey, hey hey baby!
I want to know if you'll be my girl

When I saw you walking down the street
I said that's a kind of girl I'd like to meet
She's so pretty, Lord she's fine
I'm gonna make her mine all mine

Hey, hey hey baby!
I want to know if you'll be my girl

When you turned and walked away
That's when I want to say
C'mon baby, give me a whirl
I want to know if you'll be my girl

Hey, hey hey baby!
I want to know if you'll be my girl

When you turned and walked away
That's when I want to say
C'mon baby, give me a whirl
I want to know if you'll be my girl

Hey, hey hey baby!
I want to know if you'll be my girl
Hey, hey hey hey hey, baby
C'mon, baby now.....

Home Again

2011-06-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

Some lives are long
Sending deep roots
Spreading forth mighty branches
Providing shade and shelter
While reaching for the sun

Others are quick
Blazing across the sky
Like a shooting star
Leaving a glowing trail of glory

But neither is more significant than the other
For each leaves their mark
On a world that will never be the same

Return home, dear cousin
And find there's the embrace
Of those gone before
And find in welcoming arms
The peace and rest
Of the Lord

Hey you...

2011-06-02T14:06:00.001-07:00

Hey you ! out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me
Hey you ! Standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles, can you feel me
Hey you ! don't help them to bury the light
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you ! out there on your own
sitting naked by the phone would you touch me
Hey you ! with your ear against the wall
Waiting for someone to call out would you touch me
Hey you ! would you help me to carry the stone
Open your heart, I'm coming home
But it was only a fantasy
The wall was too high as you can see
No matter how he tried he could not break free
And the worms ate into his brain.
Hey you ! out there on the road
Always doing what you're told, can you help me
Hey you ! out there beyond the wall
Breaking bottles in the hall, can you help me
Hey you ! don't tell me there's no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall.

Memorial Day Thoughts

2011-05-31T18:44:00.001-07:00

From my talk on Sunday, in case you missed it...

(it was a good one, by the way...) ;-)

In July 1776, the people living in what would later become known as the United States of America decided that they had had enough. In a sweeping document we would come to know as the Declaration of Independence, these brave men severed ties with their King and country and a nation was born. Integral to this document, and to the beliefs of the men who signed it – putting their own lives at stake, was the idea that there is a Creator, a divine Source of all rights as human beings, and that these rights are worth dying for.

Many of them would be given that privilege.

The British Empire, loath to relinquish its claim on these colonies, fought long and hard for the control that had already slipped away. The revolution had begun, and the shackles which bound America to Great Britain were cut. The revolution continued to progress and a decade later the Constitution was formed, bringing together many disparate goals and desires in one binding and adaptable document. The Constitution has proven to be of worth, not only as the oldest document of its kind in the world, but as a model for governments throughout the world.

This revolution would be tested many times in the ensuing years. In 1812, Great Britain would find itself again at odds with the upstart, rebellious colonies. Perhaps the British never fully understood that the revolution started in 1776 was destined not only for permanence, but for greatness and eventual dominance. The new nation was tested in battle again – even the White House was burned by the British. As the battle turned north, towards Baltimore, the British found there a very different reception.

Located at the top of the enormous Chesapeake Bay, Baltimore holds a strategic position. It is an important sea port and route to the interior of the United States. In the early 1800s, this position was of military importance as well. The British Navy was the most powerful force on earth, and they ranged with relative impunity all across the globe. This explains why there were a series of forts built to protect the important Port of Baltimore. Of these, the most famous is Fort McHenry. It was on the night of September 13, 1814 when the British began an attack on the fortifications at Fort McHenry. Throughout the night, brave defenders of the fledgling nation strived to keep the fort from falling into British hands.

On the deck of one of the attacking ships was Francis Scott Key, a lawyer from Maryland. He witnessed the battle from the ship and the next morning translated his elation at seeing his country’s flag still flying defiantly above the ramparts into the poem now known as “The Star-Spangled Banner.” This hymn of justifiable pride in the freedoms we espouse was later adopted as our country’s National Anthem. It reads:

O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
’Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

It was into this crucible of democracy, where among the most basic guaranteed rights were that of assembly and worship, and a scant six years after this battle, that a young man entered a grove of trees to ask Almighty God in humble prayer which church he should join. The response to that prayer shines like the sun across the world, a testimony of God’s blessing on this land, for nowhere else on earth could such an answer have taken root, sheltered in the freedoms espoused and protected by the law of the land. The result of that prayer is a reflection of the freedoms Joseph Smith enjoyed then. Those freedoms are the same freedoms we enjoy at this very hour, meeting in peace and harmony in a land which protects our right to do so.

In 1861, tensions resulting from bad feelings on both sides of the conflict erupted. The attempted secession of several southern states from the Union led to the American Civil War. This war, which would ultimately cost the lives of over six hundred thousand Americans – by far the most deadly conflict in American history, considering both sides of the conflict as American casualties – was more than just a struggle over property rights or state’s rights. It was a literal tearing of the fabric upon which our nation was founded. Those who fought – on both sides – did so from a belief that the way of life they defended was the best. We have learned, since then, that there is a forum for discourse of such grievances. That forum is the United States Congress. But at the time, the southern states felt that their voice was limited, and their options also limited.

Following one particularly bloody battle, later known as the battle of Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln came to dedicate a portion of the battlefield as a final resting place for those who gave their lives there. Lincoln said that the purpose of the war, and the purpose for which they gave their lives, was to test whether any nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal could endure the tests and trials of time. He noted, however, that those who gave their lives there in the struggle for freedom and right consecrated the land far above the living’s poor ability to add or detract. He said that:

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Brothers and sisters, I would suggest that, even 150 years later, the work is not yet finished. We are engaged in conflicts throughout the world, both since the time that Lincoln spoke, to the present day, which test whether or not we are prepared to advance the cause of universal liberty. It is important enough for us to die for. It is important enough to live for.

When I was 17 years old, I joined the military myself. I did not perhaps understand exactly what the importance was of what I was doing. I knew of our country’s history, of our ideals and the importance of helping others to achieve that for themselves. I was not savvy in geo-political matters. All I knew at the time was that I loved my country and I was prepared to fight and die for it. I raised my arm to the square to take the oath of enlistment, swearing that:

I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

In my mind, I have never been released from that obligation. While my enlistment is over, and no one is ordering me around like when I was in the military, my desire and personal obligation to strengthen the standing of the Constitution, bearing true faith and allegiance to the same, remains in tact. If called upon, I know I would join many of you in bearing arms to defend my country.

But in a larger sense, we are called upon each day to do this. We live in a country of laws, where order and harmony are established through the careful execution of federal, state, and local ordinances enacted to preserve our quality of life and defend freedoms. Joseph Smith taught: Let no man break the laws of the land, for he that keepeth the laws of God hath no need to break the laws of the land (D&C 58:21). There are those who would state that there is the potential for laws to be unjust or perhaps unjustly applied. In that case, there is a method for correcting those laws. Having been a part of writing several laws myself, I can attest to the fact that these are iterative in nature, requiring several (constant, really) revisions before they are correct. The fact that a law is not a good law is cause for correction of the law, not for rebellion and sedition. If we cannot influence elected leaders to correct improper laws, perhaps we ought to consider running for office ourselves.

How we live our lives is as much a reflection of our respect for sacred, religious things as it is for sacred, secular things. Showing proper respect for civil officers and the laws which govern our land is but an extension of our deference and reverence for God. We believe that the Constitution was a divinely inspired document. We regard the founders of our nation as worthy men who did their best to create laws that would benefit all. We also believe that those who have perished, giving their ultimate and final all for the defense of those laws which protect our liberty and ensure justice, did so because they believed that they were in the right. We show respect towards them when we keep the laws of the land, as well.

As Latter-Day Saints, we have an even higher obligation and responsibility. Elder D. Todd Christofferson (Ensign, November 2009) noted:

“The lack of internal control by individuals breeds external control by governments. One columnist observed that “gentlemanly behavior [for example, once] protected women from coarse behavior. Today, we expect sexual harassment laws to restrain coarse behavior. …

“Policemen and laws can never replace customs, traditions and moral values as a means for regulating human behavior. At best, the police and criminal justice system are the last desperate line of defense for a civilized society. Our increased reliance on laws to regulate behavior is a measure of how uncivilized we’ve become” (Walter Williams, Laws Are a Poor Substitute for Common Decency, Moral Values, Deseret News, April 29, 2009, A15).

In most of the world, we have been experiencing an extended and devastating economic recession. It was brought on by multiple causes, but one of the major causes was widespread dishonest and unethical conduct, particularly in the U.S. housing and financial markets. Reactions have focused on enacting more and stronger regulation. Perhaps that may dissuade some from unprincipled conduct, but others will simply get more creative in their circumvention. There could never be enough rules so finely crafted as to anticipate and cover every situation, and even if there were, enforcement would be impossibly expensive and burdensome. This approach leads to diminished freedom for everyone. In the memorable phrase of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, “We would not accept the yoke of Christ; so now we must tremble at the yoke of Caesar” (“Bishop Fulton John Sheen Makes a Wartime Plea,” in William Safire, sel., Lend Me Your Ears: Great Speeches in History, rev. ed. (1997), 478.

President James E. Faust cautioned:

There is a great risk in justifying what we do individually and professionally on the basis of what is ‘legal’ rather than what is ‘right.’ In so doing, we put our very souls at risk. The philosophy that what is legal is also right will rob us of what is highest and best in our nature. What conduct is actually legal is, in many instances, way below the standards of a civilized society and light years below the teachings of the Christ. If you accept what is legal as your standard of personal or professional conduct, you will deny yourself of that which is truly noble in your personal dignity and worth. (“Be Healers,” Clark Memorandum, spring 2003, 3).

At the end of the day, each of us is given opportunity to rededicate ourselves to the ideals we espouse. We are a country of idealists, optimistic and hopeful about the future of our families, our nation, and the world. We lead in faith, we live in love, and we look always to the God of this Land, who is Jesus Christ. We worship the Father of us all in His Holy Name, grateful for the chance to do so and to teach our children to do so in a country where we may.

Let us remember the sacrifices of those who have given their all. Let us find in them and in their examples renewed strength and dedication to the laws of the land we live in. And let us be rededicated to the proposition that we are all created equal and work so that government of the people, by the people, and for the people will not perish from the earth.

Above all, let us see in our sacrifices echoes of the great sacrifice made for all of us, which sets us free from the chains of death and hell. Jesus Christ is who makes us free. Knowing Him will enable us to attain freedom from everything that would bind us down.

On feeling the Spirit

2011-05-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

...or, describing the indescribable...

I don't know why I set myself impossible tasks. Perhaps I am not alone in this. If you're with me, please feel free to raise your hand. I won't be able to see you doing it, anyway! HA!

There are some things in this world that simply cannot be expressed. Some things are at once too sacred, too pure, too personal, for anyone else to understand. On the other hand, we've all had those same kinds of experiences. So while the experience is unique, the fact that we've shared similar experiences is a unifying and uplifting thought.

In that vein, I'd like to share some of my own experience. While I acknowledge that my experience is unique to me, my hope is that my experience will resonate with your own, reaching your soul and caressing your heart the way that the Holy Spirit does mine.

We are often caught up in the experiences of the flesh, giving credence only to what can be empirically measured. If one cannot touch, taste, smell, hear, or see it, it cannot be known and is therefore not real. This is simply not the case.

How does one quantify the feeling of love for another? How does one encapsulate the joy of a new day? How can one measure the expanse of the mind, the thrill of discovery, the peace of a walk through the woods, the happiness at hearing a child's laugh? One cannot. One dare not try, for any attempt to do so would be foolish and demeaning to the experience.

Yet these things are real.

Perhaps more real than that which can be measured, because of it's purity, it's ability to be perceived. You cannot fake a brush with the Infinite. It either happened, and you know it, or it didn't.

This past little while has been tough for me. Without boring you with the details, I've been struggling with things that are serious and of importance to me and to my family. Through it all I've had support from loving family and incredible friends. And the support I've received, above and surpassing all, has come from my best Friend, my loving Savior and Redeemer.

When I pause to think about my foolishness, my weakness and frailty, and my overall unworthiness, I am overcome with regret and remorse. These are not negative feelings unless I allow them to overcome me. Alma says to his wayward son (paraphrasing) - look, don't let your sins get to you, but repent of them and learn from them and move on. I understand this very well. I am who I am - not as a sum of my experiences, good or bad, but as a son of God, one with a divine potential that I cannot now see.

When I think of Christ in the Garden, or on the cross, I am sorry that His suffering was compounded because of my errors. Yet, the price has been paid. He has atoned for my sins, and through His blood I am cleansed. This witness is brought to my heart and my soul through the Holy Spirit, that unspeakable gift which is given to those who JUST ASK FOR IT. Even asking requires faith, patience, hope... Yet it is there. I know it. I know it now in ways I've never known before. I have felt the cleansing fire, the purifying sweetness that comes only in and through the love of Jesus Christ. I cannot describe it to you, nor could I ever quantify it. Yet it is as real to me as anything I've ever known. My heart and soul are filled with light and life and joy and peace. Literally filled.

Please do not suppose that I am guilty of any major crime or transgression. Those of you who know me will know better than that (hopefully).

My only point in this post is to let you know that God is good. He loves each of us with a love that transcends all. He knows each of us and our issues and loves us because of them. He even sent us His Son to die for us, and then to live for us. Christ is the way, my friends. I am so very grateful. So indescribably happy.

Life is good.

Kodachrome

2011-05-17T05:47:00.001-07:00

Love, Paul Simon...

When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of education
Hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's
a sunny day
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together
for one night
I know they'd never match
my sweet imagination
Everything looks worse
in black and white

Sublime

2011-05-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes.

At first, all I notice is the remnants of the bright world around me scorched on the retinas of my tired eyes. Vivid shades of magenta and purple and yellow and white, like old film negatives, bring light to the darkness behind my eyelids. It is not real light - just shadows of light that has already dispersed.

Slowly I notice other things around me. The humming of the air conditioning. The gentle pressure of the chair supporting me. My arms resting on my desk. My feet snug in my shoes. Soft breezes blowing across my arms, barely even there. I hear sounds - sounds of construction far away, sounds of traffic down country roads, sounds of birds...

Soon that begins to melt away. The light that had burned my retinas is purged from my eyes and all becomes darkness.

I become aware of my breathing. I do not breathe deep - just slowly and gently pulling the life-giving oxygen into my lungs and propelling the used portion back out. I am aware of the gentle rise and fall of my chest and stomach. I become aware of a pulse - barely there but insistent. It traces across the light entering through my eyelids. It is an ever-so-gentle throb that seems to echo the very beginnings of the universe, bounding across all space and time and life, yet returning sweetly and gently. It is powerful, yet it is soft. It is everywhere, yet it is within me. It is full of light, yet it contains all darkness as well. It is not me, but it is who I am. It is my life, but it is also the harbinger of my eventual demise.

There is no time in the void I've constructed for myself. My thoughts, at first a mad jumble of confused desires, passions, schedules, and pressures, begin to respond to that beat, that pulse. I feel my body - aware of it, yet also aware of the separateness of it. My body is not me, yet it is connected to me like a string that holds a kite. My mind and spirit soar above what I cannot see, in the dark and in the light as well, perfectly bright, infinitely dark.

Therein lies the mystery.

Yet for some reason, I am not concerned about the mystery. It is enough for me to know that it is, that I am. I float in it - not carried away like a leaf in a stream. More like that leaf caught in an eddy behind a rock, suspended and flowing but stationary... clear water flowing above me, soft gentle air surrounding me...

The world is gone. The universe is within me. I am powerful. I am meek. I am proud. I am lowly. I can do anything. I know nothing.

I am free.

The universe in all its majesty unfolds before my view, and I am one with it.

And I love you so...

2011-05-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I've lived till now.
I tell them I don't know.

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been.
But life began again
The day you took my hand.

And, yes, I know how lonely life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free.
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me.

And you love me, too.
Your thoughts are just for me;
You set my spirit free.
I'm happy that you do.

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read,
All but love is dead.
That is my belief.

And, yes, I know how loveless life can be.
The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free.
But I don't let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me.

And I love you so.
The people ask me how,
How I've lived till now.
I tell them, "i don't know."

Conversation

2011-05-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

The following is a conversation I've been a part of on a good friend's (N) wall:

N
‎
"The foundation of morality is to give up pretending to believe that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibilities of knowledge." (T. H. Huxley)

Bill Cobabe

This is an interesting quote. It seems to say - and I could be reading this wrong - that the foundation of morality is to give up belief (or faith). If that's the case, what is the basis for one's moral foundation? In my experience, the foundation of morality is the hope for a better world - and I'm not talking strictly about some eternal reward. Things like altruism, self-sacrifice and discipline, and a desire to improve the world around one's self are all centered in the hope and idea that such things are achievable, although not seen. In short, to quote John Lennon - You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. He was also the one who - in the same song - said that he could envision a world with no religion, nothing to live or die for. Yet that very vision implied something higher, something worth living or dying for... Just because things are not known to me does not mean that they are not known or unknowable. It just means that my knowledge is imperfect.

Bill Cobabe

Even the empirical method in science, which is used to help ascertain scientific fact or theory by use of hypothesis and the study of empirical evidences is based in a kind of faith. If I did not believe, for example, that ice would freeze at 32 degrees, I would not try it out. My hypothesis may be incorrect, and the evidence produced may be flawed. But the beginning of the experimentation is the idea - the faith or hope or desire or theory or goal that something can be discovered if appropriate experiment can be made. For me, faith - even and perhaps especially religious faith - implies a need for experimentation and exploration. We have been given intelligent, rational minds - we have the right and obligation to use them in pursuit of truth and a better world and society.

Bill Cobabe

I think, though, in some respects I would agree with Mr. Huxley. He was the first to coin - or at least popularize - the term agnostic, meaning without knowledge. We are certainly without knowledge in almost every aspect of everything in our lives. There is just so very much that we don't know. I believe, however, that the search for truth is what defines us as individuals and as a society. Truth is a fiddly thing - what may seem true for one may not be true for another. Some of the beliefs we have held near and dear are easily wiped away, like a wisp of smoke. Others become strengthened and tempered in the furnaces of trial and experience. And as each one's experience is different from any others, those who really seek for truth are those who would open themselves up to the possibility, however unlikely, that they are wrong...

N

I know that Huxley was speaking about religion specifically in this quote, but I think a world without a god-based faith is not a faithless world, buy rather a world full of faith in more tangible, provable things.

While faith may extend beyond religion, religion rarely can argue itself beyond the boundaries of faith.

I can reject the existence of a God whom I have never seen or spoken to, but I cannot reject gravity. It will not permit me to deny it's existence. That, to me, is a universal truth.

Bill Cobabe

Yet we understand that something as universally understood and applied and simple as gravity may not be so universal. At the very large scale of black holes and the very small scale of string theory, it is hypothesized that gravity does not apply...

Mental gymnastics aside, it is my experience that the only true knowledge is one's experience. Anything more or less than that is the realm of faith; faith in authority, faith in experimentation and measurement, and/or faith in empirical data - that is, data that are experienced with the five senses. It is also my experience that all experience is unique. I cannot judge or disparage another's experience at all. I only have my own set of experience.

N

Wait. I'm talking provable truth, and you just threw in hypothesized black hole exceptions as part of your argument. Are those proven?

And yes, all we have is our experience. Totally agree. But should we simply sit back and allow others to suffer from what we feel is delusion? Or rather speak up to suggest an alternative rationale for their experience? Is it hopeless to try and persuade others?

On a quantum level, what's to say my persuasive argument should not be part of another person's life experience? Gotta try, right? I'm not gonna muscle anyone into my shoes, but I can't just walk on without saying something. Isn't that the basis of most Christian missionary efforts?

Bill Cobabe

Depends on whom you ask about proof. Quantum physicists and mathematical theoreticians all think they've got it figured out and using equations that I can't even begin to understand can prove it all... But again, that's just mental gymnastics. It's interesting to peruse, but almost impossible to experience first hand - no one outside of Disney has been to a black hole - if they even exist.

Bill Cobabe

Everyone has the right and responsibility to advocate what they feel is right and best. I feel nothing is hopeless, but that we should respect each other and that out experiences may be different. Those of us who are truly intelligent (like you and me, for sure!) allow for a flexible and evolving understanding of the universe based on new input. Hopefully, THAT is the position that I can convert people to - the position where they seek knowledge for themselves, rather than closing themselves off from any one point of view, dismissing it out of hand as being deluded or those who feel that way as being delusional. Particularly when there are enough of those that collusion could not be a real factor.

Bill Cobabe

Your desire to promote your viewpoint is laudable. Cynicism, however satisfying it feels at first, brings neither light nor warmth. (with apologies to Alexander Solzhenitsyn) It's like telling a child there's no Santa Claus. Yes, you're right. But sometimes it sucks to be right. Ultimately, I've discovered that life is too short to be too caught up in what others think. I'm too busy trying to figure that out for myself...

Jo

Huxley's basic assertion that God is 'beyond the possibility (sic) of knowledge' is incorrect.

R

I think I shall just watch the fur fly. But having said that, what is that for which there is no evidence, and repeating unintelligible propositions about things beyond the possibilities of knowledge." If one looks historically there is a lot that was "proven" and then disproven. Provable truth is pretty tricky, especially when someone else comes along with "better knowledge or add info that the last party didn't have. There is so much we do not know! But I have faith in a lot of things!

R

Nm you are just too cute for words

Ja

I'm sorry. I feel that I don't understand the rabbit trails this quote has produced. I think it is certainly worthy of debate, but it seemed to me to quickly derail (although the arguments are very interesting). I think it is because I interpret this saying differently than Bill. Maybe it is because I have a different background, I certainly feel our world views are probably dissimilar. When I read this I see a very logical assertion that we must be cautious of narrow-mindedness. A seemingly benign affliction until you realize the havoc it has caused. Death upon war upon oppression. Evil, in point of fact. If you are Christian then you could postulate that this sort of parochialism that caused the fall of man. Postulation seems to be a good word in this discussion.
The assumption that a man who questions dogmatic orthodoxy is one who "gives up" his moral foundation because it doesn't fit ours strikes me as arrogant. The foundation of morals is to give up pretending to believe that which there is no evidence. This has nothing to do with altruism or justice, self-sacrifice or discipline. This has to do with a rare breed of people who have questioned everything that they were taught. Every theory and every doctrine. In order to get to this point you must start with, "I don't know." These people have contributed to civilization as long as it has been recorded. Longer. Archimedes, Plato, Da Vinci, Martin Luther, Thomas Jefferson, Galileo, Thomas Newton. Where would we be without these people, some of whom had shocking beliefs to you and me. Some of whom were murdered by the church. Copernicus theorized we lived in a heliocentric galaxy. I think we can safely assume that these men had families and a system of beliefs that upheld those sentiments. This is not about value system. Or string theory. Or the theory of unification for that matter. It is simply a statement that proposes that we possess a modicum of humility and tolerance of others. A refusal to say, "I know." Because surely we don't. Sometimes that is the sincerest form of faith we have.

Ja

And you know what? God is beyond the possibility of knowledge. He's a mystery. He's bigger than all of us. We can't even look at him with our human eyes. Who knows what he is. Or she. Or it. Maybe he's the universe. Maybe he's a bunch of molecular mass vibrating. I'm not afraid to say I don't know. But I will say this. I will not persecute. I will not harm. I will not hate based on beliefs that I have built in my very short lifetime comprised of my similarly limited world view.

Bill Cobabe

For me, the fundamental difference between faith and doubt is that faith assumes there is an answer to each question, and that patient and careful exploration will yield that answer. Doubt assumes there is no answer. I have a firm belief that we are to question, but to question from a position of humility, willing to accept any answer without presupposing anything. Only when our minds and hearts are open can we begin to understand the Infinite. I believe that God, if He does in fact exist (and I believe He does) wants us to know Him. I have never found in all of the works of scripture a place where the Infinite says - do not seek to know me, for I am unknowable. To the contrary, I find it repeated that we are to ask, to seek, and to knock. There may be no more frequently repeated commandment. In fact, all of the commandments to which people of faith adhere are rooted in the understanding that such adherence leads to a more pure life, greater sensitivity to spiritual things, the acknowledgment of one's position to the Infinite, and an effort to procure a closer relationship with Him. The great thing about any Mystery is when the fog of obfuscation, doubt, and fear are lifted in the burning light of peace and understanding. That sublime moment is where God exists and can be known, not with empirical evidences, but written upon the fleshy tables of the heart...

N

I find it interesting that I am continually cautioned NOT to push for others to adopt my world view.... By Christians who profess to want to "save the world" from it's sinful state. Is the only difference that I am alone, instead of having a church behind me to back up and agree with my views?

Bill Cobabe

I'm not sure who you're referring to. I mentioned that I thought your desire to share your experience is laudable. And I think you'll find that there are many who agree with you - at least in part. I am one of those, actually. I am all about the free expression and exploration of ideas. As a seeker of truth myself, I am one who loves to be shown the error of my ways. But my experience is my experience, and I cannot deny what I have experienced - however different it may be from any one else's...

Bill Cobabe

I think it's arrogant to assume that because I have NOT had the same experience as someone else that the experience is invalid. I believe it is also quite arrogant to assume that just because I don't know something it must be unknowable. There are vast amounts that I do not know. The more I learn the more I realize I do not know. But I have had experiences that are indelible and undeniable, experiences within myself that fill me with light and peace, experiences with the Infinite that I cannot describe but which are not any less real because of my inability to express them. How would one quantify the peace and joy that comes from watching a dramatic sunrise? Or the love of a child for it's mother? Or the incredible and unspeakable freedom and joy that comes from new knowledge and understanding gained after much effort and patience and sacrifice (i.e., my entire physics classes...)? We all have these brushes with the spiritual, the sweet and amazing flashes of light that allow us - just for a moment - to see eternity. We do NOT see in full, but that does not mean that the fullness is not there. Nor does it mean that there are those who have not seen.

Women

2011-05-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

When I was in architecture school, someone made the observation that buildings tend to be fairly masculine in form. At first, I didn't know what was meant by that statement. Certainly there are some architectural forms that are more massive, stronger, or more phallic (some skyscrapers are quite obviously that way - I'm surprised no one has done a psychological treatise on the subject... there'd be tons of examples). But the person was lamenting the fact that architecture - and building in general - is typically carried out by men. The owners are men. The financiers are men. The designers are men. The engineers are men. And the guys actually building the thing are, well, guys. This is an interesting phenomenon...

So the question was - how do we address this problem? Some smart alec suggested that we might put breasts on our buildings... I'm not entirely sure how that would look...

And I'm not entirely sure that that would be a desirable form.

What is a feminine symbol, anyway? How could you take something that seems so very masculine and make it more feminine? And how would you do it in such a way that it didn't appear patronizing?

A difficult question.

Fortunately, there are things in this world that are definitely feminine. Attributes like kindness, gentleness, caring and nurturing, are all things that are justly ascribed mainly to women. It is true that there are men and women who are successful at the roles and attributes generally given to the opposite sex. But through it all, women tend to be more that way than men.

Further, women represent the greatest force for good in the world. It is the influence of good women in our lives that make us men who we can and ought to be. Men, in general, are not as refined without the influence of a loving female companion. And women, without other women, may find themselves feeling isolated and discouraged.

Women are the repository of the values and morals of our society. They teach them in precept and in deed as they move through their lives like the angels they are. Their actions touch the sublime and reach across the generations, influencing all through their perseverance, courage, faith, and love. For, if there was one word which would well define women, it is love.

Certainly there are men who love. But it is the love that these men learned from their mothers that is reflected in their lives, much as the moon reflects the light of the sun.

Khalil Gibran

2011-05-05T09:57:00.001-07:00

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Lot's Wife

2011-05-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

Salt...

A pillar of salt...

If you've never been to the area west of the Great Salt Lake (and unless you're REALLY bored there's no reason to head out there) there's a place called the Bonneville Salt Flats. It's amazing - truly. Try to imagine a vast sheet of salt, perfectly flat and blindingly white. If you go in the spring time, when the ground is a little damp, it's possible to scoop out an enormous ball of salt - like a snowball. The salt is very fine-grained and the taste is a little less salty than normal table salt, although salty enough that you do not want to eat it.

So there's Lot, evacuating Sodom, with his wife and daughters in tow. They're headed out to the hills, seeking refuge from the storm of fire and brimstone. They are told specifically not to look back on the destruction of their home and city, but Lot's wife cannot resist the temptation. She looks back and is turned into a pillar of salt.

It is unclear (at least to me) if this is a literal thing - her flesh was somehow transmogrified into a literal column of sodium chloride - or if this means she turned back and when they looked back to find her all they found was a column of salt, such as is found in Mono Lake...

Lot's wife is used by the Savior as an analogy or warning against leaving the world behind physically, but not mentally or spiritually. It seems that at times we may be desirous to please God without offending the world. Whether Lot's wife was actually turned into salt or not, if she turned back to consider what was forbidden - no matter how desirable - she certainly suffered for her act.

I also think that maybe the reason why she looked back is that she was hanging on to a former life or past transgression, unable to put it down. This is a hard one for all of us. We sometimes like to wallow in the guilt, enjoying the feeling of suffering and/or persecution, even when there is none. We like to feel the martyr, bringing on ourselves the unnecessary hardship and attention. While this may be effective, it is also quite damaging to our self-image and self-esteem. We should work to eliminate such things from our lives, instead becoming independent, strong, and faithful. We believe in the atonement of Christ; we must also believe that it is effective for each of us. I believe it is effective for me.

Independence

2011-05-04T06:50:00.000-07:00

A little bit personal, if you don't mind.

If you do, I suppose you can always surf on over to something more interesting... Or mundane... or with better/funnier content. I am not going to apologize for who/what I am.

And that's really the thrust of this post.

Life is interesting. We are influenced by genetics. We are influenced by environment. We are at once masters of our own destiny, but we are also subject to whims and changes and input that is not of our choosing or a result of our action. Some things really are just random. Not all - not even most. But some things are just random...

What is NOT random is how I react to the various input. Regardless of what happens to me, regardless of whether it comes as a consequence of my own indiscretion or whether it is just as random as a leaf falling to the ground in a large forest, how I react to that is up to me. It may seem trite, but I find the thought very empowering.

To illustrate the idea, imagine you are walking through a snowy wooded area. There are open meadows nearby, but you've chosen to walk in the wooded area because you know that the going is easier and quicker. The trees gather much of the snow that could have fallen on the trail and leave the space where you're walking relatively clear. Walking in the meadow, you'd have had to walk through deep drifts and the journey would have been much more difficult.

But as you're walking, a large glop of heavy, wet snow suddenly falls from one of the pine boughs above you. It lands directly on you, covering you with snow and slush and finds its way in between your scarf and parka down into your neck. Short of stripping off all of your clothing to remove all of the cold wetness, you're going to experience cold trickles down your back for the next little while. If you've never experienced this, trust me - it's not very pleasant.

Did your walking cause this to happen? Did a random wind gust grab the bough at the worst possible moment? Is there a squirrel who wants revenge for all of the terrors his rodent kind have endured? Did the tree exhibit some kind of malicious intent, shaking itself at the exact wrong time?

Is there any way to know? Really?

You could have stayed home. You could have been warm and comfortable with a mug of hot chocolate. You could have walked through the meadow. You could be on a snowmobile...

But then you would have missed the sublime tranquility and peace that comes from being alone in a wintry forest. Which is why you came in the first place. For those who've never experienced this part of winter, trust me - it's truly amazing. There's something that's clean and pure and cleansing and wonderful about being in the woods in the winter. It is stark and cold, but it is tranquil and sublime.

So what? What do you do? Do you abandon your walk and go home? Do you scream and cuss and curse the random reverses of life? Do you wish to curse God and die?

Or do you laugh at the randomness of it all? Do you accept the cold trickles down your back as part of the experience? And, while not necessarily enjoying it, do you embrace the idea that you're alive - alive enough to experience the wonder of feeling that coldness at all?

Many of us live as though we are in a constant state of anticipation - waiting for whatever is coming next. I feel that these people are not truly alive - they constantly wait for the next thing to come along, missing the things that are already at the doors. Conversely, there are those who only live in the past, holding on to past acclaim and glories won. This ought not to be.

I want to live my life as though each moment is a miracle. For miracle it is, if I have eyes to see and a heart to feel. What a joy, what a thrill just to be alive! Each breath I take brings life-giving oxygen to my body. Each beat of my heart pushes the necessary nutrients around my body. Each turn of my head brings a new vista, one that has never been before and one that will never be again. Even pains my body must endure are just further signs that I am alive! And when the time comes that I breathe my last, that my heart ceases to function, and the fire in my eyes is extinguished, I hope and pray that by that time I have learned enough from life to feel that life ebbing from me. Because that will be a singular experience. You only die once, in all of eternity...

I am not anxious to die. I want to live to be 150, at least. My hope is simply that I live each and every moment of my life - from right now to the very last moment of my earthly existence - as though it WERE the last, sucking the marrow out of the moment, leaving nothing behind. Especially regrets.

In this way, I feel liberated from the reverses and troubles of the world. I feel like a ship on the ocean: perhaps tossed about, but always afloat. And always enjoying the wind, the waves, the horizon, the salty sea air, the cry of the seagulls...

Things

2011-04-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

Some things wear out:

Pencils

Shoes

Tires

Clothes

Some things go out of style:

Hair styles

Jewelry

Fashion

Philosophies

Some things are cut down:

Trees

Grass

Old buildings

Pride

Some things are worn down:

Mountains

Driveways

Riverbanks

Seat cushions

Some things fade away:

Sunsets

Morning dews

Old acquaintances

Temporary acclaim

But some things last forever:

A child's laugh

Love

Peace

Mercy

They are not less precious because they last.

Lessons from Lot

2011-04-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

So...

I know I said I wouldn't do this, but here's something that I've been thinking about this morning...

Money is really not all it's cracked up to be.

I mean, you have to have enough to pay for the things you need. You have to be able to provide well for your family, and building up a surplus is nice to help others around you. But I just don't think that it's the end all be all of human existence.

I don't think there's anyone who thinks that it is. Not really anyway.

But take a look at Lot. Lot and Abraham are living close together. Lot is Abraham's nephew, but they're really more like brothers and friends - they love each other like that. Abraham even goes to battle for Lot. There's a problem, though. They're both rich, and their cattle and servants are too crowded. So Abraham, out of a wise and generous heart, says - look, we're too good to fight about things. Let's divide up the land - you choose which side you want, and I'll take the other. Lot looks at the land and decides to take the lush, fertile lands near the Jordan River. Abraham gets what's left.

In choosing the easier land, in choosing the more desirable location, Lot opens himself up to all kinds of problems. His land is overrun several times by invading armies. He becomes a prisoner and loses much of his property. He becomes associated with disreputable people living in and around Sodom and Gomorrah. He eventually loses his home and his wife is turned to salt. He even ends up fathering children with his daughters. Yeah - life is not so good for Lot.

Abraham, meanwhile, is gaining favor from the Lord, being tested and found faithful. He obtains incredible blessings and covenants, things which are still in force today. His life is not easy, but it is full and rich and satisfying.

The pioneers of my ancestry were given much the same choice. People returning from Oregon and California in the mid 1800s told the trekking Saints that those locations were ideal for settlement - plenty of water, good soils, abundant resources. The journey was a little longer, but the effort was worth it. Brother Brigham, however, in his usual visionary way, indicated that the Lord had other things in store for them. They settled in the Salt Lake Valley and the land of the desert surrounding that area. It was much like Abraham deciding to let others have the land that was more desirable, hoping for some time to grow stronger by themselves in a mountain desert retreat. This was somewhat successful - they had a few years of relative isolation, and even after the exposure of outside influences they were able to develop a culture that was strong and cohesive. It is a legacy that we still enjoy today.

I have seen this in my own life, as well. It was not an easy decision for me to move to Texas. It was the right one, but it was not an easy one. We had things pretty good where we were. We had friends and neighbors who cared about us. Family was close by, and we enjoyed their association. The social environment was very congenial, and we liked the natural surroundings, too. Life was good and easy. Too easy. We were never required to leave our comfort zone. We contributed actually very little, because little was ever demanded from us. Now we are in a place where we can contribute much because that is what is needed. And although difficult and tiring at times, we also find ourselves stretched and strengthened by the work.

Sometimes the path we need in life is not the easy road. It seems that the blessings of eternity are often tied with the path of self denial and sacrifice and altruism. If we are to garner the great things of a celestial nature, we must learn to abandon selfish, worldly appetites. This is not easy, at least not initially. But the course becomes easier once resolved and embarked upon. We find ourselves perhaps more tested, but like the tempering of the forge, we find ourselves more useful and strong thereby.

The Touch

2011-04-26T17:01:00.001-07:00

I love this poem. Sometimes we all feel like the old violin...

The Touch of the Master's Hand

It was battered and scarred,
And the auctioneer thought it
hardly worth his while
To waste his time on the old violin,
but he held it up with a smile.

"What am I bid, good people", he cried,
"Who starts the bidding for me?"
"One dollar, one dollar, Do I hear two?"
"Two dollars, who makes it three?"
"Three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three,"

But, No,
From the room far back a gray bearded man
Came forward and picked up the bow,
Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said "What now am I bid for this old violin?"
As he held it aloft with its' bow.

"One thousand, one thousand, Do I hear two?"
"Two thousand, Who makes it three?"
"Three thousand once, three thousand twice,
Going and gone", said he.

The audience cheered,
But some of them cried,
"We just don't understand."
"What changed its' worth?"
Swift came the reply.
"The Touch of the Masters Hand."

And many a man with life out of tune
All battered with bourbon and gin
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like that old violin

A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game and he travels on.
He is going once, he is going twice,
He is going and almost gone.

But the Master comes,
And the foolish crowd never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the Touch of the Masters' Hand.

Angel Wings

2011-04-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

"...and with twain he did fly." Isaiah 6:2

Flown away home!
To Celestial courts above
Borne on wings of victory
Carried by redeeming love

Flown away home!
Mighty hands to save
To bless the mighty and weak
Applying God's own salve

Flown away home!
To join the hosts of all
To sing praises to the King
To answer the heavenly call

Flown away home!
On angel wings ascending
Ever seeking to the light
Ever the faithful defending

Flown away home!
Though not far away
Your love and legacy
Shine brightly every day

Flown away home!
Crowned with glory
While we strive to be
Like you, great of story

Bright it is, indeed...

2011-04-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

This hymn makes me weep. My eyes have sought the lights of those who keep them bright along the shore to show me the way. God bless those righteous who have done so and helped guide me home to the safe harbor. They may never know how their lamps have shone brightly in the darkness, yet they have rescued my poor soul.

Fervently

1. Brightly beams our Father’s mercy
From his lighthouse evermore,
But to us he gives the keeping
Of the lights along the shore.

[Chorus]
Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.

2. Dark the night of sin has settled;
Loud the angry billows roar.
Eager eyes are watching, longing,
For the lights along the shore.

3. Trim your feeble lamp, my brother;
Some poor sailor, tempest-tossed,
Trying now to make the harbor,
In the darkness may be lost.

Text and music: Philip Paul Bliss, 1838–1876

The Guest House

2011-04-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

Capitalism vs. Communism - Part 2

2011-04-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

Several months ago I wrote a post about the idea that capitalism had triumphed over communism. I would like to expound on that a bit this morning, based on a discussion I had with a good friend last night. I hope that my thoughts are clear and cogent. If you have any questions or different ideas I would be delighted to hear them.

We were discussing the way the government and the economy interact. There are those who feel that the best government is the government which governs least. That is, the government exists to help ensure a level playing field, whatever that means at the time, and for the most part should limit itself to ensuring personal liberty and freedom.

Others take the view that the government is independent of the economy - that the various vicissitudes that exist in an economy or market are beyond the control of the government and its actions.

Still others view the government as the representation of the social contract we have made with each other. For example, we have made it a priority in our country to provide free, compulsory education. This has been deemed by our society at large as a net positive thing. All of these elements which belong to the social contract are good and beneficial to all of us - a more educated, creative, and motivated work force enables us all to prosper both in terms of overall production increases, as well as in the removal of the social burdens that undereducated populations place on the rest of the society.

Part of the problem with each of these is that they are inherently flawed from the beginning. Personally, I feel that these flaws are best overcome through public, civil discourse, where people who are well-intentioned and educated can help inform the discussion about the various problems they see. What our governance has devolved to, however, is a series of barbs directed at the other party in an effort to garner public support and opinion.

The Tea Party is a good example of this. As far as I'm aware, they have no real agenda except to castigate others. They throw aspersions and innuendo around like it was candy at a Fourth of July Parade. They claim to have fiscal responsibility as their rallying point, in addition to other "conservative" values. But we are finding that the folks that represent this movement in Congress do not actually hold true to what they say they will do or what they believe.

This is, of course, because the governing of the world's largest economy, the world's largest debt, the world's largest military, etc. is an inherently complex task. One simply cannot snip one strand of the web without there being diminishing in the rest of the web. Remove taxes for public schools? OK. Then one must deal with the consequences of such an action, including finding appropriate education for those who can afford it, as well as having to deal with increased social services for those who can't.

What if we eliminate those social services? Those who are too lazy to contribute to society should not be able to be carried on the backs of those who are/do contribute.

This last point is perhaps the most strident voice we hear. Conservative values point to the individual as the ultimate stop for all responsibility. An individual must make correct choices and then reap the benefits of these choices.

Liberal values point to the need for each person to help each other person - that together we achieve more than we would as an individual. This is the basis for every society, every network, every friendship, every marriage. I cannot play the violin, blow glass, grow wheat, refine oil, or make sure the water and air are clean. But there are those who can. I contribute my skill set to the whole, which whole in turn contributes what it can to me.

When it comes to education - and I keep returning to that because the guy I was speaking with last night is teacher, but which is metaphorical of any government-subsidized social service - it becomes a matter of priorities. If our priority is for social improvement through rugged individualism, personal responsibility, and self-governance, then steps need to be taken that direction. However, if our priority is a more (forgive the loaded term) socialist (meaning in this context society-driven) agenda, where each helps take care of each other, then that is where we should wend our way.

Personally, I feel there's a middle ground. I believe in personal freedom. I just also believe (perhaps naively) that we should personally and whole-heartedly choose to help one another.

Perhaps this is the problem with our discourse. I believe that people are good, and those who are in leadership or governance positions have good intentions. The problem is that good intentions do not grab headlines. Mud slinging is much more popular than compromise, and popularity sells newspapers (or web headlines, or tweets, or whatever). Thus, our discourse becomes one of 10-15 SECOND sound bites, rather than meaningful, thoughtful, and respectful exploration of all points of view. We are more interested in being personally RIGHT than in doing what is BEST for everyone.

Which is a shame.

I don't think it was always that way, nor do I think that it has to remain that way. But what is required is very difficult because it involves the admission that my point of view may not be correct. That required humility. Humility is not typically associated with strong leadership. Yet, in my view, it is essential. The best leaders are not those who come charging in on their white horses to carry off the national debt on their shoulders. The best leaders are those who seek working and workable solutions to real problems, creating a legacy of long-lasting meaningful dialog, and who appeal (not appease) even to their enemies.

I also think it's important for leaders to seek out these "enemies" and strive to make them friends. This can be done through respectful engagement, something we're sorely lacking in. You never see the headline: PRESIDENT AND OPPOSITION LEADERS MEET AND EACH TRIES TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! Just doesn't happen. It could, it just doesn't. I've always been of the mind that I must first seek to understand others, then make myself understood. That way, when I DO try to make myself understood, it is with the approbation and regard of those who once considered themselves in opposition - at least ostensibly - to what my position was. And we may find that we're not that far off, anyway.

Ultimately, I believe that our politics are not as divided as they would seem in the mass media. I believe that our goals as individuals and as a society are not that different from each other, and that reasonable, working compromises can and should be found. I believe I'll never get elected to office, though... HA!

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

2011-04-18T06:26:00.000-07:00

The first video is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The next is Ammon playing an arrangement a couple of years ago. Sorry for the sound quality on the second video. Keep in mind - Ammon was eleven when the song was recorded...

1. Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

3. Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

4. O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Longfellow

2011-04-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

The Day is Done

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life's endless toil and endeavor;
And to-night I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labor,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

Children

2011-04-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Some journey in the dark
Beset and benighted with the cares of the world

Some journey in ignorance
Refusing to look up to the Source of Light

Some walk backwards
Confused about direction or aim or purpose or destination

Some walk tangentially
In a straight course, but not on target

Some travel lightly
Carrying only what they need

Some travel with great burdens
Having the world on their shoulders

Some hold firm to the iron rod
Able to withstand the inevitable buffets and darkness

Some let go
Finding themselves wandering without vision or foundation

Some weather storms
Resilient and strong and persevering

Some fall victim
Pierced with shafts in the whirlwind

All are children
Of the same Father

Some overcome
Some succumb

For all this, his anger is not turned away
But his hand is stretched out still.

For my best friend

2011-04-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

O, the comfort -- the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together,
Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
And with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-- Friendship, Dinah Craik

Thank you, sweetheart, for being my best friend for these past 15 years. I love you more now than ever, and somehow I'll love you even more tomorrow. You are the best, the finest person I know, and I'm grateful to be your husband.

Live Oak

2011-04-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

This is an oak tree. It lives about an hour from my house here in southeast Texas.

Please look at the tree. You may click the picture to see a larger image.

Notice its massive trunk. This tree is estimated to be over 1,000 years old. The trunk is estimated to be 35' in circumference. That means if it were (God forbid) pushed over, the trunk by itself and at its narrowest point would be more than two stories tall. The trunk does not grow very tall before it starts to branch out, patiently supporting the branches, which in turn provide sustenance for the trunk.

Now, please notice the branches. Some of these branches are bigger than most trees. The lower branches move out almost parallel to the ground, their massive weight belying the graceful arc they trace in the air. These branches look like they might move under strain. Believe me, except for under hurricane force winds - which this tree has experience many of, the branches do not move. Another tree closer to where I live had a pulley attached to it which was used to pull engines from automobiles. That tree, which I've swung on a rope swing on, is only about 1/2 the size of this. Oak wood has been renowned for a long time for its strength and integrity. It is also quite beautiful when worked. The branches of this tree would provide as high a quality of wood as would the trunk. Also, due to the weight of the branches, the forks of these branches would provide some amazing figure - called fiddle back and/or flame. This is formed in the wood as the branches weigh down on the trunk below, causing distortion in the wood itself.

Please notice that the branch to the right requires additional support. This is most likely for aesthetic reasons, and to keep people from damaging the low-hanging branch, and not necessarily for the health of the tree. I've seen live oak trees with branches growing wild and hanging low to the ground. The posts holding that branch up are probably 6' or 8' high. Just to give you an idea of the scale.

The purpose of the branches, of course, is to provide sustenance for the tree. The tree, in turn, exists to create fruit - acorns - to propagate the species. This tree has produced acorns for a thousand years. These acorns are eaten by local animals, which in turn are eaten by other animals. All of these animals produce fertilizer for the local plants, which feeds the plants and begins the cycle anew. The branches also pull carbon dioxide and nitrogen out of the air, trapping it in the sugars used by the tree itself.

One of the unique aspects of the live oak is that they do not lose their leaves - at least, there's never a time when they are devoid of leaves. Other oaks will drop their leaves in the winter. But live oaks keep their leaves all winter long. They are more accurately called evergreen oaks.

The part you don't see, and this is the part that is truly impressive to me, is the root system. The roots of the tree are at least as extensive as the portion we see above ground. Pushing deep for water and nutrients, the roots also anchor the tree, enabling it to weather the storms that come in this coastal area.

This oak is a gnarled, ancient tree that has lived for a thousand years. Yet, one day, this tree, too, will die. It may be a fire, it may be global climate change induced sea level rise. More likely it will be a hurricane that will eventually topple this mighty tree. It would take sustained winds of a category 5+ storm that would be able to knock this thing over.

Interesting to think that air - something we can't even see and usually feel as gentle, warm breezes here off the Gulf - could cause the death of something so mighty.

Grandpa is like the oak tree.

I'm more of a maple, myself... ;-)

April 13, 2011

2011-04-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

Grandpa died today.

At about 2:30 this morning, my sweet grandfather finished his race. He'd fought the good fight and come out on top. And now, gathered in the mighty arms of the Savior, as well as other loved ones and friends, he enjoys the fruits of a life well lived.

Grandpa was born in December 1929. This was at the very beginning of the Great Depression. Grandpa always asserted that his arrival had nothing to do with the economy... We know that's right. Grandpa never really ever had much of an impact on the economy... ;-)

His family (which included nine children) lived in two World War I army surplus tents. His father was a kind of handyman - like most Cobabe men, he finds himself able to just about anything, and usually ends up having to - and plasterer. They had a small farm in Los Angeles County - I think it was in El Segundo, but it may have been Manhattan Beach. At any rate, grandpa said that they could see the Los Angeles City Building from his house. The idea of anyone seeing that far in today's world of smog and pollution is amazing, besides the fact that that building is now surrounded by so many other tall buildings you almost can't see it until you're right on it. Plus, the idea of anyone farming anything in that area is amazing, too. The world surely has changed so much, even in grandpa's lifetime...

He never spoke about it, but I wonder if growing up as he did helped to form his ideas about possessions. He never really cared to have the biggest or best or fanciest of anything. He also never cared much about how much was in his bank account. Oh, he wanted to have enough, sufficient for the needs of his large family. But it was never a race for him to accumulate more, and he surely never was greedy or lustful for money. I asked him once why he never locked his front door when he went to bed, why he often left the door standing wide open, even when no one was home. Wasn't he worried about someone coming in and taking his things? He wasn't. He said - if they need it more than I do, they're welcome to it. That thought continues to blow me away. Imagine if everyone thought like that...

He loved to dance. I'm not sure why this didn't get passed on to me, his namesake, but it didn't. He also loved to sing and to ham it up (read: act). He loved a good joke but could hardly remember any... Those he did remember he could never get through without laughing... His laugh is absolutely infectious, like sunshine washing over your body. He laughed from his toes and with his whole body, and his smile would light up his face and warm your soul. He was so real, so genuine and loving... You couldn't help but feel that you were his best friend. Because you were.

Well, actually I was... ;-)

He had nine children himself, he and my grandmother. Together they had mansions and shacks, lived near the beach and in mountain retreats, and through it all walked hand in hand as equal partners and lovers. They were married when grandpa was 18 and grandma was 16. They had been married for 62 years last November. He made mistakes when it came to his family, but they were mistakes that stemmed from the largeness of his heart, rather than any kind of evil or malicious intent, as other men of lesser degree might do. He just loved his family and honestly tried to do the best he could. There were hard things he had to deal with, things that no one should have to deal with. And he did his best, often times stepping out into the darkness, not knowing what would happen, but hoping for the best. If forgiveness is required for that, I hope that I may be forgiven as well, because I've had to do that on several occasions myself.

He worked with his brothers. I am not sure how this was done, but it was. He was proud of his work, proud of his ability to provide for his family and do honest, good work. I think he was most proud of helping to work on the Los Angeles Temple. Later he would work in the Temple, knowing that he had been a part of seeing it completed. He told me once he climbed up the scaffolding that was on the steeple and looking out to the ocean. In my mind's eye, I can see him standing up there, young and strong, wind in his hair and sun in his face. He would have been about my age at that time...

I wish I could write more about how it felt just to be around grandpa. He made everyone feel amazing. You knew you were loved. He was so full of love and peace and joy - absolute joy. His thoughts and ideas were intelligent, but somehow very child-like and simple. He was easy to understand and you knew that you were heard and respected when you spoke to him. While working, I would sometimes take a break and come and sit by him. He never said - you lazy good-for-nothing! Get back to work! He always, ALWAYS said - yeah, why don't you take a break for a little while. Come and sit and talk with me. We'd talk for a while and then I'd get back to work, my body refreshed, but more importantly, my heart light and full of peace.

I know I shared him with many other people - children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends, neighbors, etc - and I know that you all felt like you were special and important to him. But I never felt like his attention and love were divided or conditional. He loved me, and I knew it. I could see it shining in his eyes.

His eyes - twinking with mirth, filled with tears, closed in prayer, watching the faces of my own children... Always a kind of benevolent blessing...

And now his eyes view the eyes of the Master.

I think he'll be surprised at how familiar they seem, how much like his own.

I love you, grandpa. I miss you already. I can't wait (!) to hug you again, but I can feel your arms around me now, your mighty arms... Like the arms of the Master Himself...

Returning

2011-04-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

In Korean, the honorific word for dying is 돌아가시다 (dora kashida). It means "to return." The implication is clear. We lived before we came here. We will live after we are gone. In fact, the process is a journey home - to the real home we've left and only just forgotten.

I am fasting for Grandpa's speedy return home.

Grandpa Update (2)

2011-04-12T06:35:00.001-07:00

Note from Grandma:

I can hardly write these words.But I want to tell all my friends and family that at this time my husband is under Hospice Care at the hospital and he is not expected to live more than a few days.Thank you for all your concern and prayers.It does not see real to me but I wanted you to know how much he has loved all of you .Someone will update info as it happens. Love to all .Mary

Angie's Post

2011-04-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

From my cousin Angela Hooper:

Grandpa Cobabe

I don't know if anyone from my family reads this (I don't know if anyone at all reads this actually) but I thought I would write a little today about my Grandpa Bill Cobabe. Man I love that guy! If you know him, you know he is in the hospital right now recovering from a massive stroke. This came just after he was sent home from the hospital after dealing with some heart issues. My mom told me that when when visited him in the hospital during the heart thing she said she wished all of the family could be with him. He replied that he didn't want everyone around because they would all think he was being a big baby. This man is one of the strongest men I know. I don't think anyone could ever think he was not being strong. Many times in my life I have been blessed to call him my grandpa. He gave me my blessing as a baby, he baptized me and confirmed me, he blessed me in high school when I was recovering from rape, he was a witness at my marriage in the temple. He has had a major role in my life and I am so grateful for that. I had the privilege of visiting him in the hospital yesterday and was so impressed by his strength, once again. Within hours of a failed corrective surgery he was making words. The first thing he said when we entered the room was, "Where is my wife?" When Grandma arrived at his side he asked, "When can I go home?" He wanted to be at his home, in his bed. Then, later, he talked about needing to go home to work in his garden. We had to tell him he couldn't because it was snowing!

I am not sure what happens from here. They were unable to take out the blood clot in his brain, and his heart is arrhythmic. Treatment for either one is complicated by the other. What I do know is that whatever happens, I'm at peace with it. I have been reading in Alma the past few nights, and lately I have read about the proselytizing of Alma, Amulek, Aaron, etc. In some of these accounts, the righteous die at the hands of the wicked. While Grandpa's case is slightly different, I know that he will be received by our Heavenly Father in glory just as those who died were. Grandpa Cobabe is amazing. His life has been wondrous.

In my contemplation and pondering of the current situation, I felt compelled to compose a poem in his honor. Don't worry, I know it doesn't rhyme :)

The Oak Tree

I know of a strong oak tree,
Stretching tall and wide.
It's long, encompassing branches
Providing shade from the sun.

It's frosted stems would gleam
On those short winter months
To brighten the day of all who look
Upon it's noble, steady form.

I would rest my weary self
At it's great and solid base
And find comfort in it's guidance
Or be blessed by it's grace.

Now the day has come,
When I must provide the strength.
It's nurture and care depends on me
And all who have been blessed by it's grace.

I cannot provide shade from the sun,
My winter gleam is lacking.
But I hope my care may suffice
To make it through the rest of it's days.

And when I am no longer needed
For the tree has moved on,
I will use what it left behind,
To warm all those who may stand in need.

That oak tree stands eternal,
It's roots have grown deep.
I cannot forget all that it was, is and will be,
I cannot forget all that it has done for me.

Love,
Angela

My Hero

2011-04-11T15:50:00.000-07:00

Para mi abuelo

too alarming now to talk about
take your pictures down
and shake it out
truth or consequence, say it aloud
use that evidence race it around

there goes my hero
watch him as he goes
there goes my hero
he's ordinary

don't the best of them bleed it out
while the rest of them peter out
truth or consequence, say it aloud
use that evidence race it around

kudos my hero
leaving all the best
you know my hero
the one that's on

Grandpa Update

2011-04-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Grandpa had a big stroke on Saturday. He's not doing well. In the hospital and not looking like things are going to go well for him.

Of course, in the final analysis, things ARE going well for him. He's set up his life, lived every day of his life, in such a way that when the end comes he's not worried about it at all. Grandpa has never been stressed about much in his life. He's got an attitude for life that is equal parts optimism, love, and fun. I don't think I've ever heard him complain. Ever. Not even once.

His greatest love in his life is his wife. My sweet grandmother, Mary Lee Norris Cobabe, is the very light of his life. Seeing how he's loved her, how he's treated her and been patient, loving, and deferential to her, has set a standard for me to look to in my life. He's treated her like the queen she is, holding her hand and walking with her through life like a companion and friend. He is absolutely gentle and kind.

He loves everyone. I know people say that, but with grandpa I really believe it's true.

He's been through a lot. Sometimes it seems more than anyone could bear - more than is fair for someone to have to go through. Yet, through it all, he keeps smiling and looking for the gold in each situation, in each person. And you know what? He finds it.

I don't know what the future holds for grandpa's earthly life - how long things will be able to continue for him. But I am not afraid for him. I know where he's headed and who will be there to welcome him to his eternal reward.

Lightfoot

2011-04-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

This one reminds me of my dad... We'd listen to oldies while we drove around in the old Toyota pickup out to his jobs. He'd crank it when this one came on. I came to appreciate the Michigan winters and the storms that would blow up out of nowhere when my wife and I lived there for a while. Beautiful place, but also very cold and heartless in the winter...

Chapter 22

2011-04-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

Sam looked at his watch and then at the sun.

Always, that blazing, glaring sun.

He'd lived in the desert long enough to hate the sun. Even when he'd lived in Florida, the sun was not as relenting here as in the desert. The sun beat down like the very drumsticks of God Himself, or perhaps even better, God's hammer beating on His anvil...

He remembered that scene from Lawrence of Arabia where Lawrence goes back for the man who'd fallen from his camel. The man was stranded on a vast, white playa with no water. The temperatures out there could - and did - reach 120 degrees. No shade. No hills. No water. No nothing - just the sun and the glaring white of the alkali flats reaching on in all directions forever. Lawrence was able to go back and rescue the man, in spite of all odds against both Lawrence and the man. The playa was called "God's Anvil"...

Later in the movie Lawrence ended up shooting the man he'd risked his own life to save.

Strange thoughts, thought Sam.

He looked around at his surroundings. At least, he thought, there were beautiful things to look at here. The red rock canyons were awe inspiring in their towering majesty. He'd heard that the local ranchers hated these canyons because they were perfect places for cattle to get separated from the relative safety of the rest of the herd and become prey for the mountain lions who also called this place home. Sam wondered how he would catch his prey.

What he really needed was more information. He'd driven the road where he'd found the tooth fillings but had found no additional insight. What the deputy had encountered out here was beyond anyone's imagination or conjecture. What could possibly cause someone's fillings to come out of their head like this? A bolt of lightning? Then what happened to the Bronco?

What he really needed was a way to get additional information quickly - cover more ground speedily and from a different vantage point. He needed a helicopter. He knew he could get one relatively easily. He even knew the pilot he'd requisition.

Sam returned to his vehicle. He didn't know that his every move was being watched, monitored for any action that seemed like it was threatening or that he was going to advance closer to the base. When he turned his vehicle back out the canyon, those monitoring him reported to their commander. They breathed a sigh of relief when the commander just told them to keep monitoring. Everything about this guy screamed "FED!" and they were not anxious to bring on the kind of retribution that was sure to come from eliminating someone like Sam.

If Sam knew what was waiting for him, he may have not been so interested in investigating further.

But then again, maybe he would, after all.

Kalai

2011-04-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

I got introduced to Kalai from my good friend Joseph Smith. I really enjoy his bluesy, acoustic style. His voice is smooth and inviting, comforting. This is one of his more popular songs - one that's been around a while but still speaks to my soul...

Pretty lady on my mind got me gone again
She tells me it's all in a line and I'm on again
But I won't worry I'll be free - yeah
I'll be the only child of the love I see

( chorus )
I've been known to take my time
I've been told that I'm alright
I don't know if I'm your kind
All I know is that you are
On my mind

I live a life that others live but I'm far away
I play the cards you roll the dice and we'll play the game
And If I win I'll sweetly say - yeah
Anna, you missed the moon today

( chorus )

All my energies
All my lazy days
Keep remindin' me
Yhat you go on and on and
You're on my mind

The darkness falls the shadows break and the dawn returns
And even then I can't explain how deep it burns
Let your thoughts release the cold
And you'll find the body's younger than the soul

My brain is not damaged >> But in need of some repair

2011-04-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

I know 'cos I've seen it
It was great and I want it
There's no point in sitting
Going crazy on my own
Do you know what
I was put here in this world for
Could you tell me
In three words or more
It's the only way of getting out of here
It's the only way of getting out of here
Take a lesson
>From the ones who have been there
My brain is not damaged
But in need of some repair
Hold on to the basics
But we can change all our tactics
There's no point in sitting
Going crazy on my own
It's the only way of getting out of here
It's the only way of getting out of here
This is the modern way
Of faking it everyday
And taking it as we come
And we're not the only ones
Is that what we used to say
This is the modern way
I know where I'm going
And that we are in the knowing
And I will stop at nothing
Just to get what I want
It's the only way of getting out of here
It's the only way of getting out of here
This is the modern way
Of faking it everyday
And taking it as we come
And we're not the only ones
Is that what we used to say
This is the modern way
This is the modern way
Of faking it everyday
And taking it as we come
And we're not the only ones
Is that what we used to say
This is the modern way

Laughed Out Loud!!!

2011-04-08T08:17:00.001-07:00

134-Year-Old Man Attributes Longevity To Typographical Error

- The Onion